All right, I’ll confess. I watched a season of the reality show Love Is Blind. The premise is that the couples on the show date by just talking to but not seeing each other. Several of the guys propose to the girls after just 10 days—and then they get to see each other. They have three weeks from there to meet each other’s families and decide if they actually want to tie the knot. The thing that shocks all the participants is how deeply they “fall in love” because the initial connection is not based on physical attraction. All of a sudden, love becomes more complicated.
The word “love” gets thrown around a lot these days and applied to all sorts of relationships and emotions. But not all kinds of love are the same. In fact, in ancient Greek, there were different words for the types of love. Two of these are very important to every marriage. Here’s what love in marriage looks like and how to show these two kinds of love to your spouse.
1. Eros Love
This is the love we see celebrated in music and movies—that romantic, dizzying attraction that most couples feel in the initial stages of a relationship. While eros isn’t the whole picture, it’s an important component of a thriving marriage and should be nurtured over the long term. What do we mean?
Putting effort into the things that made eros so easy in the beginning: Try looking nice for your spouse, flirting, and working to keep the chemistry alive, even if it’s just…Tuesday.
Continuing to date, even after the kids come along: A long, romantic dinner or a slow walk without the kids helps you fan the flame of desire when the pressure of life and parenthood threatens to squelch it.
Making time for intimacy: Get the kids in bed earlier, turn off the TV, and go to bed together. Even if you just lay your head on his chest, it’s good for the soul and for building that eros connection.
Eros love won’t be the same in your twentieth year of marriage as it was in your first, but you can’t overlook its importance. Figure out what it looks like in your marriage today, and nurture it!
2. Agape Love
Agape is the love in marriage that holds a couple—and a family—together through all kinds of seasons. It’s the selfless, unconditional type of love that helps people to forgive one another, respect one another, and serve one another, day in and day out. Unfortunately, many modern couples think that when eros love is lagging, there’s nothing left to bind a marriage together. But agape love is the glue that keeps your relationship intact while you rehabilitate other areas that need work. Here are some ways that agape love is lived out in marriage:
Respecting your husband: Showing respect even when you don’t really “like” him or think he deserves it is one of the most important things you can do to build agape love.
Serving your husband and family’s needs: Moms often feel unappreciated and unseen. We do so much. But this kind of love is what makes it possible for us to keep serving.
Forgiving your spouse when he screws up: After all, tomorrow it may be you who needs forgiveness. Showing mercy and letting go of pride is what makes a marriage healthy and strong.
Putting your spouse’s needs before your own: Sacrifice and love go hand in hand. You can’t truly love someone and be selfish. If you feel like your husband hasn’t gotten this memo, here’s something to encourage you.
Of course, every marriage needs give and take and you can’t force your spouse to show you the agape love you desire. What you can do to change the temperature and dynamics of your relationship is to model the kind of self-sacrificial love you’d like to receive yourself. You may be surprised to see how this motivates your spouse to return the favor.
What you can do to change the temperature and dynamics of your relationship is to model the kind of self-sacrificial love you’d like to receive yourself. Click To TweetWhat is a good illustration of what love in marriage looks like?
