Feeling Bored with Your Marriage? Here’s How to Change It
My friend’s grandparents just celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary. Seventy years together is quite the accomplishment, especially in this day and age. I imagine there must have been times during the last seventy years that my friend’s grandparents felt bored in their marriage.
Most couples feel bored in their marriage at one time or another. So if this is you, take heart. We’ve all been there, even couples who have celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary! It’s normal for familiarity to get the best of us. But if you’re feeling bored in marriage, here are 5 things that have worked for me and my husband to add a little extra spice back into the relationship.
1. Create a bucket list together.
Thinking of fun activities you want to do together can add some extra excitement into the humdrum of every day life. When life was particularly routine, my husband turned to me and said, “Let’s plan something fun together, like a vacation or something, that we can look forward to.” We thought it would be fun to go to the Caribbean on a cruise, so we saved up for the next year and had the best time. Bucket list items are perfect, because you can either choose to put them into action by saving and planning, or they can stay on the list to be planned at some future time when resources and time allow, but just the act of creating the bucket list is fun.
2. Choose a new hobby or sport to learn and do together.
My husband and I have found this to be really effective at adding something new into our relationship. When we visited friends in Lake Tahoe and tried their stand-up paddleboards, we decided this was something we would enjoy doing together since we lived near the ocean at the time. Because my husband struggles with ADD, he can have a hard time focusing, but out on the paddleboard, where there was nothing but water and me, we had some really great conversations. And if you can’t agree on something, read the next recommendation.
3. Encourage each other to find more life outside the marriage.
One of my friend’s husbands doesn’t have any friends or do anything outside of their marriage. He’s got very little going on besides work and her, and recently, he was invited to a men’s group, and instantly, he felt new life and excitement at the possibility of new friendships. A new Bible study or extracurricular activity will give you something new to discuss with your spouse.
4. Change up your routine.
Sometimes it just takes being intentional to add something new into your routine. What can you put in the calendar that will add some more joy or excitement to your relationship? Sex into your weekly routine? A unique date night? Want some ideas? Read iMOM’s 7 More interesting date night ideas.
5. Focus on what you like about him.
Scientific studies have shown that gratitude and thankfulness releases dopamine, the feel-good hormone, the same as if you were to take antidepressant medication. So remember what you like about him. Be thankful for those good qualities, and you will find you might not be so bored after all.
What are some other ideas you have for couples who are feeling bored in their marriage?
Cassandra Soars has published various national magazine articles on a wide range of topics, including life in Mozambique, Africa, where she lived for five years. Her first book Love Like Fire: The Story of Heidi Baker is available on Amazon.