Raising Girls

Is Your Daughter Boy Crazy?

boy crazy

The romance bug has bitten my tween daughter. She’s noticing boys. She wants to read books with a hint of romance and she wants to read up on the cute guys in the latest movies and TV shows. Hmmm. This day had to come at some point! So instead of letting it take its course without me, I’m diving into her romance world. Why?  If I stay familiar with what’s going on, I can legitimately give input. Like, “So, it’s a little odd that that character would be so heartbroken because that guy didn’t talk to her when she’s only known him for a few days, isn’t it?” Or, “Now that’s the kind of guy who knows how to treat a girl…”

By being a part of the romance world (and sharing the experiences I remember from when I was her age), instead of condemning it, I can help counter the fantasy images that could put my daughter at risk for making bad relationship choices later.

So enter your daughter’s romance world and your son’s too, for that matter.

Here’s how to handle a boy crazy girl.

Observe quietly.

Before you jump in with advice or comments, watch and wait. Don’t’ jump at the first sign that your child is moving into another stage. Take things in so that you can assess what your first move should be.

Don’t embarrass her.

This is not the time to make jokes about your daughter being “in love.” Treat her and her feelings with respect. Teasing will only make her feel like she needs to pursue this new interest in secret.

Stay current.

Who is the big thing now in the movies, books, and TV shows your daughter enjoys? Find out what you can about her areas of interest. Some may be harmless, but others might require you to consider talking to your daughter about her choices.

Be casual.

Not many kids want their mom to pull them aside to have “a talk” about romance.  Instead, try to interject your opinions and comments casually.

Stay calm.

You may want to go into rescue mode if you discover your daughter is falling for the bad boys. But before you panic, realize that many girls go through phases. Yes, let her know why you don’t think this or that guy is good boyfriend material, but be careful not to come down too hard on her.

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In The Comments

What about your daughter?  Is she ready to date?

By: Nancy Jergins

iMOM Contributor

Nancy Jergins has written about relationship and family issues for more than 15 years, and does her best to enlighten and encourage others with her words.

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  • Allison Stadler Hendrix

    This is such a great article. Thank you Imom and Kari for giving our girls direction. Your 5 points are spot on.

    • karikampakis

      Thank you, Allison. Your feedback always mean so much to me!

  • karikampakis

    Dana, thank you for writing this article and including me in it. Great job summing up a common problem for girls today, one that definitely deserves more dialogue like this!

  • Angela B

    I was tagged in a FB post sharing this article because my 9yr old daughter is going through some of this at school. She has a 50/50 friend who is mean and angry to her one minute and then turns around and gives her things the next. The little “mean” girl is desperate for friends but pushes them away with her behavior. She gave my daughter a dollar the other week and a cell phone (!) last week. She’s given her other things too. I have suspicions that the girl is in an unstable and unloving home. There may even be abuse present. So, I know she needs friends. But my daughter is naive and quick to give loyalty. It’s a difficult situation. Thanks for the article.

  • Jill

    A friend shared this after learning my daughter has been the target of what your article calls “50/50 friends.” After weeks of being let in and let out of the ‘friends bubble of 3 girls’ with mean comments and neglect in between the bouts of relief to be ‘let in’, my daughter responded by shoving a girls book to the floor after being kicked out of the bubble again. Not a great response, but somewhat appropriate considering that it has been ongoing. Unfortunately the teacher is focusing on her actions not the interactions of the girls for the last few months. And feeling like a Mama failure, we set our daughter up for failure by keeping her in a class with only 5 girls. Inside we knew this wasn’t a great set up, but our daughter begged to stay with her class that she has been with for 6 years. And worse yet, I didn’t handle it well either. I wish I had this article many weeks ago to try to shift the course of the ship. Now I need a follow up article on what to do when the situation implodes and your daughter feels even more isolated.

  • jimbo

    Women are their own worst enemy. Every time you say “mean girls” you are stereotyping. Stop the madness. There are mean people in this world, men and women. Stop categorizing one sex from another. Women hold women back and articles like this encourage this. STOP!

    • kari

      Boys and girls are NOT the same. While I can appreciate what you say, that there are simply mean people in this world, females and males develop differently and not just physically. This behavior is “typical” among girls, but not boys. Boys on the other hand go through “typical” phases of behavior when their emotional needs are also not being met, but that behavior looks significantly different.

