My Husband Cheated


my husband cheated

My husband cheated. “What? That’s not funny…wait…” Those were the first words I uttered when my husband confessed his unfaithfulness. I refused to believe it was real because MY husband would never do something like that! But he did. In a moment of weakness and nearly 48 hours of sleeplessness, the enemy tempted and he succumbed to sin. When I realized he spoke the truth, shock set in, and I did the first thing that came to my mind… I ran away. I quickly grabbed my stuff and sped away, desperate for a place to be alone. I wept unbelieving tears and wanted to curl up and die. It hurt so much, so deeply, so badly.

Sure, I can tell you everything my husband did wrong, but I won’t. I can, however, tell you what has helped us move past the initial pain and betrayal and making our marriage worth fighting for.

1.  Confession and Repentance.

Within hours of my husband unfaithfulness, he came to me and told me what he had done and then wept bitter tears, clinging to me. I was blessed because I didn’t hear it second-hand or read it in a text or email, but it STILL hurt. However, without confession and repentance, the path to restoration is nearly impossible. If you haven’t had this type of healing yet, I am so sorry. And when you’re ready, here are 5 ways to forgive your husband when it’s hard. 

2. Counseling and Accountability.

My husband sought help from a close friend who is also a Christian counselor—of his own accord. We both go to counseling now. I go to make sure I am NOT continuing to blame myself and learn to trust him again. He goes to seek the root causes of his struggles. He also has a great accountability partner and their times together are encouraging, prayerful, and pressing on towards the goal set before him… not wallowing in self-pity and defeat. Here’s an iMOM post on 3 things you can do to help your marriage heal.

3. Safeguards.

My husband learned about Covenant Eyes and, within days, bought the filter for all his electronic devices. This filter/app is amazing because it lets both me and his accountability partner know every website visited, every app used, and how much time is spent on each app or surfing the web. It has greatly helped me relax and is building back the trust between us.

4. Patience.

At the point that I am writing this, it’s been less than three months, and I’m still struggling. We both must have patience with each other and ourselves. My behavior towards my husband changed rather quickly. My need to overly control everything right now is a defense mechanism. My curt responses and quick withdrawals from his touch both come from a wounded heart. My continual thoughts blaming myself for not being intimate enough or pretty enough are natural, but still lies. Patience is desperately needed every day. {Tweet This} I also am trying to find hope from couples who have stayed together after marriage catastrophes.

When the hurt surfaces and it’s tough to breathe, when I want to retaliate, I return to my wedding vows. We promised God and ourselves to stay with each other, through our “for worse” and this feels like the worst. I love my husband and forgive him, but God has to do it through me every day until we are fully healed. What words of encouragement can you offer other women like me?

Comments


  • Cee

    I have been there and I am so sorry that you two have to experience what you are going through. A year and some change later I still feel some pain, but I will admit it gets better.I would say first love you.What I mean by that is if you love you then from this point on you are to treat him with the love you give yourself and he is to do the same.I know that my situation was devastating because it felt like he did not love me.Nope, it ment he did not love him because you two together are one and if you choose to stay then love hard and be open and honest about things that you’re comfortable with and the things that you’re not. Understand that it is work to repair the damage but it can be done. Thank you some much for this article, you are right on point!

  • GodEnabled

    I applaud the two of you for working through it with God’s strength and guidance. I praise God that hearts were open to healing and correcting the situatuion. I cannot share a similar story because my husband turned his back on God and refused Christian counseling, or to give up the other woman. Praise God for the encouragement of your success story!

  • Tavara

    I disagree with forgiveness on this topic. I believe infidelity (sexual immorality) is the one unforgivable act within marriage. ”
    “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” -Matthew 5:31-32 ESV

    • Candice Butner

      We must forgive those who hurt us, for peace within ourselves and to provide peace for those that hurt us. Remember, Matthew 6:14. It may not come right away, it make take time, a lot of time, but eventually we HAVE to forgive others. God forgave us even when we aren’t worthy and that is something I always have to remember. Even when an act like this seems unforgivable.

    • Melissa

      That verse says divorce is *acceptable* on the grounds of sexual immorality, but no where does it say that it is an unforgiveable act. There are no unforgiveable acts aside from blasphemy. If the offending partner has repented and is taking steps to walk in purity, God’s Word is clear that He wants us to forgive and He wants marriages to thrive. If the offending partner refuses to repent, it may be time for separate or divorce in that case. However, we are still called to forgive. Always, always forgive.

