What To Do When Your Marriage Has Grown Cold


struggling marriage

How can you tell if your marriage has grown cold? When your husband gets angry with you, you just take it. You say to yourself, It’s not worth fighting and I just don’t care. When you’re excited about something or upset about something, you don’t share it with your husband because you just don’t feel connected to him. When you have sex together, you’re just going through the motions. Your heart’s not into it. Not only has your marriage grown cold, it’s covered with ice.

Well, if you have a cold, struggling marriage, there’s still hope. Did you know that daffodil bulbs can not only survive being covered with ice, they’ll still bloom and exhibit a beautiful flower when the weather gets warm enough? So even if your marriage is frosty, you can chip away at the ice and bring back the warmth.

Here are 3 things you can do when your marriage has grown cold.

1. Thaw out your heart.

Sometimes our heart grows cold as a way to protect ourselves. We feel that we’ve given and given and have only received hurt in return. Or, it could be that the bitterness you feel toward your husband is easier to live with if you numb your heart with the chill of indifference. Whatever the cause of your cold heart, if you want your marriage to get better, thaw out your heart. {Tweet This} How? Move on to the next step.

2. Share your heart.

If you want to banish the cold in your marriage, you’ll need to open your heart to your husband. Let him know how you feel. Share your hurts, your dashed hopes, and your anger, share everything that’s at the bottom of the deep freeze that’s now your marriage. Of course, you’ll want to share these things in a way that doesn’t come across as an attack. We have some tips for communicating with your husband so that he’ll understand what you’re saying without getting defensive.

3. Love with all your heart.

If you’re not all in, the chill will remain. Make a decision to love your husband fully, warts and all, as the saying goes. Sure, you can keep withholding your love because you’d rather focus on what’s wrong with him, what he’s done wrong to you, what you think he’ll do wrong tomorrow or the next day, but that’s a prescription for an ice age. Take a stand for your marriage by making these choices. 

Finally, just try to love your husband. If your heart is slow to follow your choice, love him with your actions first. Act as if and let your feelings catch up. Look over our list of 99 things you might be thankful for about your husband. Find the ones that fit him and let your thankfulness fill your heart.

What tips do you have for warming up a cold marriage?

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