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Parents Who Lie Have Kids Who Lie

Most parents would agree that lying is a significant problem in our society. How can we raise honest kids? It seems that telling your children to be honest is less effective than consistently modeling honesty.

Kids Lie. Period.

Think your baby never fudges the truth? It’s highly unlikely. Psychologists say that most children start lying as young as age 2 or 3. So for the vast majority of parents, the question is not “Does my child lie?” but “How aware am I of my child’s lying and what am I doing to discourage it?”

Multiple studies in the past five years have reached the same conclusion: children learn how to lie, and come to see it as an acceptable part of life, by watching their parents. Some examples might include:

Telling the telemarketer that you’re not at home, when you’re actually on the phone.
Writing a note to the school saying your child was sick so that he could be excused to go on a vacation.
Gushing that you love a gift that you don’t care for at all.

What to Do?

1. Teach truthful graciousness. In social situations where the truth might seem impolite, cultivate the skill of saying something kind that is the truth in place of the white lie. When receiving the horrible gift, say, “Thank you so much. This is so thoughtful!” rather than lying about liking the item received.

2. Be honest. All the time. No matter how inconvenient, drop the habit of straight-up lying. No excuses. You can do it!

3. Talk about it. Follow up your consistent modeling of honesty with talking to your child about why it’s important.

4. Raise the bar. Require the same of your child using tips from 6 Ways to Keep Your Kids Honest. Anticipate the situations where they may be especially tempted to lie. Help them to decide ahead of time to be truthful and how to do it.

5. Create consequences. When your kids lie, enforce consequences. Of course, the consequences for a truly deceptive lie would be different than that for one told in an effort to be polite. But both should be addressed.

You may never totally eradicate the little white lies from the lives of your children, or even from your own. But by raising the honesty bar to a level that says that all lies are a bad idea, you help your child to be completely honest far more often.

Source: New York News and Politics: Learning to Lie

ASK YOUR CHILD...

Did you ever tell a lie that you felt bad about later? What did you do about it?

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