Eleven years ago, my husband died suddenly, and I became a widow and single mom. My older kids have years of memories of their dad and me together and what family looked like with an intact marriage. But my younger kids were only 4 and 6. They have few if any memories of their dad and, at this point, will only remember growing up in a home with their single mom.
But I want my children to esteem marriage. I want them to know marriage takes work and commitment but holds great value. As a single mom, I’ve had to be strong in areas I never anticipated, but I want my kids to know being able to lean on a spouse is a blessing. I’ve been stewing over how to help my youngest two kids value marriage, to see it as a good goal. Whether you became a single mom by divorce, your husband’s death, or your kids’ father’s absence, it’s even more important for us to intentionally help our children value marriage. Here are 5 ways single moms can teach their kids to value marriage.
I want my kids to know being able to lean on a spouse is a blessing. Click To Tweet1. Tell good stories from being married.
As a widow, it’s important for me to recall the stories of our dating and early marriage, of trips and holidays and the ordinary normal. If you’re divorced, tell the good stories as you’re able. And share stories of other marriages in your family, like how your parents met or how your grandparents made it through tough times.
2. Cheer on marriages around you.
Even though I’m single, I’m surrounded by married family and friends. It’s easy to celebrate the anniversary of grandparents. I can cheer on the long marriages of my siblings and tell my kids how both couples navigated through difficulties that tested their marriages. And even more fun? My oldest is now married with kids, so my younger children are able to watch him navigate married life. Look for marriages of family and friends around you to cheer on and celebrate.
3. Talk about their future spouses.
Have conversations about what makes a good husband or wife. What makes a good marriage? What flaws would be deal breakers for a future spouse? How should your kids start preparing for marriage? Pray together for their future spouses. I’ve even read books about what makes a good spouse with my kids.
4. Don’t talk against an ex-husband or late husband.
Nothing will undermine the value of marriage more than talking negatively about an ex-husband or late husband. Even if you have the ammo to do it, don’t burden your kids with it. Be careful with nonverbal cues like rolling eyes and shrugging shoulders. Instead, look for ways to make honest and positive comments.
5. Discuss current issues affecting marriage.
Marriage has been under assault for decades in the media and pop culture. It’s hard to come by an example of a healthy, respectful marriage in shows and movies. When you’re watching TV, talk to your kids about what’s happening, like when two stars announce they will consciously uncouple or when a reality show proposes two people marry sight unseen. Ask questions like, “What do shows like this want people to think about marriage? Do you agree?”
What can you do this week to share the value of marriage with your kids?
