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Father’s Day Without a Dad: How You Can Help Your Kids

What memories does Father’s Day pull up for you? I remember watching my dad unwrap ties, golf balls, and yet another paperweight I’d made him at school. But Father’s Day is hard for many, including me and my children. My kids have two hard reminders this month: the anniversary of their dad’s death and, on the heels of that, another Father’s Day without a dad.

I can’t fix their hurt and that stinks. And while I want to honor my own father, who’s a great man, I want to recognize my children’s pain and deep loss. Perhaps you or your children are also navigating a hard Father’s Day this year because of death or divorce or a dad who just hasn’t shown up for his family as he should. There’s no quick fix for the pain, but here are 5 ways to help when Father’s Day hurts.

1. Make a new memory at an old place.

Last year, my kids and I went to an old restaurant where their dad and I had our second date. The food took a long time to arrive, which was perfect because we had more time to talk. We walked along the riverbank outside, pitched rocks across the water, and just enjoyed the family we do have. This intentional time together filled our hearts on a day that could have emptied them.

2. Be extra considerate of your child.

Once, at our church, my children had to color homemade cards for a dad they don’t have. It was too hard. If Father’s Day is hard for your family, consider letting your kids skip Sunday school that day so they don’t get put in a painful position. At home, be careful not to put on any movies or shows that center on dads or fatherhood. And steer clear of places or events where your kids will be confronted with other people’s Father’s Day celebrations.

3. Plan a meaningful family outing.

For each Father’s Day, we plan a fun outing together. But we’ve chosen not to do a theme park, which might just numb over the pain. Rather, we choose an activity that gives us time to talk and enjoy each other.

4. Listen to your child’s heart.

Ignoring Father’s Day won’t make the pain disappear. I try to note the pain this day brings but not linger in it. Ask your kids some gentle questions and show compassion as they respond. This isn’t a time to criticize their father with remarks of what he should have done or been. That’s never healing. This is a day to listen, to let them express their feelings, to hear concerns, and to answer questions.

5. Tell stories about Dad.

Kids need to know about their dad. I’m always surprised how my kids eat up family stories and how many they still don’t know. They love when I tell stories about their dad growing up (those I heard myself) and stories of our dating and early married years. If these are painful for you, tell stories about the kids and their dad or go through photo albums and videos. Telling our children stories about their dad helps them know who they are and whose they are.

6. Honor other strong men in your child’s life.

Perhaps your children have an uncle, grandfather, or stepfather who has been like a father in many ways. We need tenderly to understand that it will never erase our children’s loss, so we shouldn’t gloss over their pain. But we can honor the men who are in our children’s lives.

Moms, we’re raising future dads and the wives of future dads. When Father’s Day hurts, it’s an opportunity to walk our children through the pain and help them see the importance of good fathers.

When Father’s Day hurts, it’s an opportunity to walk our children through the pain and help them see the importance of good fathers. Click To Tweet

How have you handled Father’s Day when it hurts? Let us know in the comments!

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