  • Melissa

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. Thanks for being so open because it has to be even more difficult with social media. Prayers that you get through this difficult time as smoothly as you can.

  • Yvette

    I have been through this. Trust God and work on you. The only way to make it is forgiveness, good support system, counseling, all of the things that you have mention in this iMom. You are on the right track. Just remember that everything that you go through is never for you, it is always for someone else. It has been over a year now and my husband and I are doing good. God has opened so many doors for us with other couples and I can now say that being able to share our testimony has been a blessing. We still have to work on our marriage everyday, but through counseling we learned how to do that. We want to leave a legacy of marriage for our children. Thanks for sharing your story and our prayers are with you.

  • Jill

    God Is faithful and able to do more than we ask or imagine. I, like you, would have never thought my huband would fall in this area….I thought we had a great marriage. But NONE of us is exempt from temptation…especially when we are not connected to God. Praise God that my husband sought my forgiveness and has chosen to work on his relationship with the Lord. Through much prayer together, seperately and counseling we have a better marriage than ever. I wondered if the stabbing pain would ever end….and at odd moments like losing someone you love the pain can rise up for a moment….but most days are no longer marked by the pain of betrayal. It has been 2.5 years since I found out and almost five since the affair. Through struggles our relationship has grown together and more importantly our relationships with the Lord have deepened beyond what I imagined. God will take what Satan uses for evil and turn it for good….but it takes prayer, walking thru the pain and making the choice daily to forgive as Jesus forgave me. Honoring the Lord and my wedding vows and leaving a strong legacy for our children(they do not know about the infidelity) was what propelled me through the hard times. I am so thankful that my husband saw the terrible mistake he made and wanted to re commit. For those whose situation is different I am sorry, and do believe scripture allows divorce in this situaion. However , where a marriage can be saved I believe that is always the BEST option no matter how hard working thru the pain. Trust that God can give you a BETTER and CLOSER marriage than ever….we are living proof.

  • EAMJU

    I have been through this and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. For the poster who believes it is unforgivable – it isn’t for you to decide for another. This couple sounds like they are working hard together to get past this. We tried for years, but were unable to overcome it. We were very young and didn’t handle the situation well. I wish you well. Do the best you can for yourself and your relationship. And have faith.

  • AQ

    I have been there and it has been 3.5 years since my husband’s confession. I was so mad at him and then so hurt and then so lost. There is nothing that can even describe the pain of betrayal of a spouse. Sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breathe and other times I felt like a tiny snowflake in a toy snow globe that someone else was constantly shaking! But, I can say that the author’s suggestions above are all important to healing. One other thing that my husband and I got involved in after his confession was CELEBRATE RECOVERY. This program is available across the U.S. and even internationally. It has changed me and my husband’s lives. We are not the same people and have grown closer to God and learned about ourselves in the process. It is worth it- people can change.

  • Ashlea Lance

    What an inspiring story. I feel your pain. There’s nothing like it in the world. I liked how your husband put up safeguards. I’d like info on the app/filter he uses. Thanks

  • mm

    So today’s the first day, hate to take you all back to that first day. That moment when it clicks that those texts are not your usual conversation bubbles. Obviously cliches like, never thought it would happen to me, bla blah. Im feeling a little void, empty. Was crazy angry this morning. Couldnt breathe. Shaking. Somehow i pulled myself together and told myself I need to give myself 24 hours to decide who to talk to and what to do. No reaction for 24 hours. I dont count this as a reaction. Just penning my thoughts because Ive told no one yet. I even texted him while at work since. Had a super nice conversation. I was my sweetest. He has other addicitions. This is just an expression of one of them. He hasnt cheated yet. But that conversation sure counts. And he intends on it ‘if only it were easier’. Wow. So angry right now. Somehow I had the clarity of mind at 5am to take out my prayer book and call upon the strength of Gd to help me through this because I feel like any move right now will result in tragedy. I am not detached enough to know what to do. I just wanted to share the first hours of world-crashing-down-around- you, heart-exploding-in-your-chest moments that tell you youve just turned the page on a new chapter in your life, and a new title: “Cheated On”.

    • Candice Butner

      I am praying for you mm. Praying that you will find strength during this trial and clarity in moving forward. Praying for peace for you and your family <3

    • BJ_Foster

      Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry. I think you’re wise to think before acting and talking. Being careful about the people you talk to is a good idea. Talking to the wrong people can lead to disaster. Prayed for you to continue to make strong and healthy moves, for the difficult conversations to be had, for him to be freed from his addictions, and for the long and painful road to healing ahead.

