“Dinner!” I called from the kitchen. I dumped the noodles in the colander, then headed to the stairs and called again. “Dinner time! Let’s eat!” I headed back to the kitchen, expecting to hear the rush of footsteps, but no sounds came. Maybe my kids would come in a few minutes. I set the table, hung up my apron, then listened again. Nothing. I could feel my temperature rising. “Hi, honey,” my husband said, coming in through the back door. “Are we ready to eat? Where are the kids?” Frustrated, I told him they were ignoring me. Seeing me frustrated made my husband frustrated. Seconds later, we both stood yelling up the stairs to our kids.
Has this happened to you? Does it feel like your child ignores you? I realized things needed to change in our household so we could enjoy each other more and spend less time yelling to get the kids’ attention. There are 5 simple things to do when your child ignores you.
1. Make sure she hears you.
As I climbed the stairs, frustration growing with each step, I heard music playing. I tapped on the door and went inside. My kids looked up from the floor. “Didn’t you hear me call you for dinner?” I asked. Both shook their heads.
If you’re shouting from downstairs or the next room, your child might not know you’re talking to her. Being in the same room when you talk to your child always helps and often clears up any confusion.
2. Connect on his level.
“Can you fill up water glasses?” I asked my daughter as she sat reading at the table. When she didn’t respond, I walked over to her and asked again. No answer. Finally, I pulled up a chair, so my eye-level matched hers. She blinked and smiled when she saw me, as if I’d materialized out of nowhere.
If your child is intently focused on something like a video game, a book, or a conversation with someone else, she might not hear you. But if she does hear you and is choosing to ignore you, getting down on her level also ensures she gets the message.
3. Use your voice to your advantage.
If you’re at eye-level, you don’t have to yell. Sure, it takes more time to walk into another room, crouch down, and address your child, but it has its advantages. “When I say I need you to stop and pick up your toys, I need you to do what you’re told.” With an even, level voice, it conveys the message that you are in control. Keep any tone or hurtful words out of your request. A child called “lazy” or “slow” will understandably be less inclined to follow your directions.
When he does cooperate, acknowledge his good choice: “Thank you for listening!” or “You did what you were told. Well done!” Feeling like he’s done well in your eyes might encourage better listening from your child in the future.
Feeling like he’s done well in your eyes might encourage better listening from your child in the future. Click To Tweet4. Give a fair warning and follow through with consequences.
If your child hears you and purposely ignores you, he’s making a choice about his behavior. It’s time to provide a warning. For example, if your kids are ignoring you and won’t turn off the TV, say, “I’m only going to tell you one more time. If you don’t turn it off, there will be no TV for the rest of the week.” Give them a moment to comply. Then acknowledge their good choice if they do. If not, follow through with the consequence.
If your child knows ignoring you makes him lose privileges, his behavior should change. “Remember what happened last time? You lost TV for a week.” A gentle reminder might be all you need.
5. Provide a reason.
Sometimes kids are more motivated to do what you tell them—and not ignore you—if they have a reason, especially one that benefits them. “If we’re going to have time to shoot hoops after dinner, we need to get the table set now.” If your child’s eager to play, she’ll hop over to help. “Kids, you need to put your shoes on now and get ready to go. We want to be on time for church. I don’t want to stand this time.”
This strategy works well to teach kids to see the natural rewards and consequences for their actions. Hopefully, they’ll then start to make these connections on their own and making the right choice will become habit.
Last Things to Consider
Always follow up with a pediatrician if you believe there might be a hearing or attention issue. Also remember that kids grow at different rates and a younger child might still be learning your rules and what’s acceptable and what’s not. If you don’t want to be ignored, be consistent. Your child will learn with time that ignoring you isn’t acceptable.
What to do when your child ignores you also depends on a child’s age. What are good consequences for your kids at their ages?
