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10 Habits of a Happy Couple

“Show me your pictures!” I said, huddling next to my friend on the bleachers while our kids played in the pep band. Michelle whipped out her phone. “Philip planned the whole thing,” she said. “I got us there, but he organized the local transportation, got us tickets to the monuments, and mapped out tours of the cities.” Wow, I thought. What a fabulous trip. But I also noticed the praises she sang for her husband. Eighteen years of marriage and the spark hadn’t dulled for this happy couple.

I’ve noticed that the happiest couples are ones that do certain things—even when the other isn’t around. If you’re working on bringing more happiness and love into your relationship, try incorporating into your days these 10 habits of a happy couple in love.

1. They focus more on the positive aspects of their shared life together.

Sure, my husband often leaves a huge mess in the kitchen, but it’s because he makes excellent dinners for our family. Which part of the night do you think I should comment on? Yep, you guessed it. Those fantastic chicken kebabs. Turns out, happy couples focus more on what they love about each other rather than dwelling on the things that annoy them.

Certified Gottman Therapist Zach Brittle says, “Couples who are in stable, happy relationships have a ratio of positive to negative interactions of 5:1, even while in the midst of conflict.” Being intentional with your words and making consistent effort over time, he says, “will profoundly transform the trajectory of your relationships.”

Here’s another interesting fact about focusing on the positive to create a happy marriage.

2. They touch each other.

A kiss? A squeeze? A shoulder rub? How much do you like to be touched? Let your husband know. Communicate your level of need with your husband because some people want more touch than others.

See more couple goals to take your marriage to the next level here.

3. They support each other.

When one of you is having a bad day, the other picks up the slack around the house. In the last week, when have you supported your husband? In what area of your shared life can you choose to support him more? Can you choose to do more?

4. They talk rather than stew about grievances.

Find time today to talk about what’s been weighing on your mind. If you don’t, any problems you have with your husband will grow. Be honest with each other. That’s how you work through issues and move on.

5. They prioritize each other over everyone else.

When you spend time with your husband, you reassure your kids of your love, and you make them feel secure. And when you prioritize time with him, you avoid creating kids who think they’re the center of the universe. And what about your girlfriends and extended family? It’s important to have balance in your life, but your husband should still come first. Your healthy, happy relationship with him provides a sturdy foundation for your entire family.

Do you see this as a goal for your marriage? Find more couple goals to take your marriage to the next level here.

6. They respect each other’s needs.

Whether you need a certain amount of alone time during the week, social time each month, or daily cuddle time, a happy couple works to meet each other’s needs. To do so, it starts with good communication.

7. They talk to each other.

Do you speak gently to your spouse? Do you avoid criticizing him? Instead of talking, do you shut down? Talking to each other “with mutual respect, humor, interest, openness” and by acknowledging each other’s ideas and feelings, says therapist Robert Navarra, is essential to building happiness in your relationship.

8. They commit to resolving conflicts.

Navarra says that a happy couple works toward resolutions. It can be hard to admit you’re wrong or that you’ve made a mistake, but being able to repair and resolve a conflict is essential for a happy, healthy relationship. He also points out that “conflict can actually deepen intimacy and bring couples closer together.”

9. They grow with each other and never stop learning about each other.

Do you get those photo memories sent to your phone from two years ago? Five years? I got one the other day of my husband and son from eleven years ago. Man. We’ve been through a lot as parents and as a couple. It’s work, no doubt. But right now, I’m going to ask you to think about today, and the status of your marriage. If you get a photo memory two or five years from now, will you be happy with the course you’re on? If not, commit to having a conversation tonight about the goals and dreams you have for your marriage.

10. They pray.

Whether you’re having a stretch of good times or not, try to make prayer integral in your relationship. For me, prayer is our constant. Some days are harder than others, but we always end them in prayer. If you’re struggling right now in your marriage, I want to remind you that through Him all things are possible.

Think about a happy couple you know. What do you notice about how they treat each other?

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