Several months ago, my husband and I had a blow-up fight. It was one for the ages—anger, tears, raised voices, hurt feelings. You name it, we covered it. And we were at an impasse, neither of us willing to apologize or change our opinion. I was silently praying, trying to figure out a way to solve our problem.
In a moment of desperation (or perhaps inspiration?) I had an idea. Hesitantly, I offered the idea to my husband, feeling a little silly about it. It was a 30-day experiment. Here’s what we did.
I told him I’d like to commit to praying together every day for a month. No excuses. He accepted, and that night we held hands, shared our requests, and prayed. You may be thinking, “There’s no way my husband and I could do that. Praying together in a relationship is too awkward!” And you know what? It is awkward—at first. But even you can do this, by taking these 6 steps.
1. Make a list.
Share requests, praises, goals, anything you want to pray for. Writing it down will make it less likely that you’ll fumble for or stumble over your words once you’re praying. Your list will grow more intimate as praying together becomes a habit for the two of you.
2. Find uninterrupted time.
Create a time of day to pray together when you won’t be interrupted. For us, we pray once the kids are in bed. Make sure you also put away phones, computers, pets—anything that may distract you.
3. Hold hands.
You might not feel comfortable talking to God in front of your husband, but you most likely are comfortable holding his hand. So, hold it. That way, even if one of the things you’re doing feels awkward, another of them doesn’t.
4. Laugh out loud!
You might be so uncomfortable with this that you start to giggle. Roll with it. God doesn’t care if you crack up, and laughter is contagious. What started as an awkward moment might become a hilarious memory you cherish (and the laughter just might distract you from the awkwardness long enough for you to stop feeling it).
5. Take turns.
Switch days that each of you prays. There are days when I prefer to listen to my husband praying, and there are days when I like to be the one praying out loud. To avoid monotony, we take turns praying every other day.
6. Keep it simple.
Praying together in a relationship is not the time to show off your vocabulary or knowledge of theological terms. Think of this as a time when just you and your spouse are having a conversation with God. Prayer should not be intimidating, so keep it simple and honest. You could even use our printable 10 Ways to Pray for Your Marriage to help spur ideas.
I’m happy to say we prayed together every single day for a month. During the course of that month of prayer, we were kinder to each other. We were more forgiving and less critical. And we were more united as a team for each other and our kids. That doesn’t mean we didn’t make mistakes or do things that hurt the other. We’re not perfect, but we’re doing our best. And praying together absolutely makes a difference.
What else can we do to get past the awkwardness of praying together in a relationship?
