Is Your Daughter Boy Crazy?


boy crazy

The romance bug has bitten my tween daughter. She’s noticing boys. I suppose this day had to come at some point! So instead of letting it take its course without me, I’m diving into her romance world. Because if I stay familiar with what’s going on, I can legitimately give input. Like, “So, it’s a little odd that that character would be so heartbroken because that guy didn’t talk to her when she’s only known him for a few days, isn’t it?” Or, “Now that’s the kind of guy who knows how to treat a girl…”

By being a part of the romance world (and sharing the experiences I remember from when I was her age), instead of condemning it, I can help counter the fantasy images that could put my daughter at risk for making bad relationship choices later. So enter your daughter’s romance world and your son’s too, for that matter. Here’s how to handle a boy crazy girl.

Observe quietly.

Before you jump in with advice or comments, watch and wait. Don’t jump at the first sign that your child is moving into another stage. Take things in so that you can assess what your first move should be.

Don’t embarrass her.

This is not the time to make jokes about your daughter being “in love.” Treat her and her feelings with respect. Teasing will only make her feel like she needs to pursue this new interest in secret.

Stay current.

Who is the big thing now in the movies, books, and TV shows your daughter enjoys? Find out what you can about her areas of interest. Some may be harmless, but others might require you to consider talking to your daughter about her choices.

Be casual.

Not many kids want their mom to pull them aside to have “a talk” about romance. Instead, try to interject your opinions and comments casually.

Stay calm.

pray for my daughterYou may want to go into rescue mode if you discover your daughter is falling for the bad boys. But before you panic, realize that many girls go through phases. Yes, let her know why you don’t think this or that guy is good boyfriend material, but be careful not to come down hard on her.

Moms, what suggestions do you have in dealing with the topic of the opposite sex with your kids?

Comments


  • Thank you for sharing and the book recommendation, we appreciate your wisdom and experience!

  • Sad Mom

    Am I too old fashion if I don’t allow my kids to “date” at 14 years old? I have encouraged my kids to have friends of the opposite gender but have limited it to friendships. They can have a girl/boy that they like and are good friends with but I think that it is too much pressure on our kids allowing them to get caught up in the social status of having a boy/girlfriend. Seriously, they are 14. They don’t even have a learner’s permit. How are they going to go on a “date”? I want my kids to enjoy the uncomplicated aspect of being teenagers without the drama of a relationship. I want them to have fun and have friends and go and do with all of their friends. They are still figuring out who they are what learning to grow up in little ways. As adults we even have a difficult time navigating the realms of relationships and I feel that it is a set up for disaster to allow our kids to attempt to find their way in something that we struggle with as adults.

    • Amanda

      Your not old fashioned! Your smart!

  • claudia

    I know I was boy crazy from 3rd grade on. Now that I am 40 with a wonderful husband and two boys, I can reflect as to why. Personally, I have always looked for the attention I did not get from my father. He was an immigrant who worked 2-3 jobs to put food on our table, so needless to say, he was never around. Since I loved him so much but did not get to spend time with him, I believe I craved it from other boys. I tell all my friends with daughters to have them spend as much time with their dads as possible. And Dads, please tell her how much you love her or how pretty she is, etc. If she does not get it from the one male she has had since birth, she will be looking for it elsewhere! Just my two sense from a girl who has been boy crazy all her life!

    • Sandra Spinning-Wilson Hendric

      So true …

  • BjH

    I was a boy crazy girl when I was growing up and I was in some very bad relationships prior to meeting my husband. My recommendation would be to make sure dad gets involved and stays involved at an early age. He should also be able to talk with her about “difficult” topics. My daughter is 7 years old and my husband has taken her on daddy/daughter dates for the last 3-4 years sometimes once a month and sometimes more often. I have encouraged him to make a big deal out of it. I even had him “pick her up and knock at the door”. It is important for her to be treated with respect and shown she is special for her self esteem, in my opinion, so she can see how she should be treated from a member of the opposite sex and not fall into a situation where she is in a potentially abusive (physical or emotional) relationship. Some of her female friends in school tease her because (she’s kind of a tom boy at times) and likes to hang out with the boys in her class vs the girls and they began saying that the boy was her boyfriend. So we talked about how we can be friends with boys and girls and it’s ok and that they are teasing her.
    Once a week in the evening before I tuck her into bed for the night we have some girl talk time for her to ask me anything (without her little brother to interrupt). She looks forward to that time and so far it’s been her telling me about things she likes or things at school or daycare but I’m hoping the open communication in the safe space will get her in the habit of communicating with me and feelings safe to do so.
    Communication is very important to start from a young age and then it becomes habit and it’s easier to get them to open up when teenagers. My mom was great with that with me and I knew I could tell her anything.

  • Sandra Spinning-Wilson Hendric

    When I was a tween ~ my brain was in the shining Knights and Cinderella phase! This is especially true for those girls who don’t really have a Dad to fit the Knight in Shining Armor role! Hopefully the Dads will begin to take on that role when their daughters reache the tween-age! Otherwise the Knight will be found elsewhere … and NOT found in a mother figure.