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I Don’t Like My Husband. What Do I Do?

I was mid-sip in a cup of coffee when my friend blurted out, “I don’t like my husband anymore.” I didn’t know what to say. I could tell she’d been holding it in for a while, so I just sat back and let her vent. She said her husband’s a good guy but it’s the little things: the way he makes a lot of noise while he’s getting ready in the morning and she’s still sleeping, the way he turns on the charm for his friends and coworkers but retreats when her family and friends are around, and the way he slurps his coffee.

Sure, she can tackle each of these things separately, but that would be like playing whack-a-mole. At the same time, ignoring the small issues can lead to bigger problems. Instead, do these 5 things when you feel like screaming “I love you, but I don’t like you right now.”

Change your attitude.

The old idiom “familiarity breeds contempt” has been around a long time because it’s true. The longer we’re with someone, the more opportunities we have to see their good parts and their bad parts. So it’s only natural that the man you see more than anyone else will get on your nerves. Every day, find something to be grateful for about your husband. You might have to look hard at times, but trying to be conscious of his good traits will help the small annoyances seem less important.

Decide what’s non-negotiable.

For the things that are a big deal, don’t brood about them in silence. Your husband can’t change unless you give him the courtesy of telling him what’s bothering you. I recently told my husband that when he retreats to the bedroom while the kids are still up and need attention, it makes me feel abandoned, even though he’s just a room away. Before you talk to him about the biggies, consider how you’ll approach him. Start by telling him how you feel and be careful not to begin by pointing a finger at him.

Recognize your own shortcomings.

In the naive early stages of my marriage, I thought that while my husband had habits and idiosyncrasies that bothered me, surely there couldn’t be anything about me that bothered him. It feels ridiculous to even say that now. Everyone has quirks and tendencies that can be annoying. We all also have areas of struggle. When you’re tempted to zero in on your husband’s shortcomings, try to be aware of your own. Think about how he cuts you slack and return the favor.

When you're tempted to zero in on your husband's shortcomings, try to be aware of your own. Click To Tweet

Don’t compare.

If you’ve started comparing your husband to other men and that’s the main reason he’s moved into your People I Don’t Like column, break that habit. Not many husbands, or wives, can withstand the scrutiny of comparison. And what you see on social media or the occasional double date with another couple is not the whole person.

Choose love.

OK, maybe you’re in a strong “I don’t like my husband” phase. When you’re stuck here, try the “act as if” method. Act like you like him. Choose to love him via your actions. Be kind to him, at the very least, because he’s a person who is probably doing the best he can. Lovingly help him in his role as a husband and father. If you do choose to approach him about the reasons why you don’t like him, do it lovingly.

You can also look over this list of 99 things you might be thankful for about your husband to start liking him more.

What do you do when you don’t like your husband?

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