What You Should Never Do With Men Other Than Your Husband

can men and women be friends

I couldn’t flirt my way out of a paper bag. When the flirting genes were handed out in my family, my sister got my share!  I talk to men with more of a friend vibe or an aunt or a sister vibe. So I don’t worry too much about crossing the flirting line when I’m dealing with guys.

I do have to watch myself on over-discussing with men though. I love digging into a deep topic or something I’m passionate about. There’s no harm in that tendency, as long as I don’t venture into discussing personal issues or develop a friendship over something that only that man and I share. It’s not that I’m afraid I’m going to spiral into an affair after a few deep conversations. It’s just that I often find myself asking the question can men and women be friends.

Here are some things that women should never do with men other than their husband. {Tweet This}

Cry on their shoulder.

Vulnerability creates emotional bonds. If you open up to your guy friend about the troubles you’re having in your marriage or how you’re disappointed you didn’t get that promotion, he’s more than likely going to respond with an offer of comfort.

Make physical or sexual comments.

This includes complimenting him on his clothes, his physique, or his new haircut. Now, you’re probably a good judge of the exceptions to this “rule” — but if your words could possibly be taken as showing interest in him, they’re better left unsaid. Same goes with flirting. What’s the point of it with someone other than your husband? And, trying to get attention from men is one of the 7 risk factors for having an affair.

Contact them privately.

How would you feel if you happened upon texts or cute emails sent to your husband from a female co-worker? If you want to hide your contact with a man, that’s a danger sign. Even if you don’t feel like you need to hide your interactions; sharing jokes and back and forth dialogue could create a bond between the two of you that’s dangerous. This applies to talking to men online as well. (Here’s one mom’s story of how she fell into an online affair that almost ended her marriage.)

Spend one-on-one time with them.

There might be times when your job requires you to meet with a man one-on-one, but outside of work, male/female outings are tricky. It’s the old question raised in the movie When Harry Met Sally — can men and women be friends? There are some cases where that’s possible, but why risk it?

Share physical contact with them.

At one end of the spectrum this one is pretty obvious — should you do anything sexual? Of course not. When it comes to things like hugs, and kisses on the cheek, you’ll have to honestly assess what might be appropriate based on your relationship. But if you ever feel uncomfortable, listen to that little warning signal and pull back.

If you ever have anything else that happens with a man other than your husband that makes you feel uncomfortable, make sure you talk to your spouse about it. And it’s a good rule of thumb to tell your spouse about any interaction with the opposite sex.

Curious about the list of what men should never do with women other than their wives? See what’s on their list. 

Then tell us, what other things do you think wives shouldn’t do with men other than their husband?


  • Lindsey

    I read this with teary eyes. I am married, 12 years with two children. I noticed since 2014 (could have been earlier but i don’t know) that communication with my husband is dead but he is having very animated conversations with other ladies. I didn’t quite keep track of the goings on, hoping that something will change. Last year, the trend was still on but this time with a different womam. when i asked him, he said that he can delete and keep the messages he wants to. I only get to see these messages if he comes home very drunk, so before he wakes up and deletes all of them., This has really shattered my life because i don’t have feelings for him and i don’t even know what is going on in his life anymore. I am not too sure anymore how to bring up this conversations because his telegram now has a password which i suspect is where he is now chatting. GOD HELP ME.

    • Stacey Elaine

      God is bigger- you can overcome this. Praying God speaks to your husband and his heart as well as yours. maybe do the book “the love dare”- it can improve, your in the winter part of marriage- don’t give up. Praying for you sister- God has a beautiful plan- don’t doubt it.


      Lindsey, there is power in prayer. No doubt about it. That being said, you are enduring a deplorable situation and behavior which is unacceptable. Seek a godly counselor to talk to at church. You need to be built up to know your true value in Christ. This situation will likely not improve if you continue to allow it. As impossible as it may seem, you will need to have a time of separation so that he can understand you will not endure his behavior anymore. And certainly, if you are in danger or you think you could be, get out. Don’t wait.
      Focus on the Family is a wonderful resource for marital help. I urge you to call them 1-855-771-HELP (4357).
      Never stop praying because God still works miracles in marriages every day. We have to use our feet and walk through the storm, knowing without a doubt that God will guide and protect us. God be with you, sweet sister in Christ.

      • Susan Esters

        This is excellent advice, Lindsey. Don’t lose hope in your marriage – but don’t lose yourself either. Slow down, take a deep breath, immerse yourself in God’s wisdom and listen for His guidance and wisdom. God is sovereign and can deal with your situation. You just have to let Him. It may be painful, but you can emerge from this stronger than ever.

    • Jazmin

      Hi Lindsey, I am not married but hope to be one day. Your story breaks my heart. I will be praying for you and for your husband.

      For only a penny you can buy two sparrows, yet not one sparrow falls to the ground without your Father’s consent. As for you, even the hairs of your head have all been counted. — Matthew 10:29-30

      I cried out to you, Lord.
      I begged my Lord for mercy:
      “What is to be gained by my spilled blood,
      by my going down into the pit?
      Does dust thank you?
      Does it proclaim your faithfulness?
      Lord, listen and have mercy on me!
      Lord, be my helper!”
      You changed my mourning into dancing.
      You took off my funeral clothes
      and dressed me up in joy
      so that my whole being
      might sing praises to you and never stop.
      Lord, my God, I will give thanks to you forever. — Psalm 30:8-12