What's Brewing...

What’s Brewing for You is the iMOM place for the lighter side of mothering. When you visit What’s Brewing every week you will find quick, creative ideas for fun Family Nights and romantic Date Nights. iMOM’s like you can submit your personal stories to encourage other mothers or just make them laugh.

9/3/08


Fun ideas for Grandparents' Day

Grandparents' Day Love List

Help your children make a love list for their grandparents by asking them the following questions:

·         What do you love most about Grandma?

·         What's your favorite thing to do when you're with Grandpa?

·         The best day I ever spent with grandma was when we…

·         Grandpa makes me feel special when he…

·         I know Grandma loves me because she…

·         I love Grandpa more than I love (chocolate chip cookies, Disney World, etc.)

·         What are three words you would use to describe Grandma?

More Grandparents' Day Ideas

·         Have your children write a biography of their grandparents based only on information they know.  It will likely be an interesting and charming account of their grandparents' lives. 

·         Have your children draw or paint a portrait of their grandparents, then have it framed for them as a gift.

·         If your children are small, make a handprint or footprint set of "stationery" by using plain white paper or colored paper. 

·         Let your children make a Grandparents' Day cake to share with their grandparents.

Grab a cup of coffee, get out a pen and paper, and take a few minutes to assess your skills at being a mom…

Mom Job Review

1. Write down your three greatest strengths as a mom.

2. Write down your three greatest weaknesses as a mom.           

           Review each weakness, and write down one thing you can do to

           improve in that area.

3. Whom do you admire most as a mom, and what are some of the qualities or attributes she possesses that you would like to emulate?

4. What is the best part about being a mom?

5. What is the worst part about being a mom? Is there a way to change it, or is it something you can accept with a positive attitude?

6. Write down three words you would like your children to use to describe you?

Who came to Derek Redmond's aid when the Olympic sprinter's dreams of gold came to an end? Watch this video and be inspired...

1. Make de-cluttering, and fun for your kids, the focus of your sale.  Achieving those two things will be worth it – any money you make will be icing on the cake. So price things low (you'll probably sell more this way) so your children will get more activity.
2. See if any neighbors want to join you – bigger sales attract bigger crowds.
3. Let your kids place price stickers on all items.
4. Encourage your kids to make "store-like" displays – arrange items by use, color or price – have a dollar table. 
5. Put one child in charge of keeping a ledger of what items are sold.  If you have a computer whiz for a kid, let them set up a sales spreadsheet on your computer.
6. Let your children help you place free ads and create flyers for your yard sale.
7. Have your kids make street signs for the sale.
8. Put one of your kids in charge of "shopping music." Customers will be more comfortable if you have music playing.
9. Designate a greeter for each hour of your sale. This will help your children develop confidence and social skills.
10.  Help your kids come up with a side business they can run during the yard sale – a refreshment stand, a bake sale, etc.

Casablanca  - 1942
Gone with the Wind  - 1939
West Side Story - 1961
Roman Holiday - 1953
An Affair to Remember - 1957
The Way We Were - 1973
Doctor Zhivago - 1965
Love Story - 1970
My Fair Lady – 1964
The African Queen - 1951
Wuthering Heights - 1939
Singing' in the Rain - 1952
Moonstruck - 1987
Ghost - 1990
From Here to Eternity - 1953
On Golden Pond - 1981
Now, Voyager - 1942
The Sound of Music - 1965
The Shop Around the Corner - 1940
Swing Time - 1936
The King and I - 1956
Beauty and the Beast - 1991
Gigi - 1958
It Happened One Night - 1934
An American in Paris - 1951
Funny Girl - 1968
A Star is Born - 1954
The Philadelphia Story - 1940
Sleepless in Seattle - 1993
Shakespeare in Love - 1998
Bringing Up Baby - 1938
Sabrina - 1954
Two for the Road - 1967
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner - 1967
Picnic - 1955
To Have and Have Not - 1944
Breakfast at Tiffany's - 1961
Sense and Sensibility - 1995
Way Down East - 1920
Roxanne - 1987
The Ghost and Mrs. Muir - 1947
Woman of the Year - 1942
The Quiet Man - 1952
The Sheik - 1921
The Goodbye Girl - 1977
Witness - 1985
Love is a Many-Splendored Thing - 1955
Notorious - 1946
The Princess Bride - 1987
Lady and the Tramp - 1955
Barefoot in the Park - 1967
Pillow Talk - 1959

Anytime you're cooking with raw meat, make sure you and your children wash their hands very well after handling it.  Also, it's always safest to cook children's burgers to the well-done stage.

If your children won't venture too far in the exotic burger direction, try to make the humble patty itself fun:  make mini burgers and let the kids cut "buns" from regular pieces of bread using a drinking glass.  You can also make small double-decker burgers.  Or, see if they'll try burgers with lettuce leaves in the place of buns.

Patty Pockets

Let your children choose their favorite burger toppings, but with this method, the toppings go inside!

1.   Using fresh, meat, prepare two round, very flat patties for each burger.

2.   Assemble toppings and flavorings: ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, cheese, etc.

3.   Place the toppings and flavorings in the center of one patty, leaving room around the edges for sealing with the other patty.

4.   Place the plain patty on top of the topped patty.  Seal the edges well.

5.   Broil, grill or fry your burger.

Grownup Burgers

·    Try a new cheese to top your burger: gorgonzola, havarti, feta

·    Instead of lettuce, try fresh, raw green beans, spinach leaves, or bell peppers

·    Buy the best meat you can.  The better the meat the less seasoning required.  Try great beef with just salt and pepper sprinkled on it before you cook it.

·    Fry your burger in a little fragrant, but healthy oil like extra virgin olive oil, first cold-pressed.  You can also pre-season the pan with sautéed garlic and onions.

