Seven has always been a number that brought joy and completion for our family. I ran a small family business for seven years. We were members of the first church plant we had the opportunity to be a part of in Tampa for seven years. I had my first baby after struggling with infertility for seven years. It’s always seemed that seven years is the amount of time that marks the end of a good season or the beginning of something new and exciting—until now.
This Father’s Day will mark the seventh one I’ll celebrate without my dad here on earth. I can’t believe I haven’t seen his face in seven years. Maybe for you, Father’s Day hurts because you miss your dad, too. Or maybe it’s because your kids’ father isn’t with you anymore. Maybe your kids are away at their dad’s and you’re lonely. If Father’s Day is hard for you, just remember this.
You are free to grieve.
If you’ve lost your own father or the situation with your children’s father is not what you expected it would be, it’s OK to be unhappy about it. It’s OK to feel sad or disappointed. I read this in an Instagram post from Rebekah Lyons and it seems fitting:
“The surest thing I’ve learned about pain is you cannot escape it. You can shove it down, but it will come out sideways. It’s natural to mourn the loss of someone you’ve loved. It meant you gave your whole heart and it was worth it. So when you’re tempted to move on, don’t. You deserve all the healing God has for you when you’re ready.”
Suppressing grief isn’t going to help us along in our journeys toward healing. Make some room for your pain instead of fighting so hard to move on. For me, that looks like letting some tears flow and sharing with my daughters pictures and stories about their papa. I think that just might be the most significant thing I can do in year seven of living life without my dad here with us.
And you can still celebrate.
If ignoring Father’s Day feels like you’re ignoring the pain, there is space to celebrate other good men who are fathers in your life. Text a friend whose husband is an all-star dad and tell her to pass on the message that you see his hard work. If there is a spiritual father in your life, a man who has helped you grow and led you to deeper faith, let him know.
If you’re a single mom who does the work of a dad, take a moment to pat yourself on the back. You are incredible. You are strong. And you are loved!
What is your favorite memory that you shared with your father?
