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3 Essential Ingredients to Being a Good Mother

You’ve probably heard a lot about the importance of adopting the right parenting style—and about what makes a good mother. If we lean toward discipline, we risk being too strict. On the other hand, some of us try too hard to make our children happy, catering to their whims to the detriment of grit, determination, and strong character. We are always walking a tightrope between too much and too little, fearing that no matter how we parent, we’ve somehow missed the boat.

But what if the boat isn’t a parenting style at all? We serve our children well when we shift our primary focus from how we parent to who we parent. What makes a good mother is that she parents her children to their own specific needs because no matter how textbook-perfect our parenting decisions may be, nothing replaces a genuine connection with our kids. So instead of worrying about whether you should lean into your Type A tendencies or strive to be your kid’s BFF, focus on these 3 essential ingredients to being a good mother.

1. A Focus on Relationships

Nothing matters more in parenting than the relationship between parent and child. Moms who have a strong bond with their children have a powerful voice in the decisions their kids make and the values they adopt. We also have a strong indirect influence—on our child’s health, development, IQ, social skills, and academic performance. But when we jeopardize the relationship in the name of enforcing rules that may not make sense, we weaken the critical foundation of a strong bond and diminish our influence as a confidant and guide.

Overlooking inappropriate behavior in an effort to garner our child’s approval also jeopardizes the relationship, though we often won’t see the results until further down the road. Character growth and an attitude of contentment take time to develop. If we make our kids’ happiness our top priority, we can be sacrificing meaningful growth, and we’ll pay the price for it at some point. Our relationships with our children matter far more than any rule, discipline technique, or circumstance. Keep the relationship central.

2. The Ability to Be Flexible

When it’s time to exercise whatever parenting style we’ve chosen to practice, flexibility becomes paramount. We need to hold our children accountable sometimes and at other times, allow for grace and compassion. If we remember our goal is to foster a healthy relationship with our kids, we’ll be more flexible in implementing different parenting styles as the situation demands.

We can choose our battles wisely, determining when disobedience requires discipline or compassion. Every new season will require new skills and techniques to parent our children well. Adapting to the changes is a constant challenge, and flexibility isn’t always easy. But the benefits are worth it. Staying flexible allows us to assess the situation and choose the best parenting style for any given moment.

Here’s a great article about the 4 roles your kids need you to play (and when to play each one).

We need to hold our children accountable sometimes and at other times, allow for grace and compassion. Click To Tweet

3. A Lot of Humility

It’s hard to imagine anything requiring more humility than parenting. From the moment these little ones come into our lives, we are confronted with our own shortcomings, doubts, fears, and unwanted habits. More important than how we handle any one moment is our ability to swallow our pride and be willing to learn. We are all going to make mistakes as parents. We will punish when we should have hugged, laugh when we should have comforted, or let something slide when we should have cracked down harder.

Learning as we go is our saving grace because it means we can use the mistakes we made yesterday to help us parent better today. Be teachable. Admit when you make a mistake and ask forgiveness from those you have hurt, even if that means humbling yourself. Seek help if you need it. These aren’t signs of weakness but of wisdom.

So what makes a good mother in your eyes?

ASK YOUR CHILD...

What do I do that helps you feel noticed and loved? What would you like me to do more often?

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