      • jimbo

        Boys and girls are not the same and each girl is not the same as each girl. Each boy is not the same as each boy. You literally are throwing 50% of the population together. Don’t generalize. It’s only “typical” because you have been trained to look for it. For boys, it’s “boys will be boys” or they are “tougher”. Let it go. Stereotypes mean nothing. People are individuals.

        • DeAnn

          Stereotypes exist for a reason. If we never look past a stereotype, there’s a problem, but to say ‘mean girls’ don’t exist is ignoring a significant problem. Boys are mean in different, not necessarily less lethal ways, but I do believe they are more upfront and honest about their feelings. This is a no-brainer. If you’ve been around, well, PEOPLE for any length of time, you should know that mean girls exist.

          • jimbo

            Upfront and honest, or do they not share their feelings? “Been around people”?? Just keep those stereotypes around and keep going to a psychologist then…. my kids are very well adjusted and don’t have to deal with these issues. They are not victims, they address any issues they face head on with people and no one is responsible for their happiness except themselves. Boys and girls have all different personalities. My brothers, sisters, sons and daughters all had different personalities. I could never separate them 50/50.

    • Gg

      I have to agree with your sentiment jimbo. My son has been through hell at the hands of bullies both male and female, peers and teachers. He’s a very sensitive soul and was recently vilified by staff at his school at a level I could no longer accept. I’ve pulled him out of school. People can be incredibly cruel. Regardless of age or sex.

  • Suzimom23

    This response is from my 11 year old daughter.

    I think this article is right focusing on what girls say to each other, because that is how girls are mean. It even says how pursuing popularity because that is how many nice girls become the mean girls. Then it tells us about the 50/50 friends and those friends are real and they can wear you down. The part about not making mean comments yourself is important because many girls retaliate not realizing that doing that they are being mean girls too. But I think the last paragraph is the most important, standing up for other girls and trying to become friends with them shows other people how a nice person can help your school, community, or workplace. Yes this article I believe is for adults too because they are mean too and just because your an adult doesn’t mean you can’t be that nice person in your community the one that helps someone up, gets out of their own world however bad it may be and helps someone else. The question is are you that girl or are you the person who lifts people down or are you the person who lifts people up. Because those two things make all the difference in how you are seen and the effect you make on your environment.

  • shannon

    My 11year old was told she was being mean by her friend cause she asked how come you didn’t tell me your mom had pizza for lunch!I was starving!That girl said well cause no one else was hungry.Friend continues to say I don’t know if I can forgive you..In my eyes my daughter wasn’t wrong.but took the blame

  • Maria

    Mean girls… let’s call them what they really are… Bullies. My daughter has been bullied since the beginning of the school year this year. These girls are relentless. In her face at school, cyberbullying, and calling her on the phone. Last week she tried to hang herself. Yes, my 12 year old daughter couldn’t take it anymore and felt this was the answer. We had been to the school, to the police, had taken down her FB, took away other social media… and they began to call her on the phone to get to her. She is now out of school and working on finishing the year through the district’s cyber program. She will begin a K12 cyber charter program in september and complete the rest of her years there. She will NOT go back to a traditional school. I agree with the article. But even when they are taught to use these methods, in some areas it is just not good enough. My daughter is beautiful, talented, smart (gifted and a year ahead). These girls are so jealous and feel if they can’t be like her, then they have to make her feel ashamed for her amazing qualities. How sad is that?

    • Messenger

      That is heartbreaking!! Father God, in the name of Jesus, give Maria’s precious daughter a revelation of who she is in Your Kingdom. Your Kingdom can never be shaken, strengthen her with all wisdom power and might which is available to us through faith in Christ Jesus. Give her supernatural understanding that she may see how miserable and insecure those mean kids are which is why they act like that. Anoint her with the oil of joy above her companions, let the peace of knowing You sink deeper than the pain of rejection and abuse from lying spirits of wickedness and rebellion that have come against her. Devil, your plans against her are cancelled in the name of Jesus. I pray the Blood of Jesus over her and against spirits of witchcraft and I pray the presence of God between Maria’s daughter and her enemies. Let her know that she is Your beloved daughter and may she sense Your love, protection and comfort wrapped around her in Jesus’ name.

