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6 Ways to Teach Your Children to Be Unselfish

We come into this world hardwired to look out for number one. If you don’t believe it, spend some time hanging out with little kids. One of the first words kids learn is “mine,” which they use liberally to claim the toys, snacks, or people they have their sights set on. So how do we teach our kids to overcome what seems to be such a natural inclination and be unselfish by thinking of others first?

I was with a friend and her seven kids a while back and I noticed how well all of her kids, from the 12-year-old to the two-year-old, shared and even spoke unselfishly, saying things like, “You can go first,” and “We can play the game you want to play.” I whispered to her, “What did you do to get them to act this way?” After our chat, I walked away with these 6 ideas for teaching kids to be unselfish.

1. Start early.

Because it’s such a natural impulse for children to think and act selfishly, correct these behaviors early and consistently. When your children are toddlers, simple explanations such as “you have to share and be kind” or “we don’t snatch a toy from our friend” will do. The reasons why will come later.

2. Connect selfishness and unselfishness to faith lessons.

Some of the most beautiful examples of giving and thinking of others are found in scripture. When you share Bible stories with your child, don’t miss the opportunity to point out those examples, and how we should follow them. The Old Testament story of Esther and the New Testament parable of the Good Samaritan are easy for kids to understand and clear examples of unselfish love and sacrifice.

3. Crush the entitlement monster.

Our culture has done a masterful job instructing parents to protect their children’s self-esteem at all costs. One of the unintended consequences of this barrage of self-image building is that many of our children have developed a real sense of entitlement to the right friends, the right schools, the right clothes, the right car. Listen for clues in your children’s speech and behavior that a sense of entitlement is taking hold, and remind them that much of what they have is a blessing, and what’s important is that we share with others rather than constantly strive to acquire and consume more.

4. Build a culture of sharing in your home.

Sharing is a habit we can build in our families. Share meals together. Share chores together. Share your time. A parent can lead by example and model selflessness in a way that makes practical, everyday sense to the kids. For example, if Dad usually takes out the trash but he’s working late this week, you can take it out for him without complaint. You can point back to this example when one child needs to help out another with chores because of external factors. The message: We’re a family. We’re in this together.

Sharing is a habit we can build in our families. Click To Tweet

5. Set the stage properly.

So much of how our children see the world is learned from how we present it. Rather than encouraging your kids to go to medical school so they can “be a doctor and make lots of cash,” you can intentionally cast a different vision. Help them see how achieving that goal will empower them to help others, to give of their time and expertise to provide for those in need. Consistently present goals and ideas to your family with an others-focused twist.

6. Praise a generous heart.

If you think character traits like generosity are just as important as academic achievement, act like it. When you observe one of your children modeling selfless behavior, make just as big a deal of it as you would an “A” on the big math test. The child who is praised will be encouraged to continue doing the right thing, and siblings will get the message as well.

What’s a lesson you’ve learned about being unselfish that you can pass on to your kids?

ASK YOUR CHILD...

What’s one example of a selfish act and one example of an unselfish act?

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