Burger trivia answer:  St. Louis introduced the modern day burger at its 1904 World's Fair.

Having to go to work when your children are off from school can be tough.  Here are some ideas we hope will make it easier for you and your kids.

- If your daily schedule is flexible, see if you can arrive at work later, or leave earlier, so you can at least spend part of the day with your children. 

- Instead of having your children spend extra time in daycare, try to arrange other alternatives.  Maybe they can go visit grandparents, other relatives, or attend day camps or learning centers. Check around – it might not be too late to enroll them in vacation Bible school programs, or rec center programs.

- See if you can hire someone to watch your children at home, even one day a week, instead of leaving them in day care -- it will give them a chance to catch up on rest, do some ongoing art projects, or just be in their own rooms to play with their toys.

- If your children are older, and they'll be left home alone all day, plan some out of the ordinary activities to make the day more interesting:

- Let them rearrange their room or hang new posters on the wall.

- Set up a scavenger hunt.

- Leave encouraging notes around the house.

- Leave behind their favorite meals or snacks.

- Have them "blog" about how they've spent their day.

- Give them extra chores so they'll have a chance to earn money.

- Set limits on TV and computer time – give them a reading assignment instead.

- Give them a disposable camera to record their day.  Get the photos developed and have them put together a scrapbook.

- Have them design their own stationery or scrapbook.

- Check out a library book with kid-safe science projects they can try when you're at work.

- Try to take off at least some of the days your children have off.  If you can't, and your husband can, let him spend some time with the children.

- If there is no way for you to be away from work when your children are out of school, tell them that on your next day off, you will spend lots of time together. Then, stay true to your word and focus on them when the day comes.

 In the Mood

Let's face it, sometimes moms are just not in the mood for sex.  We're tired, we're stressed, and we just don't feel like it.  But sex between a husband and wife is a major part of a healthy marriage; and the act of being physically close can increase intimacy in all areas of your relationship.

Below are 5 things to think about, to help you get in the mood – or at least help you to make the decision to have sex.  

1.      Remember that your husband needs sex. You and your husband brought different needs to your marriage, just by virtue of your gender. Most women need emotional intimacy – conversation, security and affection from their husbands. Our brains are wired for talking and relating. While men have those needs too, they're usually secondary to their need for sex. This need is not animalistic; it's just the way men are made – from their testosterone levels to the wiring of their brains.

So, when you don't feel like having sex, remind yourself that at its most basic, you're helping your husband meet a physical need – a need you both committed to meet inside the union of your marriage.

Finally, think of sex as a gift you give to your husband. Yes, moms do a lot for the family – cooking, driving kids around, keeping the house clean; but sex is something you do just for your husband. Hopefully, he'll see the love in your gesture, and respond with kindness outside of the bedroom.

2.      Address any issues you have toward your husband. Maybe you're upset with your husband for not taking out the trash. Maybe you're mad at him for not making enough money. Maybe you're disappointed with him for "not making you happy." Unresolved anger or resentment can carry over into the bedroom. Try to resolve those issues before they impact your intimacy. If they already have, lovingly talk to him about your feelings. But, if you're expecting your husband to meet all of your needs – you will likely remain unhappy. 

While you're working on resolving issues with your husband, don't withhold sex. Again, sex can actually enhance your marriage, even while you're working through problems.

3.      Starting can turn into wanting. Sometimes, if you just go ahead and have sex with your husband, you'll actually enjoy it. Even if you're really, really, tired, agree to have sex. The act itself is actually good for you physically, as well as mentally.

4.      Take responsibility for getting what you want. What if sex with your husband leaves a lot to be desired? Instead of just wishing things were better, take charge. Talk to your husband about what you'd like in your sexual relationship. If you're too embarrassed to say what you want out loud, write him a letter. 

5.      Set the mood. In their book, Unforgettable Sex, authors Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham talk about how physical cues can make sex more interesting and fun. Here are some of their ideas:

·         Clean the room. A clean room makes for fewer distractions.

·         Get rid of the baby monitors and anything else that says "baby!"

·         Put a dimmer on the light switch. You can buy one for less than $10.

·         Place candles around the room.

·         Have lotions handy.

·         During foreplay, affirm each other verbally – compliment each other on physical attributes. 

Sex is just one part of marriage, but it is a very important part. Men tend to view sex less dimensionally than women, and that can be a challenge. If you and your husband aren't kind to each other during the day, it will likely not diminish his desire for sex. But, when you feel like your husband is unkind or uncaring, it can very much affect your desire to have sex with him.

So, try to take care of your relationship outside of the bedroom, so you'll be more inclined to want to give inside the bedroom.

Check out this fun summer activity for you and your kids...

Check out this video from the mom of the popular boy band, Jonas Brothers

• Get your daughter involved in a team sport like softball or soccer. It doesn’t have to be a competitive league.

• Walk with your daughter. Make it a mom-daughter thing. Walk in the morning, or in the evening when you get home from work. Set walking goals of time or distance. When you reach them, celebrate together.

• Play tennis, together. Most cities have public courts, and you can pick up a racket for less than $20.

• Walk the mall. If you can refrain from spending, walk the mall together.

• Don’t make exercise a weight issue. Talk to her about exercising for health reasons – so she can feel better, have more energy and have more fun.

• Show her by example. Take her to the gym with you. Let her see you doing sit-ups, push-ups or working out with weights. Get moving, and she will too.

• Dance together. Put on some fun music and dance around the house.

Here's a list of the Narnia books by C.S. Lewis, arranged by chronological order. Below, you'll find the list arranged by the order in which they were originally published.

