“He’s never going to change.” That’s what my sister said after I told her of yet another instance of my husband doing something that really bothered me. “You’re wasting your energy. Let it bounce off of you and move on.” In other words, learn to accept it.
Of course, my husband could change if he wanted to, but that change is out of my control. Here are 5 things I, and possibly you, need to accept about our husbands.
1. Temperament
I knew my husband was an introvert when I married him. “But, surely, he’ll enjoy going to my parents’ house every week for dinner,” I thought. Wrong.
Introverted husbands usually stay introverted and extroverted husbands don’t usually become homebodies. If his temperament is a sticking point for you, see if he’ll move a little more in your direction. Ask him without criticizing him.
2. Money Style
My husband is a great provider. He pays the bills on time. He never carries a balance on our credit cards. But he has no interest in planning for our financial future. The long-term planning has fallen to me. I used to get mad about this and let him know it. Now I accept that his money habits are entrenched and cover the gaps accordingly.
If you and your husband have money differences—and most couples do—try these tips to work together in spite of them.
3. Family
A good friend of mine has been married for almost 30 years. From day one, she and her mother-in-law did not get along. Her husband, a good guy, would acknowledge that his mom was a handful, and he always sided with his wife. But when my friend went into all-out attack mode, her husband got upset. After all, it’s his mom.
You may not like your husband’s family, but they came with the “I do” package. Here are 5 things to help you understand your mother-in-law problems.
4. Past
Jealousy can eat away at your relationship with your husband. If you are still bothered about his life B.Y.—before you— take heart in knowing that you’re the one he married. If you can’t find solace in that approach, you can make yourself vulnerable to him and ask for reassurance.
5. Pace
We have an article on iMOM that categorizes children as turtles and rabbits. Turtles are methodical and don’t like to be rushed. Rabbits are quick decision makers, impulsive, and can snap to it in an instant.
Husbands fall into those categories too. Mine is a turtle. I am a rabbit. I learned a long time ago that trying to push him to speed up didn’t work. Now I accept him as is. His habit of thinking things through thoroughly has served our family well.
The bottom line for all of the points above is that acceptance of our husbands can make our marriage stronger. Instead of focusing on what you would like to change about your husband, focus on his good points. If there’s something about your husband you can’t accept, talk to a trusted friend or counselor before you approach him. Talk to your husband in a kind way, even if you feel you need to be firm. Finally, while we can’t change our husband, we can change ourselves and our attitude toward him.
Tell us! Are you at the acceptance point with your husband? How did you get there?
