4 Tips to Teach Your Son to Handle Aggressive Girls

aggressive girls

There was a time when it was assumed—rightly or wrongly—that teen boys were the ones who tried to push the envelope in their physical relationships with girls, and that it was the role of “good girls” to hold off those advances. But gender roles have changed a great deal in just a generation or two, and it seems to be spilling over into the romantic lives of adolescents.

Moms of boys report that they’re often shocked by the aggressiveness they see in girls who pursue their sons. The sons who will talk about such things also report that many times, these same girls are the ones who want to go farther faster in the physical aspect of the relationship. So how can a mother prepare her son to stay true to his own values and keep pushy girls in their place? It starts with understanding that the world he’s living and dating in isn’t the same as the one you grew up in. Learn how you can help your son stay pure in a world of aggressive girls.

1. Make your family values related to sex and relationships clear.

It’s far too easy to be embarrassed about sex, even as an adult, and just avoid those types of conversations with your kids. Guess who isn’t afraid to talk about it? The rest of the world. So if you don’t speak up and talk plainly with your son about the importance of sexual self-control, you’re entrusting the entire narrative to others. Speak openly about the moral, spiritual and practical need for self-control where sex is concerned and ask your son to decide in advance—before he starts to date—to uphold those values.

2. Don’t push him into romantic relationships any earlier than necessary.

Some parents revel in the cuteness of that first girlfriend, the Valentine flowers, the middle school dates. But sexual exploration is a progressive thing. If your child begins holding hands with girls at 12, he’ll be more likely to move to the next level, and the next, in short order. Whether it’s his idea or that of an assertive and curious girl, beginning romantic physical contact early lessens the chance that he’ll be able to maintain his purity for marriage. Slow down and give him a fighting chance.

3. Encourage him to have a chivalrous attitude about protecting himself and his girlfriend from bad decisions.

This is a great conversation for dads to have with their sons. Even in our more gender equal world, there’s something to be said for a man who feels a responsibility to protect the women he cares for. Whether it’s his mother, his sister, or a girlfriend, he can be a leader and a protector. In his dating life, impress on your son that he may be the last line of defense between a young woman and a decision they’ll both regret.

4. Teach him how to appreciate classy girls.

It’s easy to see how a teenage boy can be so flattered by the advances of a pushy girl that he fails to see what her relationship style says about her. If he has a sister, ask him how he would feel about it if she pursued boys with the same level of assertiveness, and how he thinks that would look. Teach your son to appreciate the modesty and mystery of classy girls who don’t just put it all out there.


Tell us! Does your son deal with girls who are more aggressive in the romance department? How do you prepare him to deal with those advances?


  • Jennifer Cooper

    LOVE this! I keep saying to people, “It’s not about shaming, it’s about encouraging, and expecting, dignity.”

  • ER

    I love this too! Great thoughts that I am going to post on our bathroom mirror for me and my husband. I need advice though…our oldest son is 9.5 . We have been having conversation already about girls, dating, feelings and the such in an open but very light level. It is overwhelming to him, he says. He loves Jesus very much. He wants to do the right thing and he is very impressionable and can be influenced easily, he is also a pleaser in many ways because he sees it as “service” like Jesus. However, he goes over the top at times where others takes advantage of him. He is also very cute, funny and the girls love him NOW. We actually do much of what was suggested in this iMom. Yay! So, when He comes home and tells me things that he is hearing or experiencing on the playground. We talk through them. Last night, we You Tube’d a beautiful Christian song and believe it or not an ad popped up to the side that talked about “Girls going Wild and Showing Their Boobs” Unfortunately, I didn’t see it as I was so focused on the song and lyrics being played. We don’t have TV or Cable or even let the kids explore the internet on their own. We monitor very carefully and allow only as we feel he/they are able to understand for their young minds and spirit. We have open conversation with them about how we want to protect them at this age and will slowly walk with them through their young life allowing exposure as they grow but with us there until they can show they can make the best Godly decisions that without us. So, back to the ad, He asked me to talk in private so we did. He was shocked to read it and to felt it was inappropriate. Even more, he was confused why he would see such an ad while exploring a Christian song. Our conversation led to my feeling to begin/open a conversation about pornography and/or pictures of girls that are exposed inappropriately. Many of his friends have freedom to the internet, which poses the possibility of seeing such pictures on sleepovers. We can’t be with him always. My one question, after saying all this is, is he too young to start talking to him about pornography? I did open up the concept just a little but didn’t say the word. Just said that there is something out there that Satin uses to lead people, especially boys and men, away from wives, families, work, life. It is like taking a drug they can’t stop. It is something that is very disrespectful toward girls/woman and I also shared that unfortunately, the girls/women in these pictures allow themselves to be disrespected. I shared more that he will experience girls that will tell him that they will do things with or for him physically so he will like them. We talked about temptation and how it will always be in his life. We talked about honoring and treating girls/woman with respect, to protect and honor them. To look at them like a gift. That is how God wants it in a marriage. I shared that we will be teaching him and talking to him soon about this ugly thing but not now. I bought myself some time because I am wondering if this is the time. We pray for our boys to grow up Godly Christian men. Help!! Your thoughts?

    • Gabby

      My boys are older now and to put it shortly I told them how I feel as a woman seeing these images. Their father shows them a good role model and always turns his head during over sexualized commercials. So now that they are older they do too and they are open about discussing these subjects with me. My oldest wants to finish college and is just entering high school. The past few years he’s had many girls ask him out and he nicely declines and explains he’s not interested in any relationships he’s too young. I started openly discussing these topics as young as 1st and 2 nd grade because like you said others have the Internet and will explain what they have seen regardless if you shelter your child.

      • METSFAN

        These girls should be taught to not chase men.

  • Rsnyder

    I realize this is from two years ago, but the email link was just sent out.

    I find the timing of this strange, with all the news about sexual harassment and attacks on women coming to light.

    • RPofP

      We’ve heard much more from women, but, in fact, men and women are on record as having been harrassed and assaulted. I know men who have actively sought to leave a workplace due due harrassment and distasteful overtures and language. I know of others who suffer, to keep a family intact, under the abusive treatment of a wife or the mother of their children. If you believe that abuse or aggression are an exclusively man’s domain, I ( a woman) strongly encourage you to look further. The “look” of it may be different, but aggressive and even abusive behaviors are perpetrated both ways. I’ve witnessed it with family, family of friends, coworkers, and elsewhere. Our sons and daughters BOTH need to be taught that high and loving standards are GOOD and healthy.