Having clingy kids is complicated. On one hand, it’s great to feel loved and needed. On the other hand… you need your other hand or leg or whatever body part they have decided to latch onto. My youngest child was a mama’s girl. She needed to be near me. Even as a teenager, being clingy was a part of who she was. She would often come and grab onto me and hold on.
When she was young, I was concerned that she had emotional problems. But after prayer and talking to some trusted mentors, I realized her temperament just required more physical contact than my older children’s temperaments required. I was able to help her when I understood the needs behind the clinginess. For some kids, it’s as simple as that, but for others, there might be other needs they are trying to fulfill by being clingy. Here are 4 reasons why a child is clingy.
1. Touch Need
According to Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages, my daughter’s number one love language is touch. But she often chose the most inopportune time to make her need known. Many times, as I was cooking dinner, she would hang on me. I was scurrying around the kitchen, trying to put the meal together, but she needed my time. So, I would turn off the stove and stand in the middle of the kitchen just holding her. Then she would go off and do something else, completely at ease.
I discovered that if I just stopped for five minutes and held her, without any other demands calling to me, she would walk away and say, “I love you, Mommy.” She still does that today as an independent married woman in college. She will interrupt whatever we’re doing just for a five-minute hug.
2. Fear
Some kids are just more sensitive to new situations than others. If you’re patient and you give reassurance, most will adjust. I knew my daughter needed to have interactions with others and get used to being away from me in order to become a confident woman one day. I was a stay-at-home mom, and I was her only connection all day while her sisters were at school. So, I enrolled her in preschool and it was the best thing I could have done.
Whether your child is clingy out of fear about the first day of preschool, a week at summer camp, or trying out for the baseball team, validate his or her feelings. Acknowledge, label, and normalize the situation—but don’t ignore it.
3. Unpredictable or Hectic Schedule
Kids thrive on routine. Predictable schedules help sensitive kids feel secure. When life is filled with stress and is rushed, a young child can feel insecure and afraid. Even if it means accomplishing less in a day, it’s worth it to slow down your family’s pace if you notice your child is becoming clingy. Some kids can pick up the emotions and atmosphere of the people in the home. They may take those emotions on as their own.
It’s important to teach children that someone else’s feelings belong to that person It’s also important to teach them how to separate themselves from the feelings they’re picking up. When my daughter would get clingy, it was a reminder to me to monitor my own stress level and take a moment together to get to a place of peace.
4. Boredom
She is five years younger than her two older siblings, who were 14 months apart and had each other for entertainment. My youngest was too young to participate with them. And when they were at school, she was alone with me. I saw that when she was bored, she would come and cling to my legs as entertainment.
Once I confirmed that there wasn’t another need at the moment, I detached her from me by giving her things to do. She also needed interaction with other kids. I invited other kids her age over to play and found some activities for her to enjoy to relieve the boredom.
Tell us! How do you deal with clingy kids?
