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4 Ways to Improve Behavior with a Carrot Instead of a Stick

When my son was in kindergarten, he was sweet and bright, but he was also rambunctious and disruptive at school sometimes.  When I met with his teacher, she told she had discovered what motivated him—pleasing her.  If she praised him for doing well, he would repeat that good behavior. It was far more productive, she said, then coming down hard on him when he messed up.

Everyone loves a pat on the back, especially kids.  So be sure to mix in some positive reinforcement to your discipline plan; even more so if you have a child who is motivated by pleasing.

1. Catch ‘em doing good.

When we were working on my son’s table manners (we still are!), we badgered him about sitting up straight, holding his fork properly, and not taking such big bites.  The poor kid couldn’t do anything right at the table!  One day I changed my approach.  If he did one thing right I would say, “Oh my goodness, look at Luke; he has such good manners!!

Well you better bet that for the rest of the meal he ate like a little gentleman, and I kept right on praising!

2. Share positive expectations.

This is giving your child a vision for what you know they can do (or at least hope they can!).  It works like this.  Let’s say you want your daughter to make her bed.  You say, “You know, you can do so much now.  I can’t wait to see how nice your bed looks in the morning…”

3. Cut them slack.

When your child does mess up, or falls backward in his progress, (and he will) instead of coming down hard on him, show some grace.

“Brayden, I know you messed up just now, and it does make me sad.  But you know what? I bet you’ll do it just right the next time!”

Your child will likely want to please you, and live up to your hopes.

4. Let him hear it.

Let your child hear you praising his traits to others.  “Amanda, I was so proud of Josh the other night.  Do you know he __________? “ And now turn to Josh, “Didn’t you Josh?  You’re just doing better and better!”

ASK YOUR CHILD...

How can you encourage someone to do a better job?

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