Chronological Order 

The Magician's Nephew 

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe    

The Horse and His Boy 

Prince Caspian 

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 

The Silver Chair 

The Last Battle 

Publication Order 

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe    

Prince Caspian 

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

The Silver Chair

The Horse and His Boy

The Magician's Nephew

The Last Battle

Five ways to help your kids meet other kids and make friends...

1. Develop good manners in your children.  If your children are rude, aggressive or poor sports, other children won't want to be around them.  Make sure your kids know how to resolve conflict in a non-physical, non-threatening way.

2. Help shy children come out of their shells.  There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, but if it's keeping your child from making friends, help him with simple social skills:  role play conversations where he comes up with questions to ask others, let him practice overcoming his shyness by letting him speak up for himself when you're at a restaurant or store.

3. Work around their physical or mental challenges.  If your child has a physical or mental disability, discuss it with them openly.  Let them talk about how it makes them feel in social settings.  Come up with game plans for handling those awkward first meetings.

4. Make friends with other parents who have children who might be compatible with yours.  Your kids won't automatically be friends with your friends' children, but it's a starting point.

5. Set up fun play dates.  Invite other children and their moms to your home, or plan on meeting somewhere fun.

Dr. Gary Smalley says that one "type of commitment that couples need from one another is a willingness to keep searching for solutions to problems between them." 

He says, "Thousands of couples have expressed the need to feel that each has a working plan to resolve personal problems or conflicts. After thirty-five years of marriage, my wife and I have discovered that we feel secure and included in all aspects of our relationship because of the establishment of a simple plan for solving disagreements. Here are the steps:"

1) We first try to resolve the disagreement by simply discussing the situation as calmly as we can. We go back and forth trying to understand each other's positions. We can do this on most subjects. Either she or I will see a logical solution or compromise that we can settle on. In this way, we have truly become one – a successful "blending of two individuals together." Occasionally, we hit the wall of anger on some subject and start defending our positions with enthusiasm. That can lead to escalation of anger, so we usually take a time out and wait until we both calm down to take the next step.

2) We head to a restaurant. Yes, that's right. We calmly sit down at the table or at a restaurant. We can't go out of control with other people there. We use drive-through listening (drive-through listening works like when you order at a drive-through restaurant – one person speaks, and the other repeats it back to them). This helps each person to feel like they're being heard. And we argue by the rules. We hold an object—a fork, spoon, or candle—when we are sharing our feelings or needs about the situation. The one not holding the object simply paraphrases what is being said to gain as much understanding as possible. We take turns passing the object back and forth until we both feel completely understood and validated. Then we start sharing any ideas we can think of that would solve the situation in a win-win way. We use our creative juices to think of some solution to fit both of our feelings and needs. It almost always works. But sometimes we can't do it on our own, so we move to the next step.

3) We ask two or three of our trusted friends to sit with us as we use drive-through listening again. This step has never failed to work. We always go away from the meeting with friends with a solution we can both live with, and it feels really safe to know we can always solve our disagreements. Our friends are like the grand jury—they just help us say what our feelings are and what we need out of the solution. There have been times when Norma and I have been upset with each other during the group meeting, but it has always ended in peace. If it didn't, we would develop the next step. We haven't had to move another step, so I can't tell you what it is yet. But if we were forced into it, we'd keep trying different actions until we found the method that worked best for us.

We keep trying, we never give up—which is, of course, another instance of a positive charge, a way to say, "You're so central in my life I'll do anything to get through problems and clear the way to deeper intimacy."

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center

Top 12 Organics

The Environmental Working Group has come up with a list of the top 12 fruits and vegetables to buy organic.  These are the foods that, when purchased in a non-organic state, have the greatest amount of pesticide residue. 

1. Peaches
2. Apples
3. Sweet Bell Peppers
4. Celery
5. Nectarines
6. Strawberries
7. Cherries
8. Lettuce
9. Grapes
10.  Pears
11.  Spinach
12.  Potatoes

1) Visit a nature center, or wildlife rescue or refuge center.

2) Camp out – you can do this at a campsite in your own area, or you can even have a camp out in your backyard. 

3) Sign up for a workshop or activity you can do as a family.  Look into cooking lessons, tennis lessons, or walking tours.

4) Let your kids choose their dream destination and then go there – without leaving home.  Decorate a room in the style of that country or city.  Watch a movie shot on location.  Eat the food of that locale.  Try to learn a bit of the language.

5) If you have friends who are also taking staycations, see about trading houses with them for the weekend.

6) Enlist the help of grandparents and other relatives.  Let your children spend a few days away from home, and see if you can join them on the weekend.

7) Join a country club or community pool.  Some clubs in smaller cities offer membership for as little as $50 a month.   Consider it an investment in keeping your kids active, this summer.  Call around to see if you can find "summer only" specials.

8) Take the train.  Many railway carriers offer short trips of an hour or two.  Pack a lunch and enjoy the scenery with your kids.

9) If you have a beach, lake or river nearby, check the paper or internet for bargains on rentals.   Since fewer people are traveling this summer, you might be able to get a great deal. 

10) Visit a local art museum with your kids. Once they've seen the paintings, sculpture, photography and other creative works, give them some drawing paper, some modeling clay or a camera and let them recreate their own favorites at home. Then create a gallery in your family room, featuring their finished works of art.

And, even though you won't be getting far away, sometimes just a change of scenery is all the boost you need.

Celebrate your own father, and the father of your children this Sunday. Make Dad the center of attention for a change. Here are some ways that you and your kids can make Dad's day!

1. Before Father's Day, sit down and write a note to your husband, telling him what a great dad he is, and how important he is to your family. Have each of your kids write a note or draw a picture, then on Fathers' Day, leave them in places where Dad is sure to find them. On his pillow, next to his coffee cup, taped to his shaving mirror, in his favorite chair.

