Search
Close this search box.

Share what kind of mom you are!

Get to know other mom types!

3 Tough Questions Kids Ask After a Divorce

I can still remember seeing my little cousins sitting on the front steps outside their house, their chins in their hands with tearful eyes. “Our mom and dad are getting a divorce,” the older one said. “Yeah,” said the little one. “They’re not going to live together anymore.” Even though I was only 15 at the time, I understood how much their lives were going to change and how hard it would be for them to understand what was going on.

Kids and divorce are difficult to combine. My cousins had lots of questions about what would happen to them and what their new life would be like. They asked odd things like if the family could get one big house and whether they’d have to move their beds back and forth. But there are a few more complicated questions that most kids think about, if not actually ask out loud. Here are three of the toughest questions moms face after a divorce—and how you can answer them.

1. “Why did you get divorced?”

Consider your child’s age before you answer. Unless your kids are older teens, they don’t need to know the dark details. Even answers to teens should be handled delicately. Next, acknowledge your child’s feelings: “I know it makes you sad that dad and I are divorced.” Finally, you’ll want to tell your child something like this: “The issues that led to our divorce are grown-up matters. Even though dad and I aren’t married anymore, we will always love you.”

Your child might also ask whose fault the divorce was. Again, say it was a decision based on adult concerns. Make it clear to your child that he or she had nothing to do with it and was in no way the cause of it. As tempting as it may be, don’t disparage your ex in any way. He’s still Dad to your child.

2. “Will you ever get back together?”

Even if there is a remote possibility you might get back together, don’t give your child any hope that could turn out to be false. Tell your child that you and his or her dad are moving forward unmarried and that your main priority is to be a good mother. Use these three tips for how to raise children well between two homes.

There are differing opinions on whether ex-spouses who can handle being together should spend time together with the kids, say on holidays or special events. Some say it gives the child false hope for reunification. If that’s you and you notice your child is sad after get-togethers or has more questions about reconciliation, it might be better to do things separately.

3. “Why didn’t God answer my prayers to keep you and Dad together?”

This is a really tough one. It might be something you’re wrestling with yourself. Why didn’t God answer my prayer to keep my family together? Tell your kids it’s OK to be upset, but remind them that God hears our prayers and answers each one. Assure your kids that even though God doesn’t always answer prayers the way we would want him to, he still loves us and is working in our lives.

And here are 10 more things kids of divorce wish their parents knew.

What tough questions have your kids asked about your divorce?

ASK YOUR CHILD...

If you could ask any person one question, who would it be and what would you ask?

Get daily motherhood

ideas, insight, &inspiration

to your inbox!

Search