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10 Ways to Handle Your Kids Cursing

My 11-year-old had a peculiar question for me the other day. “Mom,” he said, “is b**** a bad word?” I knew where he’d heard it. When I volunteered in the school cafeteria, I heard plenty of kids cursing. This particular word he’d heard from a 9-year-old friend.

If your kids haven’t already heard bad words at school, on TV, or at home, they will. Some families don’t care about curse words and pick other battles to fight, but if kids cursing isn’t something you’re OK with, here are 10 things you can do to keep their language clean.

1. Be realistic.

On the bus. In the halls. In texts. In comments on social media and video games. Kids curse. No need to hide your head in the sand and think your child is immune to these words. They hear them. Your job is to acknowledge this and help your child filter them out.

2. Set clear rules.

Make it clear that certain words will not be tolerated. Define the words you consider cursing and lay out the consequence for using them. Some families charge a quarter for curse words. I know a mom who made her son copy words from the thesaurus to help broaden his vocabulary.

3. Be the example.

Your kids are always listening. If you curse in front of your kids or at them, they will repeat it. Set an example for your entire family and remove those words from your vocabulary. If you’ve already developed a bad habit of saying a choice word or two, let your kids see you use self-control. It’s a great way to show you’re not perfect, and even adults need discipline.

4. Set a higher standard.

Some people view cursing as a lack of intelligence. That is debatable. However, the English language provides ample choices as replacements. Cursing usually occurs in moments of anger or enthusiasm. Set a higher standard by pausing to think about better choices of words to describe your feelings.

5. Try alternatives to the cuss jar.

A cuss jar can work wonders. Anyone caught using bad words pays a fine, which goes to charity. Dad may be the biggest contributor! But what if you don’t have change or cash? Do you put a bunch of I.O.U.s in the jar? Instead of a jar, you could subtract minutes from video game time or bump curfew up five minutes. The purpose is to help everyone in the house be more conscious of the words they’re choosing.

6. Talk about the influence of friends.

Who are your kids hanging out with? Do you know them well? You can’t judge someone by a few words, but this could be an opportunity to talk to your kids about red light friends. Help them think critically about who they let into their inner circles and what kind of influence friends are having over them.

7. Give respect.

If you curse at your kids, it hurts them. The same goes for the reverse. For now, your kids’ cursing might be directed at others, but eventually, you’ll be the recipient. Sit down and discuss the need always to respect each other. And make it clear that verbal abuse is not respect.

If you curse at your kids, it hurts them. Click To Tweet

8. Don’t overreact.

Even negative attention is attention, and a child who wants yours will resort to cursing if it gets a rise out of you. If your child adds an undesirable word to her vocabulary, simply say, “We don’t use that word. If you say it again, here’s the consequence.” Avoid retelling the story to friends or family. Try giving extra attention for positive behavior or just because you love your kiddo.

9. Take away the gadgets.

Especially if you think the negative influence is coming from social media, music, or gaming, it’s time to take away screens. In most families, parents have paid for phones and game systems, so you have every right to confiscate them if they’re hurting your child. Tell him that you can see a direct negative effect and it’s your job to protect him from that. When he’s gone 24 hours without saying a bad word, he gets the gadget back. Then repeat as necessary, although you probably won’t have to.

10. Teach about the power of words.

A wise word says the tongue is set on fire with hurtful and obscene words. One of the best ways to quench that fire is to instead focus on using the tongue to build up and encourage others. Practice praise, and your children will follow.

Have you had trouble with your kids cursing? What did you tell them?

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