2. Make Dad's favorite meals all day, starting with breakfast and ending the day with a spectacular dessert.

3. Have your kids make Dad's Day coupons to give as a gift. They can make coupons for hugs, kisses, shining Dad's shoes, washing Dad's car, total access to the TV remote, you get the idea. And Mom, you might want to make some coupons of your own to give to your husband. Use your imagination!

4. Take a walk with Dad. It's a simple thing, but a half-hour walk, away from the telephone, the TV and the distractions of the day can be a real bonding experience. And something you might want to make a regular habit.

5. Commit to complimenting Dad often. Start by going around the dinner table and having each person say what they love most about him. But don't just make it a once-a-year event. Dads deserve compliments every day.

6. Make up a song about Dad and sing it to him.

7. Remember all the Dads in your family. Your own father, your husband, your father-in-law, your grandfather. Give your kids the opportunity to honor all the men in your family who have made a difference in their lives.

8.  Hand over your camera or camcorder and let your kids take pictures of their Dad, or make their own home movie, starring Dad. You'll enjoy seeing him through their eyes, and the results will be a family keepsake for years to come.

9. Indulge Dad in his favorite pastime. Dads are always doing whatever everyone else wants to do. On Dad's Day, take him bowling, fishing, or browsing through the home improvement warehouse... do whatever he enjoys doing, and do it with joy!

10. Take a few minutes at the end of the day to give thanks to God for the man who loves you, protects you and provides for you. Then have the family gather around Dad and let everyone take turns listing all the things they love about him.

1.    Making time for each other.

2.    Treating each other with respect every day is more important than occasional big, romantic gestures.

3.    Building a lasting marriage doesn't happen overnight.  Use the tough times to make your marriage stronger.  Use the good times to build a foundation for the bad times.

4.    Little disagreements can be healthy – if you work through them without letting them turn into big arguments.

5.    Spend as much time as you can together. 

Marriage Quiz

There is no score on this quiz.  The questions are meant to help you assess the current state of your marriage, and point out weak and strong areas in your relationship.

1.     When was your last "date" with your husband?

2.    What's the last compliment you gave your husband?

3.    How do you and your husband make time for each other?

4.    Can you think of a hard time you and your husband went through, but came out stronger once the issue was resolved?

5.    What special traditions or loving gestures do you and your husband share?

6.    How much time do you and your husband spend alone each week?

7.    How many times a week do you and your husband argue or exchange harsh words?

8.    When is the last time you and your husband held hands?

1) Get Broad Spectrum Protection

Don't just look at the SPF number.  Look for products that contain: avobenzone (Parsol 1789), zinc oxide, or titanium dioxide.  Zinc oxide (it's also found in diaper rash creams) and titanium dioxide are physical blocks, whereas avobenzone is a chemical block, and will take at least 15 minutes to offer protection.  Added bonus: these types of broad spectrum protection are best at preventing the sun damage that causes signs of aging.

 2) Slather It On

A little dab won't do ya'.   Put enough sunscreen on your face and exposed body parts to really cover your skin.  Put it on thick, and then rub it in.

 3) Waterproof or Water Resistant?

Waterproof means that you'll get about 80 minutes of protection in the water.  Water resistant will give you about 40 minutes of protection.  But if your child wipes his face or rubs his skin, he'll lose some of the protection.  So when in doubt, reapply.

Watch this quick video for some tips on saving money at the gas pump...

1. The Barefoot Executive
2. Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo
3. The Reluctant Astronaut
4. The Shakiest Gun in the west
5. Gus
6. The Apple Dumpling Gang
7. How to Frame a Figg
8. The Ghost and Mr. Chicken
9. Million Dollar Duck
10. Freaky Friday (1976 version)

 1. How old are you?

2. What's your favorite song?

3. Who are your three best friends?

4. What's the best movie you've seen lately?

5. What's your favorite TV show?

6. What do you want to be when you grow up?

7. What's your favorite piece of clothing or shoes, that you own?  Take a photo of them and put them in your time capsule.

8. What's your pet's name?

9. What are two goals you want to accomplish by next year?  (Write these down somewhere else too, so you can work on them for the next 365 days.)

10. What's your favorite food?

11. What's the price of a gallon of gas (ask your mom to help you with this one)?

Want to know what true sportsmanship is all about? Take a look at this amazing story and then share it with your family!

 - Summer jobs are a great way to structure the summer for older kids.  Working at a fast food restaurant, a retail store, or doing yard work is a good way for kids to learn responsibility, and earn extra money.

- Call your YMCA to see what summer programs are on their schedule.

- Give your kids a summer-long project, something they can take ownership of.  Let them plant a garden, build something, or create something that will last beyond the summer.

- Check into sleep away camps.  Ask around to see if your friends can recommend one.  Many camps might still have spaces left, and offer "get to know you" stays of four or five days.

 According to the Autism Society of America, some of the signs of autism are:

• Lack of or delay in spoken language
• Repetitive use of language and/or motor mannerisms (e.g., hand-flapping, twirling objects)
• Little or no eye contact
• Lack of interest in peer relationships
• Lack of spontaneous or make-believe play
• Persistent fixation on parts of objects

For more information on autism, click here  

My husband and I have an 11-year-old son with autism named Gabriel. When Gabriel received his diagnosis at age 3, I had absolutely no knowledge of autism. It was never mentioned in my college psychology courses, nor in the special education course I took for my master's degree in elementary education. One of my college roommates had a younger brother with autism who lived in an institution, but I had no idea what that meant.

Although I visited her home on numerous occasions and got to know the rest of her family very well, I never met this brother. For me, therefore, the past eight years have been a learning process. The learning has occurred on several levels: first, of course, was finding out what autism is and how it affects Gabriel; second, learning what resources exist in our community and which would be most beneficial for Gabriel; and third, learning how to connect to the greater autism community.

