The Birds and Bees Talk Moms Need to Have with Their Sons


the birds and the bees

When it comes time for your son to get the birds and the bees talk, it’s easy to let your husband take the lead if you’re married. But even if he gives the initial overview, you’ll also need to share the mom/woman version of the birds and the bees talk with your son.

Yes, it can be awkward. And believe me, even if you feel totally comfortable talking about sex with your son, be prepared for him to give you a look of extreme mortification, followed by pronouncements that “you’re weird” and “why do we have to talk about this stuff?” No matter. Keep on talking.

Here is the birds and the bees talk moms need to have with their sons.

First, if you’d rather not cover all of these points in one conversation, that’s okay. You can take a more informal approach and bring up the points over time. Or, if you want to have an official talk, try to keep it as loose as possible — a long car ride is a good option, or while you’re watching TV together.

Desire is normal.

Tell your son that it’s normal to want to have sex. Explain to him that the human body and mind were designed to desire sex and that his hormones related to sexuality will become more prevalent during adolescent years, causing him to have more sexual thoughts and physical reactions regarding sex.

This is your opportunity to remove the guilt some boys have about sexual thoughts and nocturnal emissions, more commonly known as wet dreams. If your husband has already covered this specific, you can skip it.

Morals matter.

Present your views on sex to your son in the context of your family’s moral beliefs. Even though boys don’t have the brain development to understand the long-term implications of their choices regarding sex, giving them a moral framework for making these decisions will still help guide them in their choices.

Risks beyond pregnancy.

Your son needs to know that while pregnancy is a real risk of sex, there are many, many others. In the physical realm, those include sexually transmitted diseases.

Oral sex is still sex.

Address the topic of oral sex by telling your son about the physical risks associated with it. Then circle back to your family’s moral framework. Sexual choices go beyond just the act of intercourse. Help your son see that choosing to engage in oral sex is opening the door to intimacy with a girl that carries much of the emotional attachment and relationship obligations that come with full intercourse. Broaden the concept of having your child avoid the mechanics of sex and circle back to the emotional and moral aspects of the why’s behind the why-not-have-sex argument.

How to say no.

Pressure to have sex can come from the girl he’s interacting with or the buddies who are making fun of him for being a virgin. Ask your son what he will do if he finds himself in situations where he feels pressured to have sex.

The truth about porn. Pornography can lead our sons down a very dark path. {Tweet This} When you talk to your son about pornography, try to do so without guilt-tripping him, in case he’s already seen it. “Son, I want you to know that if you come across pornography accidentally online, I will not be angry at you. I’m actually angry at the people who choose to make it available. But, if you do see it, click away from it as quickly as you can. Pornography can lead you to a very dark place, a place you don’t want to go.”

You can also help your son understand that pornography depicts sex and women in an artificial way. In the same way that the WWE isn’t really true wrestling, pornography isn’t really what sex is about.

If you’re still not sure how much you should encourage your child to wait on having sex, here are three good reasons. 

Have you had the birds and bees talk with your son yet? How did it go?

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