Why You Need to Break Down Walls in Your Marriage


lonely in marriage

Many people have walls in their marriage. These emotional walls block their spouse from getting too close. They keep secrets protected and the ugly parts hidden. Walls give a sense that you are protected from anyone hurting you.

But walls also do a lot of damage in relationships. Emotional walls prevent you from experiencing love in a deeper way. {Tweet This} They keep you on the surface rather than getting deep and intimate in the way husbands and wives should emotionally. Ultimately, they make you feel lonely in marriage.

Here are 4 steps to help break down the walls in your marriage:

1. Figure out why the walls are there.

Why do you feel like you need to be protected? Is your spouse really an enemy or are you just scared of being too vulnerable?

People have walls for various reasons. Some people have been wounded in the past from abuse, betrayals, and abandonment. They use the walls to protect them from ever going through that kind of pain again.

Maybe you are trying to hide something. Maybe you don’t want anyone to see the real you because they might not like what they see. Dig deep to understand why you think you need these walls. This is the first step to tearing them down.

2. Make the relationship feel safe.

Once you have assessed if there are issues in your marriage that might contribute to the wall building, you need to start working on making it safer. Many couples need to learn better ways to communicate and healthy ways to fight fair. Here are 10 ways to fight fair in your relationship. When these issues are being worked on, a relationship can feel safer to let the walls down.

3. Let the wall down a little at a time to build trust.

No one is asking you to take a wrecking ball to your walls. It would be more tolerable to take down the wall a few bricks at a time. Allowing yourself to share little bits at a time can desensitize you and help you trust that it’s safe enough to be vulnerable and eventually let the walls down totally.

4. Experience the intimacy of having your spouse behind the walls.

In a healthy marriage, your spouse should be the one who gets to see what’s behind the walls. I describe this to my clients as feeling emotionally naked. It can be scary and uncomfortable at first; but, over time, it is a special level of intimacy that only a husband and wife should share. It is truly knowing someone and being known and still being loved in the midst of it. Don’t be alone in your marriage any longer.

So, ladies, it’s time to start tearing down the walls and get real with our husbands. The connection that is waiting on the other side can be amazing!

What keeps you from letting your walls down?

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