On a different note, I believe that as important as it is to learn about autism, I don't let autism define my family. I would never deny that Gabriel has autism, but he is so much more than a label—he's a wonderful, sweet and loving boy who gives us great happiness. And while we deal with his special needs every day, we are first and foremost a family: going to school, attending baseball games, having cookouts with friends, etc. For my husband and me, it has been critical that Gabriel be part of our family in all respects, and part of his community as well.

Lauren Dungy is an ambassador for iMOM.  Her husband Coach Tony Dungy is the spokesman for iMOM's counterpart program for men, All Pro Dad.  Watch Coach Tony Dungy express his desire for you on this National Day of Prayer.

From the Book, Lucky in Love, by Catherine Johnson

1.  Happy couples felt at home with each other from the start.

Most of the couples felt a rapport almost immediately.  Sometimes it was shared values, physical attraction, or emotional connection.  The rapport includes a delicate balance of friendship, which is based in sameness, and passion, which is based in difference.

2.  Happy couples share routines and dreams.

Routines in and of themselves do not produces happiness, but they instill confidence and trust in the natural existence of the marriage.  Working together to make a dream come true makes a couple glow.

3.  Happy couples don't hold a grudge. 

When a conflict arises, they become angry, storm about--and then move on.

4.  Happy couples look for the best.

Couples thrive when spouses focus on what is good and true in the other. Positive expectations exert a tremendous force. 

5.  Happy couples learn to change.

Most couples said they had changed a great deal throughout their marriages.  A surprisingly large number of the very happy couples had experienced a crisis in their relationship.  The marriages survived — and and flourished — because one or both partners changed whatever it was about himself or herself that was causing conflict in the relationship.

6.  Happy couples understand the importance of sex.

There is often a strong and vibrant sexuality. 

7.  Happy couples do not struggle for the upper hand.

Regardless of the contributions made, the efforts of each were viewed as equally important within the household.  Without exception, every happy couple reported that the money was theirs not his or hers. 

8.  Happy couples usually describe their mate as their best friend.

These husbands and wives simply liked each other above all others.

Do Your Children Know… 

- The name of your first pet and how you got him

- Your favorite food when you were growing up and who made it for you

- How much you made an hour at your first job

- The awards or honors you received during your school years and which one meant the most to you

- Your favorite vacation spot and why

- How you and your husband met and how he asked you to marry him

- How old you were when you got your first cell phone

- Your most embarrassing moment in school

- The worst prank you ever played and if you got caught

- Nicknames you've had and why you had them

- The worst or funniest date you ever had

- Who your best friend was throughout school, what you liked about them, and what kinds of things the two of you did together

- If you were ever picked on as a child and what you did about it

- What you miss most about being a kid

Do You Know Your Children's…

- Favorite holiday memory

- Dream vacation spot

- The celebrity they'd most like to meet

- Current best friend

- Current favorite song or TV show

- Favorite animal

- Favorite subject in school

- Most cherished possession

- Best memory of a family event

- Hopes for the future

According to a survey of recent studies, children most often delay having sex for the following reasons:

- Thinking their friends have not had sex

- Knowing that their parents object to it

- Feeling they had not met the right partner

- Not feeling like they had been in a comfortable situation to have sex

- Feeling that having sex was against their personal beliefs

- Fear of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases

As you look over the list above, think about the lines of communication between you and your child.  Are you comfortable talking to your child about sex?  Is your child comfortable talking to you about sex?  Take some time today to address these issues, and educate your child on the subject of sex.

Movie tastes can vary, even within families, but the list below should have a little something for everyone.  Also, the cable network, Turner Classic Movies, is showing Oscar-nominated movies every day through March 2nd.  Though some may not be family fare, the selection will give you a good overview of some of the classics. 

El Cid / 1961

This new release on DVD should especially capture the attention of boys nine and up.  There are, as one reviewer described it, some stunning battle scenes in the movie, which is based on historical events that took place in 11^th century Spain.  Charlton Heston and Sophia Loren star.  You also might want to consider another movie in this genre that also stars Heston, Ben-Hur.

The Sword and the Stone / Disney, 1963

If your son (12 and under) is into pirates, knights or adventure, this movie is right up his alley.  Girls under the age of eight will also like this cartoon story of a young King Arthur.

Blackbeard's Ghost / Disney, 1968

A silly but fun story about an accidental visit from Blackbeard's ghost.  Another adventure story, best understood by children ages seven and older.

That Darn Cat! / Disney, 1965

The original version is a fun movie for boys and girls of all ages.  If you have a cat lover in your house, he or she will really enjoy this film.

Flipper / 1963

This is the movie on which the 1960s TV show was based.  A sweet-natured story about a Florida boy who befriends a dolphin.

Neptune's Daughter / 1949

If you've never seen any of the old Esther Williams swimming movies, do yourself a favor and dive right in!  These films are colorful, musical and fun – especially for girls ages four and up.  Other Esther Williams movies include On and Island With You and Million Dollar Mermaid.

Roman Holiday / 1954

Audrey Hepburn stars in this funny and fairytale-like movie about a princess who wants to be a normal girl.  If your daughter likes this one, check out the original Sabrina, also starring Audrey Hepburn.

Bridge on the River Kwai / 1957

One reviewer described it as a war movie that focuses on individuals, not on the war itself.  Set in a WWII prison camp, this epic should find an audience among the 11 and up set in your home.

If you asked your children this question, what would they say?  "How do you know that daddy and I love each other?"  If you want to know how your marriage looks from their perspective,  ask them (or, get a copy of our new Pillow Talk journal and you can ask them insightful questions every day).   Then, use this list to examine the way you and your husband relate to one another.  Which of these apply to your relationship?

