Do you remember the term groupie? It has usually been associated with rock starts. Groupies are the devoted fans – often women- who idolize their favorite performers. They travel in groups, following their favorite performers and doing whatever they can to be close to them, enjoying the precious moments they have with those brilliant, talented performers.
Groupie parents do the same thing with their children. They view their children as “stars” who are to be honored and served and have their every whim catered to, and they make sure they are available to applaud at any possible moment. These parents never miss a performance or fail to show up for a PTA meeting. They’re great volunteers as long as their children benefit directly from the attention. (They’re often the “stage moms” or the infamous “pageant parents.”) What they long for most of all is to bask in the presence of their glorious offspring.
The Groupie Parent Mindset
They might even spiritualize the issue by saying, “These children are precious gifts, blessings from heaven, and I am called to serve them and provide for them as they grow up under my care.” Those statements are true, but groupie parents fail to see the other side of that reality – their children are entrusted to them to raise to become mature, contributing adults. We parents are stewards of our children. We only have them for so many years (although the years seem to be increasing). Our role is to equip them to give back to society; to improve the world for having been in it.
Because the child of a groupie parent in essence becomes an idol, the groupie parent’s approach is almost that of worship. What the child wants, the child gets. More than merely being spoiled, the child is venerated as the center around which the family revolves.
I recently spoke at a college commencement ceremony and heard about some groupie parents in the audience. These parents had kids who didn’t graduate magna cum laude or even cum laude (with honors). Consequently, their graduation robe didn’t include the “honors” cords and tassels. Since these parents felt their children deserved those honors, they created their own set of cords for the kids to wear. I would assume this was embarrassing for the graduates, but who knows? If you’re accustomed to being idolized and catered to, you might not even understand when such behavior is out of line.
The Problem:
These parents fail to recognize that kids need leaders, not servants. They enjoy their precious moments with their children, but they fail to equip them for the future.
The Issue:
I have observed that this type of parenting style is often a reaction to a past experience. Due to the absence or neglect of their own parents, they may swing the pendulum to the other extreme, determining to never miss any milestone their child experiences. This motivation in itself is noble. The problem lies in their failure to see the big picture. By lavishing too much time and attention on a child and never denying the child anything, groupie parents can increase that child’s self-image to an unhealthy level. How can anyone surrounded by groupies avoid becoming bloated with self-importance?
Sadly, these kids, who are used to being the center of attention, may never learn to function when the spotlight goes off. They may also become relationship-disabled, unable to manage the give-and-take for a healthy relationship.
These parents must work to grasp the reality that loving their children means treating them as people, not idols. It means learning to say no when appropriate and requiring them to serve others…as well as learning to work well even when the focus is not on them. And perhaps the best gift any married parents can give their kids is to keep that marriage healthy. The kids will be happiest when they know they’re a welcome addition to a family, not the center of family life.
Used with permission from the book “Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future” by Dr. Tim Elmore. It is available at www.generationiy.com or at www.amazon.com.