      Does she have the spiritual gift of prophecy? Because wicked queen Jezebel in the Bible treated the prophet Elijah with contempt and intended to have him murdered. That wicked spirit of Jezebel still exists today and is part of an organized Satanic network of evil spirits that seek out and attack people who have the prophetic spirit of Elijah because it is the voice of prophecy that is the most powerful gift in building up the church and exposing sin that traffics in darkness, revoking any authority that has been handed over to Satan through disobedience to God’s will. Please understand that she is under an attack of spiritual witchrcaft against her mind that is destroyed only by the Blood of Jesus.

      For more understanding about this prevalent issue, google “Jonas Clark Ministries, Jezebel” and there are a lot of YouTube videos you can watch and be empowered by exposing God’s light on this situation.

      Be blessed in the name of the Lord.

  • Lia

    Mean girls are with us for life. As we get older, sometimes it is harder to discern who they are because they are so good at it. Mean girls are not limited to middle school or high school. They are middle-aged and older as well. Recognizing what distinguishes a mean girl and discussing it with your girls is the first step. Moving away from mean girls and calling it for what it is, is a great start, too. It can be hard to separate from mean girls when they are a part of your family or your daughter is in every class with the mean girls. The girl or grown woman being bullied must learn skills for dealing with it because ignoring mean girls does not work long term.

  • Bill Harnist

    Mean girls are psychopaths.

  • Standing strong

    The suggestions in this article are not realistic for teenagers or younger kids. These suggestions would be difficult for some adults being bullied on the job to enact. One simple thing that I learned decades ago is that we allow others to hurt us, by allowing ourselves to care what they think. Once someone the maturity to enact the article’s suggestions, she would probably be mature enough to just not care about the opinions of those she does not like or want to be friends with in the first place. I believe that there is, unfortunately, no way to prevent bullying or escape it, entirely in school. I told my daughter, who is now 42, to say to those bullying her, “I don’t care what you say or think. You don’t matter to me.” That may sound ugly, but it addresses the issue face on, and gave my daughter a sense of power to stand up to the bullies. I prepared her for retaliation statements by the bullies, which was to tell her to proudly flip herself around, to turn her back to them, and walk off , with a straight back and neck, holding her head high, and smiling. She got so good at it, she once told two that they were pathetic, if they needed to be mean to others to be happy. Give the bullies some of their own medicine.

    • ModernMillie

      The article reflects what my instincts led me to do with my daughter…so…disagree…moral high road works…kill them with kindness works. Additional verbage for the 50.50s…: i like you, but a rule of being my friend is that you have to be nice all the time. IT put my daughter in the power position without stooping to her bully’s level.
      we have always explain to her why the girl who believes her in class is so envious of her and why she lashes out. She stands up to her but does not act in the same way. People also have to involve the classroom teacher the guidance counselor and the principal and let them know you will go to the school board if they don’t deal with it on the school level. PrincipAls today are just trained to make you go away and it’s only when you go over their heads that you get results. I am truly stunned in this country today how many principalS say no to parents about matters they should truly be responsible for addressing,and the Parents just take it. Why? don’t want to be on popular? How old are you? What message are you sending your childParents keep in mind municipal school employees are civil servants and they work for you.. Sad

  • johnsonblessedX3

    This happened to my now 18 year old daughter after her best friend decided in high school that she wanted to be in the “popular” crowd. My daughter wanted to have fun and be silly. Her “BFF” said that she needed to be more mature now they were in Jr High. Then she began pushing my daughter out of social activities and got new friends that didn’t accept my daughter into the group. I am proud to say that my daughter, rather than conform, went off and found a new group of friends that accepted her just how she was, They are still the best of friends today. Her old BFF? She had to be home-schooled when her new group decided to turn on her too. I would like to add that I now have a 10 year old boy that is having some of these same issues with his friends, especially the 50/50 friends, so they are not immune. Are they different? Of course. Boys definitely have the “I will be totally ticked at you and now I’m over it” thing where girls hold grudges for much longer, but my son is kind and sensitive and kids prey on that unfortunately.