1. Our children see us hold hands and share affection
2. We speak to each other respectfully and kindly
3. We help each other openly and without complaining
4. We speak kindly about one another to our children
5. We speak kindly about one another in our conversations, when our children can hear us
6. We give each other gifts or cards on our anniversary, Valentine's Day, Christmas, etc.
7. We go on date nights and have someone watch the children at home
8. We tell our children how much we love each other and how glad we are to be married to each other
9. We talk fondly of our dating days and our wedding day
10.  We pray for each other in front of our children
11.  If we have a heated discussion, we do so in a civil manner
12.  We scream and yell at each other
13.  We call each other mean names
14.  We are aggressive or violent with each other
15.  We bad-mouth each other in front of the children
16.  We bad-mouth each other in our conversations that our children hear
17.  We never do anything together, without the kids
18.  We don't exchange cards or gifts
19.  We only help each other after complaining about doing so
20.  We fight and argue regularly in front of the children

Valentine's Day Fun

Colored Hearts Game

Buy a bag of colorful candy  hearts.  Then have your family gather around the table.

1.   Pour the candies into a bowl.

2.  Decide what each color signifies. Write it down on a piece of paper everyone can see. For instance:

PINK = Name ONE reason why you love each person at the table

PURPLE = Choose ONE positive word to describe the person to your right

GREEN = Choose ONE positive word to describe the person to your left

YELLOW = Hug the person to your right

RED = Hug the person to your left

WHITE = Make up and sing a silly love song about your family

You get the idea…

Love Story Quiz

How much do your kids know your dating days and marriage?  Let them quiz you with questions like:

- Where did you and Dad meet? 

- What was a typical date like for you and Dad?

- How long did you date before you got engaged?

- What did your parents think about the two of you getting married?

- How did Dad propose? 

- How many people were at your wedding?

- Where did you go on your honeymoon?

- What was your first house like?

Name Game

Write your child's first name vertically, on a card.  Then, for each letter, write something you love about them.  Like this:

CLARA
Cuddly
Loveable
Adorable
Really sweet!
A dream come true

You have about a week to plan your Valentine's Day date. To get started, why not treat yourself to some music that puts you in a romantic mood. That will make planning your date much more fun! Here's my new favorite song, 'One and Only,'  from Michael O'Brien's new CD, Something About Us. It's available at Amazon.com.

Valentine's Date Night Ideas

- Avoid the crowds at restaurants and pick up your favorite dinner to go.

- Consider a change of venue and dine outside in the back yard, on the deck or porch.

- Make a date to go to the gym together (and be sure to praise his physique and stamina during the workout!).

- Leave a loving voicemail on his cell phone, which he can listen to throughout the day.

- Create a collection of Valentine coupons that your husband can redeem throughout the year. Be creative and think of things that would surprise or please your spouse, like a back rub, his favorite home-cooked meal (plus dessert!), an afternoon uninterrupted time for him to watch sports, or maybe instant forgiveness for one of his little irksome habits.

- Pick him up from work and whisk him away to an action movie he's been wanting to see. No chick flicks, please!

- Are your children young? Avoid the expense of a sitter by being organized. Put the kids to bed and then the two of you can dine alone.

- Are your kids teenagers who stay up later than you? Take your dinner and mood music on the road. We go to a park with a view of the water. We just park, cuddle up in a blanket in the back seat and dine at our leisure. You can even make it dinner and a movie by taking along your laptop or your portable DVD player and a romantic movie. Warning: You will know you have been parked too long if the windows steam up!

Do white chocolate and milk chocolate have health benefits?
Sorry, but, no. They lack the flavonoids that make chocolate beneficial. Flavonoids are the natural compounds that have antioxidant properties.

So is all dark chocolate good for you? 
Unfortunately, it's the healthy part of dark chocolate--the flavonoids-- that gives dark chocolate its bittersweet taste, so candy makers often remove them. And since manufacturers are not required to label the amount of flavonoids their product contains, if it doesn't say it has flavonoids, you can't assume it does. 

But, if you find a dark chocolate bar with flavonoids, studies have shown that it may help to improve your circulation, and lower your blood pressure. Some candy makers are now producing dark chocolate bars that are high in flavonoids to meet the growing consumer demand. 

How much dark chocolate do I need to eat for it to be beneficial?
The studies showed that as little as 4g is beneficial (that's about 1/3 of a Hershey's Dark Chocolate Bar). In the blood pressure lowering study, the patients ate the equivalent of 1.5 Hershey's Dark Chocolate Kisses.

So should my chocolate motto be, "the more the better?"
Regrettably, the answer is no. Chocolate has lots of fat, sugar and caolries that need to be accounted for in your overall diet.

Remember, as in all good things, moderation is the key!

Information compiled from studies reported in the American Heart Association and The Lancet medical journals.

Medical information within this site is not intended for use in the diagnosis or treatment of any health condition. Please consult a licensed health care professional for the treatment or diagnosis of any medical condition.

Olivia Manning's Motherhood Wisdom

- If your son is quiet, seek out times when he has a chance to talk and share his thoughts and ideas, away from louder siblings or family

- Be your son's biggest supporter – let him know you believe in him

- Eat out together – just the two of you

- If he's struggling in school, be patient with him as you try to determine why he's having a hard time.  Once you see what the problem is, work with him to overcome it.

- Look for the qualities that make your son unique, apart from his siblings

- Attend his sporting events, or other extra-curricular activities

To read Eli's story copy and paste this address into your browser:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/29/sports/football/29manning.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ei=5087&em&en=df44fd9d38252845&ex=1201755600

Super Bowl Quiz

Have fun and learn!  You can simply let your children answer the questions, or you can add some other learning elements:  let them find cities that are mentioned on a map, have them look up information on  players mentioned, or let them make up their own quiz questions.

