Can a bad attitude really kill your marriage? Yes! Attitude affects the way we communicate with our husbands; so if our attitude towards him is negative, then we will sound negative when we’re talking to him. Mark and I work together every day which makes having a loving attitude really hard. One day when I was out with our daughter Emily running errands, I called Mark from the car. He answered the phone with, “Ya, what do you need?” Well, I had him on blue tooth and Emily piped up with, “Hi, Daddy!” Mark’s tone did a 180. It went from snippy and sour to sappy sweet. And he answered with, “Hi, baby! How are you? Daddy misses you sooooooo much.”
At that moment my attitude toward Mark did a 180. Ugh. And I realized… a bad attitude was killing my marriage. I love Mark and he loves me, but it is so easy to let daily annoyances infiltrate that love and poison our marriage. If you find yourself struggling with your attitude toward your husband, here are a few things to think about when communicating with him.
Your tone can transform your words.
Mark and I have intense personalities and it comes through in the tone we use when we talk to each other. We both grew up in competitive families and we brought that intensity into our marriage. We have to remind ourselves that hitting the productivity target is counter-productive if we kill our relationships on the way. I look for couples who are sweet and kind and try to learn from their tone when they talk to each other.
Your body language can belie your words.
I’m more expressive than Mark, especially with my facial expressions. I’ll do the raised eyebrows or the shocked look that can come across as sarcastic. In list 24 of the book Lists to Love By for Busy Wives, I wrote about other ways body language can convey a positive attitude when we’re talking with our husband: “One way is by mirroring, making the same pose and forming the same posture as him. Many times we do it naturally without thinking about it. It communicates our desire to connect and be on the same page.”
Your attitude can save your marriage.
To love each other well we have to be kind. Our attitude is a manifestation of what’s in our heart. If we have a bad attitude we need to figure out what’s behind it and change it. When a bad attitude takes hold in our hearts then our tone can come across as negative even if we don’t intend it to. Years of snippy and sour can become a habit that poisons an otherwise great marriage. I am working on watching my words!
Tell me: How are you trying to remember your tone in moments of intensity or frustration?