Children who develop confidence through their academic or athletic skills have a sense of self-esteem that is independent from peers and can’t be destroyed by RA. Studies have even shown that the better a child feels about herself, the less likely she is to participate in RA as well. Finding one or two things she likes and promoting her ability to develop these into a real talent will be more likely to create a lasting, healthy self-esteem than immersing her in so many activities that she doesn’t have time to enjoy any.
Choosing Activities
While children should be able to select the activities they feel most passionate about, adults should be mindful of what they support and pay for. Some sports seem to foster an unhealthy degree of competition, perhaps because of their focus on individual rather than team performance. Many girls believe swimming creates a dynamic ripe for RA: too much time in bathing suits or in locker rooms where bodies are displayed and too much emphasis on individual events and times. Dancing is another activity often identified with RA, perhaps for the same reasons. For girls with floundering self-esteem, an activity with a team or group focus may be a better option.
The same holds true for boys. If your son is not a great athlete, find a league that’s not as competitive, and focuses more on the enjoyment of the sport. Also encourage him to try non-athletic school activities.
Beyond School Activities
In addition to school-related clubs or sports, there are programs available that build self-esteem and confidence. Some examples are the Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, 4-H Clubs, Volunteers, and the Boys and Girls Clubs of America.
Having one or two more interests outside of school can be a way for children to meet a variety of friends and to avoid boredom, which has been listed as a frequent reason for starting rumors, gossiping, or creating RA dramas. A mother of five teenage girls says, “I’ve always exposed them to a wide variety of friends in a wide variety of ages. They had older friends at church, adult friends through their volunteer work, younger friends at family gatherings, and all different sports teams. Even if they did feel unpopular in one place, there was always somewhere else where they were popular.”
Connecting a child with others is a strong protective factor. These others don’t necessarily have to be within the immediate family, nor do they have to come from an intact set of parents. Links to extended relatives, volunteer projects, community organizations, and faith communities will all give your children different perspectives and provide a richer database of resources for them to draw on in times of trouble.
Role Playing
Another way to promote a sense of personal power is to prepare your children for situations involving RA. What are her options? What is expected? What is important? Encourage them to role-play possible situations they may encounter or to rehearse statements to herself in the mirror.
Used with permission from the book Girl Wars: 12 Strategies That Will End Female Bullying by Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D. and Charisse Nixon, Ph.D., (Fireside).