1.  Where is the Super Bowl being played? 

     Glendale, Arizona

     Tampa, Florida

     St. Louis, Missouri

2.  Where was the first Super Bowl held? 

     Green Bay, Wisconsin

     New York, New York

     Los Angeles, California

3.  In what year was the first Super Bowl played?

     1972

     1967

     1959

4.  Who performed at last year's, 2006, half-time show?

     Prince

     U2

     Fergie

5.  What team has been to the most Super Bowls?

    Cowboys

    49ers

    Redskins

6.  How many teams have never won a Super Bowl?

     8

     11

     9

7.  What team has won the most Super Bowls?

     49ers

     Cowboys

     Steelers

8.  Who has won the most Super Bowl MVP awards?

     Dan Marino

     Tom Brady

     Joe Montana

9.  How much did tickets to last year's Super Bowl cost?

     $500

     $150

     $700

10. Who was the quarterback on the first Super Bowl winning team?

     Joe Namath

     Bart Starr

     Roger Staubach

Answers

1.   Glendale, AZ

2.   Los Angeles

3.   1967

4.   Prince

5.   Cowboys

6.   9 (have your kids try to look up which teams have never won)

7.   All three teams have won five Super Bowls

8.   Joe Montana

9.   $700

10. Bart Starr

• Go for a walk.  Sounds simple, but it works. 
• Have the kids take a book break.  Tell them to read or look at books for 10 minutes while you do something relaxing too.  Set a timer they can hear so they don't keep asking you "how much longer?"
• Grab one of your children's coloring books and color.  Again, sounds simple and a little silly, but it will distract you from your stress.
• Write down what you need to do.  Sometimes having things on paper makes them seem more manageable.
• Sip a cup of tea—not while cleaning, standing or talking on the phone—sit down and savor it.
• If your husband is willing, have him give you a 5-minute massage, then give him one too.
• Call someone to cheer them up.  Giving reduces stress.
• Lie down on your bed.  Close your eyes and visualize your perfect vacation.  Smell the smells, taste the foods, hear the sounds of your perfect setting.
• Pray. 
• Take a hot shower or bath.  Lock the door so you can have some privacy.

Weekend Activities

(Or, things I can do with my child so they don't always write,
"I watched TV" in their weekend journal…)

• Go to a local high school football, basketball or any other game.
• Let your children prepare a meal.
• Plant flowers (indoors in a flower pot or outside).
• Get to know the family of one of your child's friends by having the family over for a cookout.
• Let your kids take photos, print them, and make a photo album — then have the kids think of captions.
• Have a fun, free scavenger hunt. Click here to see how.
• Go to a park and take some pictures of landscapes.  Develop the pictures, get out the paints and try to paint landscapes by looking at the pictures.
• Go on a bike ride that ends with a picnic.
• For girls: have a spa hour — paint each other's nails, do your hair, let them put makeup on you.
• Let your kids put on a play for the family.
• Build an obstacle course and time each family member who competes.
• Have a garage sale and let your kids decide how to spend the proceeds on a family day.
• Plan a secret surprise for someone in need.  For example, cook a meal or mow their lawn, etc. without them knowing who did it.
• If you have close friends, (you can call ahead and warn) plan a family prank on them.  We love to toilet paper our friends' house.  Just be prepared for retaliations with good humor.
• Camp out in your back yard.
• Let the kids help you paint their room.  Let them pick out the paint color. (It might get them to actually clean it first!)
• Play board games.
• Do a craft (make up your own or a buy a craft kit). Bake cookies, bread or a cake — from scratch.
• Let your children design a family crest.
• Go ice skating or roller skating.

Singer/songwriter Michael O'Brien and his wife, Heidi had what seemed on the surface to be a happy, successful marriage, but a secret addiction and a surprise diagnosis sent their relationship into a tailspin. Watch the video below to see how they battled to keep their marriage intact and forge new bonds of intimacy.

Today, Michael and Heidi enjoy a relationship that's based on enduring truth, real intimacy and renewed trust. So much so that Michael wrote a love song that we think you'll really enjoy. It's called Low Fat Latte, and, well… it's not really about coffee, it's about his wife!

There is a relatively new field of study called emotional intelligence. Research is beginning to demonstrate that emotional intelligence – our ability to understand our emotions, express them, and understand emotions in others – may be a greater predictor of whether we will be successful in life than our IQ. Empathy is one of the most important and valuable relationship skills in the study of emotional intelligence. Steven Stosny and Pat Love, authors of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, actually say that developing the skill of seeing the world through your partner's eyes, while holding on to your own perspective, may be the single most important skill in intimate relationships.

Empathy is the ability to feel some of what our spouse is feeling as they look at their world. It is not hard to imagine that if we cannot see things just a little from each other's perspective then we will not be able to know each other.

Intimacy requires that we know each other more deeply with time. Both men and women struggle with this skill. One might think women are better at it, and perhaps they are. But most of the husbands I work with do not feel that their wives see their world through their eyes. They see their wives as having compassion for their kids, for their friends, and for animals, but when it comes to his heart, the wife goes someplace else. Usually she goes to how he has hurt her or does not understand her. She is assuming the worst. She gets critical and then he gets defensive, and off the couple goes, never experiencing the very thing they long for.

They both are saying, "Just know me. Please look through my eyes for just a few moments and experience my world: It gets hard sometimes. It is hard worrying about whether I will be able to raise these children to be responsible adults; it is hard going to work each day and dealing with the people there, and I want you to know that."  For Gary and me it is hard walking the cancer journeys we have each walked, and we cannot assume that each person's journey is the same, because it's not.

