Overcoming the Feeling That You’re Failing as a Mom

failing as a mom

Do you ever feel like you have an invisible scale inside your mind? On one side are the successes with your kids; on the other side are the worries and challenges. When that side starts to tip, it can make us mamas feel super-unbalanced and worried. We can even start to feel like we’re failing as a mom.

Recently, I felt the scale tipping heavily as I thought about the challenges in my kids’ lives. Lysa Terkhuerst says, “As moms, we see a problem in our child, and we draw a straight line to ourselves.” But here’s why we should stop doing that.

1. Our children are complex individuals.

Created with unique personalities, they have their own will, feelings, and reactions which, by the way, can be very different from our own. So when you are perplexed because you didn’t see that response coming, pause and remember:

He is his own person. She is her own person.

We feel this huge responsibility to shape and mold our kids from birth through their young adulthood, and while that is a noble and necessary pursuit, we become obsessed with creating these perfect little people. Meanwhile, we forget that God has created them, and they are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” according to Psalm 139:14. And while we make mistakes, God doesn’t. So we can rest in that fact as we surrender the shaping of our kids to Him.

2. Kids grow from the challenges they face.

Our kids can learn and grow immensely through their challenges. While difficult in the moment, things that happen to them can be part of their journey and used for good later in life. What if this current challenge is part of their character development? Would you want to take that away from them? Of course not. Let God develop their character muscles as you stand by and support them.

Aside from character development, let’s keep in mind that all people face challenges throughout their entire lives. If we allow our kids to learn to navigate challenges now, they will be much more equipped to handle challenges as adults.

So for now, in the midst of the storm, with the scale tipping precariously to one side, how can we moms find peace?

It’s tough, but I personally find peace in remembering that God loves my child even more than I do and that He is only asking me to do what I can at the moment and leave the rest up to Him. I pray about it, surrender it to God, and ask for His guidance. And then I let it go. Sometimes this means doing it multiple times a day—and that’s okay.

How do you find peace when you feel like you’re failing as a mom?