When you first became a mom, did you have a vision for what this experience would be like? I think we all did. If you’re like most, you went in with some healthy fear and knew you had some parenting skills to master, but for the most part, you were excited for the joy that would come with all the firsts and watching your little one grow. Then, sleepless nights kicked in, and arguments with your husband about the “right” way to burp the baby created tension. When that happens, it’s easy for joy to start to wane.
But I’ve learned along the way that to truly find joy in parenting, I’ve had to adjust my expectations, which led to a sharpening of my overall parenting skills. Here are 4 ways I’ve tried to make that happen.
1. Be flexible.
Rules and boundaries are great. Rigidity is not. It will rob you of spontaneous joy and zap the energy right out of the room. Parents need to have a plan, but before you refuse to adjust yours, consider what you have to lose or gain. Flexibility is one of those parenting skills that will serve you well. It will keep chaos at bay and stress levels low.
2. Try to be in the moment now and then.
When I pause, even for a minute, to look around at my family, I feel joy. Even if the kids are watching TV or if we all were around the dinner table passing food, being present helps foster gratitude. Moms carry the burden of planning, and when you have to think about the next day, it can be hard to enjoy the present day. Next time you need a surge of joy, set aside what’s already happened or what’s to come and just be with your children.
Next time you need a surge of joy, set aside what's already happened or what's to come and just be with your children. Click To Tweet3. Accept a different vision.
Be prepared for your vision for your child and your child’s vision for herself not to align. If it winds up aligning, great! If it doesn’t, love and encourage her anyway. That way, she’ll feel comfortable coming to you if her vision doesn’t work out as she hoped. If she knows you didn’t believe in her, she might avoid you out of fear of hearing an “I told you so.” This goes for your relationship with your kids, too. My relationship with my children may be different from what I imagined, but in many ways, it’s better than what I imagined. I try not to waste time mourning what isn’t and instead find joy in accepting and embracing what is.
4. Expect regret.
There’s always going to be something you feel like you could’ve done better or differently. I remember buying a memory journal when my kids were small. I had grand visions of the traditions I’d create and the memories we’d share. Fast forward. Those books are pretty empty, but my kids’ hearts and memories are not. Even though I didn’t do all the things I set out to, I wasn’t sitting back and doing nothing.
It’s really easy to make a list of misses, but instead, find joy in parenting by counting the hits. Once a week, write a highlight from the past seven days. At the end of the year, you’ll see 52 ways you poured into your kids’ lives. Hone the parenting skill of creating memories and special moments in the every day. Those are the ones that really leave an indelible mark with your children.
Tell us! What brings you the most joy about being a mom?
