My son came in crying hysterically and ran to his room. I followed him to find out what happened. He told me his friend shot him with nerf gun at close range twice after he told the boy to stop. I tried to talk to my son about how to handle it, but deep down I was furious. After we finished talking I went to find my husband to tell him how mad I was at our son’s friend. When my husband walked in from outside he told me our son needed to apologize. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Then he told me what had happened. Our son was laughing while he was telling his friend to “Stop,” sending a mixed message. After the second shot hit him, our son turned and threw his gun at his friend, hitting him hard in the hand. It turns out that’s why he ran in crying, he was afraid of getting in trouble.
I just assumed my son was telling me the whole story and I judged his friend for it. A wise friend of mine once told me to take my emotions out of it when it came to addressing my children’s misbehavior. She knew that moms can very easily let their love for their kids blind them to their children’s faults and end up making excuses for them. So, keep that in mind as you look over these top 3 excuses moms make for their children’s misbehavior.
1. He’s tired.
This is my go-to excuse. When my children get cranky, disrespectful, or mean, I blame it on their fatigue level. Sure, sometimes they are tired, but even then, I can’t let that fact give them a pass on watching what they say and do. Children need to know that they are responsible for their words and actions no matter how tired they are.
2. He’s not ______, he’s just _________.
We can all fill in the blanks on this one. He’s not lazy, he just doesn’t have a lot of energy in the morning. He’s not being rude, he just doesn’t know what to say. She’s not messy, she’s just been too busy to clean her room. She’s not disrespectful, she’s just spunky.
Oh, Mom, I can hear myself saying some of those! Yes, we want to take into account our children’s natural tendencies, but those tendencies are not valid excuses for falling short of the mark over and over again. So, if your child doesn’t have energy in the morning, he’ll have to take the garbage can to the curb the night before so it will be there in the morning for the garbage truck. If your child is on the shy side, he’ll have to learn conversational basics so that he is not rude to others. Do you see the remedy here? Instead of letting our kids live in the realm of excuses, we need to help them deal with their tendencies and move on.
3. It’s not her fault, it’s ______ fault.
Moms can be blind to their children’s shortcomings. When our child gets benched during the game, we don’t see our child’s wrong, we see the coach being too hard on him. When our daughter gets in trouble for turning in her paper late, we blame the teacher for giving her too much homework. When we let our children live in “it’s not my fault” land, we are hurting them for the long term. Take off those “my child is perfect” glasses, so that you can help your child become strong, independent, and responsible.
What other excuses have you used before?
