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Parenting> Training > Teaching Your Child to Earn their Privileges

We live in a culture that is all about "me, me, me." Take a stroll through the mall on any given day and you will see children whining when they can't have the latest toy or video game, while discouraged parents shrug their shoulders and give in. Hang around any retail store and it may seem like the "Give me" generation is running the show. You hear an "I want this" and the register replies with a hearty "ching."

Overindulging children instead of teaching them the value of earning what they receive is a big problem. It creates an unrealistic perception of life. Eventually our children will be adults—they will have to take care of themselves as well as their future families. If they don't learn the meaning of earning through practical and real experience as children, adulthood will hit them like a slap in the face. They will feel thrown into the proverbial pool, and might not be able to swim. Childhood, while a time of great joy and innocence, is also a time to plunk children in the shallow end, with supervision and devices to help them float, and teach them how to swim with small strokes. That way, when they get to the "deep end" of adulthood, they are strong swimmers, and able to handle turbulent waters or whatever might float their way in life.

Helping children learn the value of earning provides real life skills and gives them a deep sense of satisfaction. As humans, we are natural worker bees! We love to see the fruits of our labors, whether that is a life accomplishment like building a company or everyday tasks like finishing folding a load of laundry or baking an apple pie. We are not created to lie around slothfully. Working towards a goal and feeling pride in our efforts is what drives human action. Children who learn the value of hard work and the satisfaction that comes with completing that work and earning its reward will have a deeper sense of self-worth and capability than children who are merely given the things they desire.

However, we, as parents, should not necessarily look at desire as a bad thing. Our task is to teach our children the link between the desire to have privileges and possessions with a good work ethic.

Psychotherapist and author on child development, Dr. Eileen Gallo, reports on an eye-opening Harvard study about just how critical work ethic is in a child's life. She writes:

In a 1981 article in the American Journal of Psychiatry, George Valliant, the director of the Study, reported that the single biggest predictor of adult mental health was "the capacity to work learned in childhood"—in other words, the development of a work ethic. Men who Valliant described as "competent and industrious at age 14"—men who had developed a work ethic during the Industry Stage of development—were twice as likely to have warm relationships (both family and friendships), five times more likely to have well-paying jobs and 16 times less likely to have suffered significant unemployment.

Christine Conners, in an article for Family Housekeeping, reports that "Sociologists Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams found that school-aged children who do chores with their fathers get along better with peers and have more friends. They also found that they are less likely to disobey teachers, cause trouble at school and are happier and more outgoing."

In other words, there is a direct, positively correlative relationship between combating an attitude of entitlement in your child's youth and his or her success later in life.

Dealing with attitudes of entitlement is easy. Identify privileges and material goods your child values, and link them to some sort of quantifiable task. You can start the next time your child asks for something.

Find ways to teach them about entrepreneurship when they are young – whether it's opening their own lemonade stand, lining up babysitting jobs, or taking on a paper route – these time honored "classic" kids' jobs teach great skills and give children a sense of accomplishment when done well.

One enterprising mother I know truly understands the importance of teaching the next generation about the "value of a dollar" and how critical it is to learn business skills early in life. Linda Raasch started long ago by helping her own four kids open a pretty sophisticated lemonade stand. As Linda says on her website, BIZKIDZ.com, "This venture helped teach valuable lessons about communication with customers, promoting merchandise, and basic financial accounting. It wasn't long before all four children had learned that there was a correlation between effort and reward." Enjoying the pleasure of her own kids' success, Linda decided to start a company that allows tweens and teens to open their own "online store" and become entrepreneurs at a tender age. Lora, a twelve-year-old (and among the thousands of kids who have signed up so far), says, "After having my store on BIZKIDZ.com, I have learned that a dollar is very precious and I have learned that not everyone likes what you like so you must change your merchandise in the store often. I have also learned a lot about marketing and advertising. My mom is very involved with me. She thinks it is a great way to learn about running a business."

We all know how much fun it was to earn our first dollars as children. But if no one is there to guide and encourage us to earn honestly, spend wisely, and give to others freely, the culture of "gimme, gimme" soon takes over. But it doesn't have to be this way.

Here are a few keys to teaching the lesson of the value of earning:

• You must be consistent and true to your word. When you promise your child something, if he or she fulfills the assigned task, you must follow through. I cannot emphasize that enough! Being true to your word is key to earning your child's trust and establishing a regular pattern of work followed by just reward. Amy's parents bought her the promised doll on the day she completed the task. As adults, we know that we do not always feel the immediate fruits of our labors. But children have a short attention span, and it is very important to make the connection between work and reward as clear as possible.
• When possible, thematically link the task you give your child to the reward he or she seeks. For example, if your daughter asks for a prom dress that costs $100, tell her she can earn it by working 10 hours of community service at a center that helps underprivileged women, women who will likely never wear a prom dress. Not only will she ( 1) gain some perspective and realize what a true privilege it is to dress up in expensive clothes with friends and have fun, but she will  (2) attach a value to something she would have otherwise taken for granted. The dress becomes a reward for her fulfilling meaningful work. I guarantee you the girl who volunteers with underprivileged women to earn her shiny new dress is far less likely to take for granted the privilege of wearing it than her friends who are bought one with no effort.
• Finally, make the task straightforward and quantifiable, something with a clear beginning and a concrete conclusion. One young woman I know had to memorize 100 Bible verses before being able to get her driver's license. Both of my own sons had to earn the rank of Eagle Scout before acquiring theirs. And in the process of being rewarded with a driver's license, my sons now also hold the life-long honor that comes with being an Eagle.

That hard-earned "piece of plastic" bears a lot of responsibility—the ability to make possible life and death decisions. It is important for your children to understand the responsibility they are taking on along with the increased freedom and "coolness." Have your kids spend a year volunteering at a nearby hospital, where they will undoubtedly see the cost of reckless driving.

Used with permission from the book, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family, by Rebecca Hagelin.

Visit http://www.howtosaveyourfamily.com/  to buy Hagelin's book or to sign up for her free weekly e-newsletter.

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