Have you ever said any of these things to yourself? Poor me (big sigh). I do everything for my family. I have no time for myself, but that’s OK. I’ll just keep giving and giving. I guess it’s what I signed up for as a mom. If you have, I hate to break it to you, but you might be a martyr mom.
I’m not saying you’re not tired and unappreciated. I’m sure you are. But when we let everyone around us know how much we sacrifice to make their lives better at the expense of our own happiness, it only makes our families think we’re bitter and grumpy. Sometimes this motivates loved ones to change, but most likely it just turns us into someone they don’t want to be around. But you can break out of the martyr mom trap. These 7 simple things will spark a new attitude in you.
1. Admit you have an Eeyore attitude.
Eeyore, that sad donkey from Winnie the Pooh, seemed to have a dark cloud around him at all times. Listen to the words that come out of your mouth or the thoughts that roll around in your head. Resolve to improve your demeanor. Just naming it and working to change it provides momentum toward change.
2. Tell a friend.
Accountability is a game changer. Talk to a mom friend who will understand how much of a step this is for you. Tell her you’re striving to live with a more positive attitude and ask her to keep you accountable.
3. Focus daily on five things.
Sometimes martyr mom syndrome comes from a lack of direction. We can feel like hamsters on a wheel, just putting out energy that gets us nowhere. At the end of each day, write down five things you want to accomplish the following day and then go after them! My list usually includes reading a chapter of a book, making that appointment I’ve been putting off, and taking a walk around the block.
4. Talk to yourself.
This will feel silly the first few times, but look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself out loud that you are a great mom, your family loves you, and life is good. Add any lines that will turn your attitude around like, “What I do matters!” or “I am a priority.”
5. Track the positivity.
Breaking out of the martyr mom trap takes focus and intention. Pledging to stop complaining isn’t nearly as effective as working to say positive things. Use one of our habit trackers and aim to say one kind thing per day to each member of your family (and yourself!). You could also track words of gratitude.
Pledging to stop complaining isn't nearly as effective as working to say positive things. Click To Tweet
6. Be straight with your family.
You don’t have to pretend like you’re not struggling. Tell your family you’ve noticed your martyr attitude and want to change. You might find that this more humble, honest approach to the issue will cause them to show more appreciation and be more helpful.
7. Do something for yourself.
Every mom laughs when she hears this. Wouldn’t we all love a free massage every week or a weekend away with girlfriends? But remember those people at home who don’t appreciate us? They aren’t going to take care of themselves! You might find that your family is willing to give you the time and space you need if it leads to you being a more joyful presence in the home. Break out of the martyr mom mindset that tells you that you always have to put yourself last. Here are 31 ideas for mom time.
Portions taken with permission from the book Be The Mom by Tracey Eyster.
