How do we know when we’ve crossed the disrespect line? Thankfully, there is one easy barometer: Check for anger. Before I elaborate, let me ask you to consider a question. If you are in conflict with the man in your life, do you think it is legitimate to break down and cry? Most of us would probably answer yes. But let me ask another question.
In that same conflict, do you think it is legitimate for your man to get really angry? Many of us have a problem with that. We think he’s not controlling himself or he’s behaving improperly. But here’s why that isn’t the case—and what your husband wants from you more than anything.
He feels disrespected.
If a man can’t articulate his feelings in the heat of the moment, he won’t necessarily blurt out something helpful, such as, “You’re disrespecting me!” But rest assured, if he’s angry at something you’ve said and you don’t understand the cause, there is a good chance he is feeling the pain or humiliation of your disrespect. If you want confirmation of this, consider this telling response from a survey. More than 80 percent of men—that’s four out of five—said that in a conflict, they were likely to feel disrespected. Women are far more likely to say, “He doesn’t love me!”
Give Him Unconditional Respect
Just as you want the man in your life to love you unconditionally, even when you’re not particularly lovable, your man needs you to demonstrate your respect for him, regardless of whether he’s meeting your expectations at the moment.
Women often tend to want to control things, which, unfortunately, men tend to interpret as disrespect and distrust (and if we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes it is). Marriage is about putting the other person’s needs above your own (he’s required to do that, too), and it does tremendous things for your man to know you are choosing to trust and honor him.
How do you show your respect for your husband?
Shaunti Feldhahn is a bestselling author, popular public speaker, and groundbreaking researcher. This wife and mother now applies her analytical skills to illuminating those important, surprising truths that people really need to understand about each other.
