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4 Questions Girls Need Their Moms to Answer

When you were young you probably had questions to ask your mom, but didn’t know how to to express them. I didn’t have the kind of relationship with my mom where I could ask these questions. That required vulnerability with her and I wasn’t sure she would handle it well. I wish I would have asked them anyway. Instead, I made false assumptions. I also used comparison with peers and relationships with boys to answer them for me. And those methods gave me damaging results.

Thankfully, I had friends, mentors, and a relationship with God to help me come to healthier opinions of myself as I became an adult. Are you leaving your daughters vulnerable by not answering these questions as their mom? Your daughters need your answers to these 4 questions even if they don’t know to ask.

Am I trustworthy?

Girls need to know that you trust them to manage themselves. Controlling and nagging our daughters teaches them they are not capable without us. There are better tools to use to get things done, like using consequences and rewards. Control comes from fear and powerlessness. When we try to control our daughters they feel our fear and learn to fear themselves. Trust them and teach them to trust and believe in themselves.

Are you proud of me?

Oftentimes we find ourselves bragging about our kids to other people, but we forget to tell them to their face that we are proud of them and why we are proud of them. All kids want to please their parents and to be believed in. They need to know that you are confident in them and their ability to succeed at life. Even if you have concerns about certain behaviors it’s important to balance correction with lots of affirmation.

Do I have what it takes?

Most of us have doubts and insecurities. Girls are especially susceptible to comparison and often conclude they are not good enough. But girls whose moms validate them and champion them are less likely to come to those conclusions. It’s also good to be honest regarding their shortcomings and work together to overcome them with optimism. This teaches them confidence in their ability to grow and effectively change.

Are you there for me?

Girls need to know that no matter what, mom is there for them and on their side. Withholding yourself in anger or using the silent treatment teaches her that love shuts itself off when she doesn’t perform well. Playing the devil’s advocate when she’s in conflict with someone might make her feel ganged up upon. You don’t have to always agree with her but she needs to know that you are right there with her no matter what.

Did you have these questions to ask your mom and never did? What else would you add?

ASK YOUR CHILD...

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