  • Michelle

    I went through this. My ex had many vices that lead him down the wrong path. I wanted us to work things out but he was unwilling to talk, share or make changes. After waiting over a year and a half, we divorced. Now that we are divorced he is making changes in his life. Positive changes that seem to be good. He has even expressed a desire to reconcile. He seems sincere but I am untrusting. My heart wants to get back together but my head remembers her and the things he did like letting us get divorced and seeing her after the divorce. With those thoughts I pull away.

  • Tania

    I caught my husband texting his Secretary at work things that I did not appreciate and now makes me wonder if He is cheating. His cell phone is always with him and He won’t allow me to tough it and He has a pin lock on his phone so I can’t access it. I told a friend about it and She introduced me to Ranshi Panti who finally helped me through by breaking into his phone and I was able to discover a lot of secrets. I am grateful to Mr Ranshi Panti and I am happy to recommend him to any of you that is passing through the same thing I just survived. Email him on [email protected] and let him know that Tania Hofmann gave you his contact, He will be able to listen to you and assist you with everything you need. This is my testimony and I hope you do the same soon. Ranshi Panti, [email protected]

  • Terry Derreck

    Perhaps you want to ascertain or find out if your partner is either cheating on or playing a fast one on you, do not just sit and watch. Rather, contact a professional hacker today for genuine proof and concrete evidences (call recording, sms/whatsapp hack, GPS location tracking, multimedia hack etc). [email protected]

  • The Nelson’s Family

    Am from Cyprus, i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my boyfriend after breakup, i and my boyfriend have been together for the past 3 years, recently his behaviour and character towards me changed and i later found out that he had another girlfriend who he was talking to on facebook, when i confronted him it led to quarreling which eventually led to breakup, i was emotionally down, i did all i could to get him back but all to no avail until i saw a post on a relationship forum about a spell caster who help people get back their lost loves, re-unite broken relationship and marriages at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell caster via email, he helped me cast a re-union spell and my boyfriend came to me apologizing for all his misdeed, we are happily together again. Contact this great spell caster for your marriage or relationship problems via this email [email protected] hotmail com

  • Nielsen02

    I testified to the great work of codelord and i had to let you all know about him . He has come through twice now for some private hack jobs , if you need any hack job done .. count him as one of the best to carry out the job . Contact him on [email protected] to share your testimony too

  • Mary Lalley

    Hello everyone! I had seen so many recommendations on [email protected], so I contacted him to help me spy on my spouse cell phone. He was really efficient and now I have access to everything including phone calls, and and I get to see all this from my phone without him knowing.
    Tell him Dory referred you for his services, he’d help.
    Contact: [email protected]

  • Ashley Mack

    i was frustrated and depressed when i noticed my spouse was cheating on me and there was nothing i could do about it, one day i saw an ad by this hacker and decided to contact him we got to talking and he has been helping me ever since; hacking into phones and intercepting text messages, getting mail passwords,registry hacks e.t.c. right now i am in the final stages of my divorce getting what i deserve all thanks to ryan. you should contact him if you have any hacking related issues
    contact: [email protected] or text +1-224-757-4631

  • Micheal Derick

    Hire a reliable hacker for custom hack services; Do contact: [email protected] or text: +14843905131. Clear your doubts, thank me later…
    I really do hope it helps.

  • JULIET

    I also have a case of my husband cheating on me i contacted several hackers so i could nail him because he lies so much and doesnt let me anywhere near his laptop and phones and he uses a very complicated password..during my hack search [email protected] contacted me saying he saw my searches since he was affiliated with search engines at first i doubted not until he sent me the tool he would use so i trusted and paid him, he coinnected my husbands phone to the tool and i could see everything from on there without stress i just had to monitor the tool and i as able to sort out evidences and i went for the confrontation. I am posting this because i know there are several women out ther wanting the same thing and they cannot get it they end up with scammers asking for ridiculous amount of money and not getting the job done. Please tell him Juliet Anderson referred you so i can get my next job discount. Regards/

  • Robert Cavali

    Well catching someone who is cheating had not become easier than it is in this generation of script and coding where one can remotely access cellphones and it’s contents, emails, web accounts e.t.c I caught my ex wife employing the services of blackrazor who accessed her phones emails and other records.
    Contact blackrazor(a)protonmailcom