In the movie, The Story of Us, the viewer just knows that the characters played by Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer are going to get a divorce. They fight and struggle and work hard at hurting each other, but they do not have a clue as to how to see the world from each other's eyes until the very end of the movie. They begin to wander over to the other set of eyes before them and risk looking from behind them and feeling the hurt in the heart of their spouse, perhaps for the first time in years. It is at this point that they decide not to divorce, that they have built way too much history with each other, and that they might possibly be able to change the negative parts of the history to positive and build the intimacy with each other that they crave.

In the movie, Michelle's character is structured, detailed, organized; and Bruce's character is playful, spontaneous, unstructured. She feels very annoyed with him most of the time in the marriage, as if his personality is communicating to her that she is not important by not upholding her rules around the house, being willing to get things fixed, and following through on things she has asked him to do. He feels she has no ability to play with him, to enjoy being together, to laugh and be silly. In the movie they are going to tell their children after they pick them up from camp that they are getting a divorce. Bruce is driving and she notices once again that the gas tank is close to empty and the washer fluid in the car has dried up, excellent examples of his lack of follow-through. More ways that he says, "I don't care about you." She almost starts to criticize him for his behavior when she has a look of "aha" on her face, and she chooses to not address the low gas tank and wiper fluid. Instead she says something connecting to him like "How are you doing right now?" She gets it for the first time that her way is not the only way of viewing the world but that her husband views it very different and in that difference he still has value. Her heart begins to turn.

Taken with permission from Carrie and Gary Oliver's book, Mad About Us: Moving From Anger to Intimacy With Your Spouse. To read more, be sure to order the Olivers' book.

Action for today

Empathy is a natural gift for some people.  For others, like me, it takes practice.  There is no time like now to begin.  Today, when your spouse or child comes home, look at them, greet them, and try to read their mood.  Hug them and ask about their day.  And then… listen.  Don't react, don't lecture, don't try to fix the situation.  Just try to understand what they are feeling.  Imagine what you would feel if you were them – not what you would do – what you would feel.  Remember from yesterday's intimacy barrier that they are different than you and may want to approach the situation differently.  That's OK, for today, just empathize.

Yesterday, we learned how making assumptions based on a negative perspective can impact a relationship. Today, authors Carrie and Gary Oliver share one of the secrets to achieving and maintaining intimacy in relationships – appreciating each other's differences.

Many people act as if everyone else should be exactly like them! We marry because we like the unique things about our spouse that are different from us. I liked that Gary had an abundance of energy, that he had great vision and initiative. I liked that he was a man! I did not know that after we were married, some of these things would be terribly annoying! Differences become barriers when we become critical of each other and how we are different. Some things we may need to negotiate, but other things we can come to accept and perhaps even appreciate about our spouse.

When we travel, Gary likes to take in all that he can from a place that he visits. He likes to find the museums, understand the history, and enjoy all the things the area has to offer. On the island of Maui in Hawaii, one can take a helicopter ride, scuba dive, drive to Hana, bike ride down the Haleakala Crater, windsurf, walk the city of Lahaina – well, you get the picture. Gary would be the type who would want to do all of that on a first trip to Maui. I might want to try a couple of those things, but other than that, I would love playing in the ocean, sun tanning, snorkeling, shopping a little, enjoying fine food, resting, reading and going for walks. Instead of putting each other down for who we are, we have learned to find out what is important to both of us. When we're on vacation, we decide what we want to do together, what we will do apart, and what we are willing to give up for the relationship.

We don't have to let our differences be a determiner of who is right or wrong or something that divides us. Oh, the hurt and frustration that can build from differences! Women can feel unloved if their husbands do not want to have long, drawn-out conversations with them on a frequent basis. Yet most men are not built to desire these types of interactions, even though they may pull it off during the dating period.

According to Pat Love and Steven Stosny in their book  How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, men will often, once they're married, perceive their home as a safe place just to be quiet. They no longer have to talk about everything, and that feels good to them! Women often see it differently. For most women, coming into marriage is even more opportunity for verbal connection. Most women desire to connect through talking, using feeling words and communicating needs. They have an innate desire to bond, and bonding often takes place through talking. If a woman's husband is silent, she might believe he is upset with her or feel that her husband is cold and distant. But often husbands who get quiet with their wives feel safe and have a sense of contentment. Who says it is more right to talk a lot! In intimate marriages honesty, vulnerability, and conflict resolution can take place with few words, especially when we come to trust and understand each other.

What is important here is to see that differences in our gender, our personality, and our cultural background can be strong barriers to knowing each other and experiencing the level of intimacy we want. We must learn what our differences are and then have a love and tolerance for these differences.

Taken with permission from Carrie and Gary Oliver's book, Mad About Us: Moving From Anger to Intimacy With Your Spouse. To read more, be sure to order the Olivers' book.

Action for today

Recall some of the unique differences you first noticed and admired in your spouse and ask yourself whether they're still a source of attraction or if they've become an annoyance. If they annoy you, shift your thinking.  Remember, differences do not have to be a determiner of who is right or wrong.  They are just different.  You can learn to appreciate differences and love your spouse and/or child's uniqueness.

Today, Carrie Oliver shares her thoughts on how making assumptions based on a negative perspective can impact intimacy in relationships.

If I think that Gary is generally unkind, not gentle, thoughtless, and insensitive, then I will not believe that he has good things for me, I will not take criticism from him, and I will not want to go through conflict. Assuming the worst about our spouse can become a habit and can start soon after we marry. It can be as small as believing they do not love and care for us as much as they should. If they forget to take the trash out, it is because they are only thinking of themselves; if they are late without calling, they do not care enough to do so; if they do not want sex as much, it must be because they do not desire us as much as they used to.

Some of these issues may need some attention and some of them may be true. But in Dr. John Gottman's research, in our work with couples, and in our own marriage, we've found that thinking negatively about our spouse can become a habit and is a very s