Is It Nagging or Giving Advice?

is it nagging

So when does giving advice to your husband turn into nagging? Let me give a hall of shame example from my own life.

I was just trying to help my husband by giving him my opinion about a staff change at the office. So I shared my two cents and he listened. Then, I shared it again…and again. And then the next day I really got wound up and strongly advocated for my opinion. Somewhere in there I crossed the line between giving advice and nagging.

Here’s what I could’ve done instead: let my husband know that this topic really mattered to me, made sure he really understood my position, and then asked him to let me know when he made a decision. From there, the ball was in his court. Sure it was okay for me to check on where he was in his decision making, but I didn’t need to keep pressing home my preference.

Whether our advice is about how to take out the garbage or something related to work, husbands usually tolerate their wife’s advice, just not their nagging. [Click to Tweet]

Now that we have nagging covered, let’s look at its cousin, nitpicking? Here’s how to tell if it is Nagging or Giving Advice.

1. It’s a numbers game.

How often do you correct your husband or point out his minor flaws, mistakes, or annoying habits? More than once a day? Uh-oh, you might be a nitpicker. Try to go an entire day without correcting or criticizing. You can do it!

2. You’ve been called on it.

Has your husband told you that you get on him too much for the little things? Does he get defensive when you point out his shortcomings? Maybe it’s because you’re correcting him too much. Maybe it’s because you are a nitpicker.

So, if your husband does say that you nag or nitpick too much, take it to heart without getting upset. Really look at yourself and your actions. If he’s right, apologize and tell him you’ll try to nitpick less. And, avoid these 5 Ways Not to Communicate with Your Husband.

3. You’re being too picky.

Okay, now it’s time to do some self-examination. Today, keep track of how often you nitpick, not just with your husband, but throughout the day. Do you get annoyed at the driver next to you, the mom you run into at the grocery store, or the way this, that, or the other is just not right? Might be time for an attitude adjustment.

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In The Comments

When do you nitpick your husband?


  • LivingForMyKids

    I am in need of healing and need to fall out of love. Spent too long trying to save a marriage alone with no thread of true reconciliation from him after 25 years. I need to get over and get on, so that I can be a better mother to our kids. Know that co-parenting and working together is best for kids. But how do I make that happen when I feel abandoned and betrayed? He has and thinks I should be showing him appreciation and thanks for not taking everything and sacrificing for the last 20 years. He has been miserable and forced into doing things just so everyone else can be OK. I did give him credit for teaching me not to put too much faith, trust and belief in one’s word.
    So last night in dealing with the fact I’m “being ridiculous” as a mom by expecting some communication with our 18 yr old daughter of thinking it is respectful to ask permission instead of telling me what or where she is going. Talking to another family that has offered her a place to stay. They have never talked to me at all about our divorce situation. So I just wanted to let them know that she does have a house and a mother at home that loves her very much. Even put in there that even though her Dad left us, he still loves her too. If they did have concerns or ways that I could be a better parent to help through this situation I was open to hearing any of them. Living with her Dad wouldn’t be a good solution and he talked to her on Sunday night. But here we are and nothing has changed at all.
    In our conversation last night we moved from kids to us, which I know better. But anyway he asked if I new the definition of betrayal, deceit, not being honest, etc, which he agreed and then decided to put back on me all the justifications for his needs not being met… he is still claiming to just be great friends and assured our older kids at time of affair rumor that it wasn’t true. But he was very much involved before finally admitting to me that he was no longer in love with me and the entire time that I was trying to reconcile reminded me on a regular basis that if the opportunity was to come up with her, continual texting and even when he would somewhat quit, she would continue. In his mind that is where he wants to be.
    I need help getting my mind into a new place of life and family without him in the picture. He wants to still be part of family things and offered to help with Easter baskets, work around the house, etc. I am able to admit and the entire time, which was over a year ago, he had said we were in two different places. Which is so true and I should have stopped the bleeding long ago. He was in need of passion and butterflies and I now realize that all I truly needed was honesty and commitment. Two things which he just isn’t capable of during this time of his life.
    He thinks and acts as if we are or can be friends, but I don’t want to be angry and I’m doing my best to just forgive and move on. But this process is so hard.

    • Libby

      Livingformykids – I am praying for you right now.

      • LivingForMyKids

        I’ve Since found out more & realIze that he was not being honest. Hrs always angry/mad when I see him to exchange our son. Not even taking his night on the off weekend. In public he acts very arrogant & still claims that neither of them have or are doing anything wrong.
        I still have emotional swings, but know that I need to focus on people that care about me & he’s not one of them. Thanks

        • Candice

          Surround yourself with people that can uplift you and give you strength. Have hope that things will work out the way that God has planned them to. I know that’s very hard to do, but I feel that without looking to the HOPE that God has given us there is no way I could get through each day. “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience peace which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and mind.” Praying for you!

          • LivingForMyKids

            Thanks so much. I try to stay as positive as possible. Have limited abnd unfriended people on Facebook that I feel are supporting their inappropriate behavior. Dint feel this is right, but helps me mentally to not read or see things related to the my ex’s friend.
            miss an arm around me, a hug from someone that cares is nice. Just want to help our children heal as well. So focusing on that.