“Are you joking on mommy?” my toddler asked with a smile, taking a bite of her breakfast. My husband and I were making coffee together and sharing laughs over something I can’t even remember now. Our daughter is only three, but she knows her daddy can always make me laugh—and it tickles her to see it. Whenever we begin roaring with laughter, she dramatically throws her head back and joins in. She even asks my husband to “joke on her” next, which is her toddler speak for “make me laugh.”
It’s probably easy to rattle off the things you don’t want your kids to overhear you and your husband talking about. Whether it’s your sex life or frustrations with family members, there is plenty their little ears don’t need to hear. But have you considered there are things you should want your kids to overhear? Think about it—marriage is usually the first relationship being modeled for kids. This is why we love when our kids overhear us enjoying each other’s company. We’re modeling a healthy and fun friendship through marriage, and we hope they seek the same when they grow up. Here are 5 things we want our kids to overhear in our marriage.
1. Healthy Confrontation
If your husband hurts your feelings, you don’t have to wait until the kids have gone to bed tell him: “I want to talk about what you said to me in the car. It hurt my feelings, and I want to understand where your words are coming from.” Allowing your kids to listen in while you respectfully confront your husband is an awesome parenting tool.
It feels like allowing a child to see the two people he or she loves the most arguing would be scary, but kids who grow up with the notion that their parents never argue will grapple with an unrealistic expectation of marriage. Healthy communication is one of the most important things kids learn from your marriage!
Kids who grow up with the notion that their parents never argue will grapple with an unrealistic expectation of marriage. Click To Tweet2. Apologies
Just as we want our kids to learn what healthy confrontation looks like in a marriage, we also want them to overhear an exchange of sincere apologies when bounds are overstepped, and feelings are hurt: “I owe you an apology. I’m sorry for the harsh tone I used with you earlier.”
You especially want to model reconciliation if your child was witness to a not-so-great fight or heard hostile words spoken between you and your husband. Although you may prefer to admit your wrongdoing and apologize privately to your spouse, doing so in front of your kids will encourage them to do the same in their future relationships—and it’ll ease some of their anxiety.
3. Encouragement
Whether it’s a simple “I love you” in the morning before heading out of the house, or something as big as making a personal sacrifice to help your husband fulfill a goal of his own, do it all in front of the kids! Speaking encouraging words to your spouse not only will strengthen your marriage but also will show your kids the type of support all marriages should offer. So, grab your pom-poms and cheer on your spouse whenever you get the chance!
4. Problem Solving
Whenever my husband and I find ourselves working together, we often exchange this uber cliché and cheesy saying: “What makes the dream work? Teamwork!” It’s important for a husband and wife to work together toward the same goals—especially in the throes of parenting! A large component of successful teamwork is problem solving, and marriage and parenthood often seem like a string of problems to solve and hurdles to clear.
Don’t refrain from working through your marriage’s latest wrinkle just because the kids are around. Instead, let them overhear you and your husband brainstorming and working through the tough stuff together. And if it’s a family issue, you can even invite them in on the process!
5. Gracious Gossip
One of my dear friends makes and sells DIY cookie decorating kits for every holiday, and her sugar cookies are the best I have ever tasted. I was telling my husband this while taking a bite of one of her cookies after dinner. The next day, while eating one of the cookies, my daughter says, “Miss Lindsey’s cookies taste the best!”
Although we often use the word “gossip” negatively, not all gossip has to be bad! Let your kids hear you praising them to your husband or extending grace to a neighbor, or complimenting a coworker. Believe it or not, grace, patience, and kindness with others are all things kids can learn from your marriage!
What are some other good things kids can learn from your marriage?
