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10 Ways to Get Your Kids to Stop Lying

Have you ever given your kids the fresh breath test? If you have a child who tends to lie, you probably have! It works like this: You ask, “Did you brush your teeth?” Your child answers, “Yes.” You say, “OK. Then let me smell your breath.” The jig is up! It’s pretty obvious if your child hasn’t brushed his teeth. Sometimes the truth isn’t this clear, but once you’ve discovered your child isn’t telling the truth, you can start taking steps to stop the lying.

Parents often don’t know how to handle dishonesty, and common discipline techniques don’t quite address the problem. There’s not one magic solution to get your child to stop lying, because dishonesty often has several components. But a combination of a few of these 10 ideas can help you teach the value of honesty and put strategies in place to curb lying.

1. Talk about reality and truth.

Talk about how reality and truth are different from fantasy, wishes, possibility, pretend, and make-believe. It’s OK that your kids want to tell stories, but ask them to use cues to identify anything other than reality. Here are some ideas:

“I think it happened this way.” “I think this is the answer.” “I’m not sure…” “Maybe…” (possibility) “I wish this were true.” “I’d like it if…” (wish)

“I’d like to tell you a story…” “I can imagine what it would be like to…” (fantasy)

2. When you sense a child is beginning to stray from the truth, stop him.

Sometimes children start embellishing and can’t stop. Parents can help teach them. “I want you to stop talking for a minute. Think and then start again. I’d like to hear the things you know for sure separated from the things you think.”

3. If a child has ADHD or is impulsive, use a plan for self-discipline.

Sometimes children who are impulsive blurt out things without thinking. Other times they start talking and don’t know how to stop. This impulsivity component can lead to dishonesty because of a lack of self-control. It’s not always malicious lying, but it’s still not good and shouldn’t be excused because the problem often gets worse. Even kids with poor impulse control need to learn to tell the truth.

4. Talk to your child about how trust is earned.

Privilege and responsibility go together, and when a child is irresponsible, privileges are taken away. For a time, the things your child says are suspect. You may even question something that is found to be true later. A child may be hurt by this, but that hurt is the natural consequence of mistrust, which comes from lying. Being believed is a privilege earned when children tell the truth on a regular basis. Not believing your child may seem insensitive, but he needs to learn that people who don’t tell the truth can’t be trusted. Tell your child that you would like to believe him, but you can’t until he earns that privilege.

dealing with a child who liesLying is such a tricky topic that we took it to the iMOM Podcast in the episode “Liar Liar.” We discuss types of lies, how to respond, as well as share stories about our struggles with our kids. Listen here and subscribe to get new podcast episodes every Monday.

5. Pick your battles.

You find yourself in a predicament because proof seems impossible, yet you have a sense your child isn’t telling the truth. When possible, don’t choose that battleground. It’s too sticky, and you’ll usually have other clearer opportunities later because children who have a problem with lying, demonstrate it often. Choose clearer battles and avoid saying these things that often perpetuate lying.

6. Withhold further discipline if your child responds properly to correction.

In order to motivate your child to tell the truth when you first confront him, offer a lighter consequence. “If you can admit it was a lie and that you were wrong when I confront you, there won’t be any further punishment.” While you don’t want to get into the habit of bargaining, this is a temporary approach to teach a proper response to correction.

7. Understand the types of lies.

Some parents say a lie is a lie, but in reality, not all lies are created equal. Yes, we want to encourage honesty from our children, but kids tell different kinds of lies for different reasons. Knowing the reason might reveal a need your child is struggling to express. If you are able to identify and address that need, say, positive attention or self-worth, you’ll likely see a decrease in the frequency of the lies. Here are six kinds of lies kids tell.

8. Be proactive in teaching about honesty.

Tell stories from your life or read stories like:

  • The Emperor’s New Clothes
  • The Boy Who Cried Wolf
  • Pinocchio
  • Ananias and Sapphira from the Bible

You can also read 6 Ways to Keep Your Kids Honest.

9. Give an outlet for creative writing or storytelling.

Some kids lie because they are creative thinkers who need an outlet to express their imagination. These exploratory lies are usually harmless, but you don’t want your kids getting in the habit of thinking they can fool you. Buy your child a journal to write short stories in or enroll her in theater. You could even turn your bedtime story time into an opportunity for her to make up stories. Start with an opening line like, “Yesterday was the most magical day ever!” and let her fill in the next line. Go back and forth and see where the story takes you.

10. Post proverbs about honesty where your kids can see them.

One of my favorites says, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.” Notes reminding your child (and yourself) that honesty is the best policy will plant seeds that will grow in his heart and help guide him toward truth-telling.

How have you stopped your children from lying?

Dr. Scott Turansky is an author and speaker known for his heartfelt parenting approach. 

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