There is no shortage of co-parenting tips thrown at you after divorce. Your friends, your family, the internet, your kids’ crossing guard—everyone wants to put in two cents on how to make it work. Some of those cents are bad. Very, very bad. Anything that involves doubting my ex-husband’s love for my kids or sabotaging his time with them obviously gets a big thumbs down.
When getting co-parenting tips, I haven’t found much in the way of what to do with my time that can help the relationship. By that I mean: What am I doing when I’m with my kids that can positively affect the co-parenting experience? Then I heard a crazy story and took away a co-parenting tip that doesn’t involve your ex.
Here’s the back story.
Heinrich Schliemann was a German businessman and archaeologist. He was really into Homer (the poet, not the Simpson). In the 1870s, Schliemann set his archaeological sights on the area of Turkey believed to be Troy in The Iliad. Archaeology looked a little different in the mid-19th century, and Schliemann was a bit reckless. Those two factors led to nine levels of remains being excavated with dynamite. Like, kablooey.
So get this: Schliemann found jewels that he believed once belonged to Helen of Troy. But further research revealed that these jewels were 1,000 years older than the time described in The Iliad. In archaeology, “older” means “deeper in the ground.” So the actual Troy would’ve been in the levels above the ones where he found the jewels. Yes, he went all Wile E. Coyote on the artifacts he was searching for.
This guy literally blew up the good stuff to get to what he thought was the treasure.
Sound familiar?
Believe me. I get it. When you only have your kids for 50 percent of the holidays and weekends, you want to get to the good stuff. And there’s pressure to make memories while you’re together. But are you so focused on the memorable and magical that you’ve blasted your way through the actual treasure?
I know I have rushed my kids out the door, yelling at them about their shoes so we can get to Disney World (we live in Central Florida) right when the gates open. Um, hello! We’ve got to make it onto that Star Wars ride before the line is as long as Star Wars itself! But in rushing them out the door, I passed on letting my 6-year-old climb in bed with me to cuddle and my 8-year-old’s attempt at making me breakfast in bed (an apple on a cookie sheet).
Release yourself from the pressure to compete with your kids' dad. Click To TweetSo what’s the co-parenting tip?
Release yourself from the pressure to compete with your kids’ dad. Don’t believe the lie that the photo-worthy moments are what make up a happy childhood. You’ll be a better co-parent when you let the joys of daily life with your children replace feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
There is so much pressure to do and be all the things for our kids, especially when you factor in the “competition” of co-parenting. Yes, even the healthiest co-parents have insecure moments. So next time you feel pressure to unearth the treasure of a magical moment, think of Heinrich Schliemann. Put down the dynamite and remember that moment is within reach right now.
What co-parenting tips have been helpful for you and your ex-husband?
