- Lauren Dungy
- Shaunti Feldhahn
- Tim and Darcy Kimmel
- Betsy Landers
- Dr. Walt Larimore
- Mark Merrill
- Joanne Miller
- Dr. Gary J. Oliver
- Kathy Peel
- Dr. Greg Smalley
- Dr. Scott Turansky
- Jill Savage
Articles by Shaunti Feldhahn
- Your Husband Really Wants to Make You Happy
- Why Men Feel Trapped
- Why Men Feel Inadequate
- When Your Teens Shock You—React Like This
- What Teens Really Want - By The Numbers
- What Men Have to Say about Romance
- The Secret to Making Your Husband Happy
- The Male Factor
- The Four Truths About What Teens Really Want
- The Five Respect Needs of Men
- The Five Facts of Freedom
- One of the Biggest Communication Mistakes Parents Make
- Learning How to Let It Go
- A Disrespect Barometer
- 5 Ways to Bridge the "Sex Gap"?
- 4 Ways to Deal with Your Teenager’s Independence
- 4 Ways to Bring Out Your Hubby's Romantic Side
- 3 Things Your Kids Will Say One Day - That You Won’t Want to Hear
Shaunti FeldhahnShaunti Feldhahn is a best-selling author. Her books have sold two million copies and have been translated into fifteen different languages. Shaunti is a longtime nationally syndicated columnist and holds a master's degree in public policy from Harvard University. read bio
Learning How to Let It Go
What are three of the most important words in marriage? Well the words, ‘love you’ are up there, but there’s also a lot of power in three simple words we can tell ourselves, let… it… go. “Let it go” comes into play when your husband forgets to take in the garbage can, again, but it’s because he’s worked late three times this week. “Let it go” is a loving attitude when your husband does something that really upset you, but he apologizes and asks for your forgiveness.
In this week’s Learn A Latte, iSpecialist Shaunti Feldhahn shows why men know how to let it go more easily.
Adapted from The Male Factor by Shaunti Feldhahn.
This is one of the "little things" that men found the most inexplicable: the tendency of women to essentially hold a grudge.
What Leads to "Not Letting It Go"?
What leads to the tendency to not let things go? And why is this something that men don't seem to struggle with? From what I can tell, it appears to be an unconscious response to our multitasking female brain. Our research for For Men Only found that 81 percent of women have difficulty closing "mental windows" on issues that are bothering them. The concern tends to pop back up until whatever caused the concern is resolved. By contrast, men find it easy to compartmentalize and, if they judge this particular concern as unlikely to be a long term problem, they can completely ignore it and let it go.
As one man put it, "Women have very long memories. And those emotions often continue to gyrate long after the issue should have been put to bed"
What is the solution?
In the men's minds, the solution is to address an issue of concern directly, and then simply not bring it up again. Three out of four men on the survey chose that approach. Another 22 percent said one should "stuff" the feeling of annoyance, or should never have allowed oneself those feelings to being with. Only 3 percent of men said it was acceptable to continue to express feelings of annoyance and let the situation naturally run its course.
Related Resource: 5 Steps to Forgiveness in Marriage
Pillow Talk: End your day talking with your child.
Do you ever hold a grudge? (A grudge is when you stay mad at someone.) Are you holding one now?
Excerpt used with permission from The Male Factor by Shaunti Feldhahn.comments powered by Disqus