Late one evening, my son poured himself a mug of milk and sat down. I told him to finish up and hit the shower, but he unzipped his backpack instead. “I forgot I have science homework,” he said. Seconds later, my daughter stormed into the kitchen with tears in her eyes. “He broke my LEGO!” she cried. “He was in my room earlier, and now it’s broken!” My son scowled at her. “I did not!” he said. The tension escalated as the kids accused each other of things. “You guys need to stop fighting!” I shouted, but they didn’t notice. Yelling at my kids had no effect. They just didn’t listen. Tired and fed up, I tried something else, and within seconds, the room fell silent.
Now, instead of yelling at my kids, I’ve been working on lowering my voice. It’s not always easy! But after seeing these 3 changes, you’ll want to lower your voice more too.
1. Changes in Your Kids
In a quiet voice, I’d said to my kids that evening, “I’m not going to listen to you both right now.” I busied myself at the kitchen counter. Within seconds, the bickering stopped. “I’m not going to yell to be heard,” I said softly. Now that I had their attention, I addressed my daughter first: “I understand you’re upset about your LEGO. Is it fixable?” She nodded. I explained to her that leaving her toys on the floor might not be a good idea. I also told my son he needed to be more careful in her room. So, what happened next? Not much. My son finished his homework, and my daughter got ready for bed.
Staying calm and lowering your voice puts you in control and not the kids. They want your attention, and when they find they can’t get a rise out of you by fighting, they’ll realize they need to play on your terms. As long as no one’s pushing the other or calling names, it’s better not to yell. Yelling too much at kids can hurt their self-esteem and lead to aggressive behavior. If you find yourself starting to get louder, stop mid-yell if you have to, close your eyes, and take a breath. It’s not too late to turn the situation around. Try again with a lowered voice and see what happens.
2. Changes in Yourself
“Let’s clean this up together. Here’s a towel,” I said as orange juice spread across the table, dripping onto the floor. At some point, I realized yelling only scared my kids and made me feel bad afterward. Staying calm just felt better, and I had no regrets later. The more I practiced lowering my voice and not yelling at the kids, the better I got at it too. When my son got upset the other night, I recognized his overtiredness as the cause. I didn’t let his words goad me into an argument. “You need to sleep now,” I said in a soft tone. “We’ll talk tomorrow.” He flopped onto his bed, and I left the room feeling steady and cool.
When we yell and react with anger, we help no one. In fact, yelling can contribute to chronic stress, which can lead to health problems. By lowering my voice, I’ve noticed I spend less time feeling like a terrible mom for losing my temper at my kids. Now, if I feel my heartrate climbing, I try to remind myself how good it feels to stay in control, and if I have to walk away to calm down, I do. I feel less guilty these days and only wish I’d tried lowering my voice in tense situations sooner.
3. Changes in Your House
Last night, when my daughter chucked a cloth napkin across the table, startling my son, he only grinned. Then he chucked the napkin back at her and she laughed. Even though these weren’t great table manners, I let it slide. My son could’ve easily lashed out at my daughter for throwing the napkin at him, but he didn’t. Not long ago, he probably would have. It made me wonder: Had I been inadvertently encouraging an environment where everyone responded with anger? Perhaps. I liked what I was seeing now better. “Napkins in laps, please,” I said. “Time to say grace.” No yelling, just a calm voice. The mood stayed light at dinner too.
Now, if I feel like yelling, I’ll find a quick distraction like emptying the dishwasher to relieve some tension. After a few minutes, I feel better and can respond in a calmer way. The effects of lowering my voice have reverberated throughout my house. My kids stay calmer. My husband speaks more calmly. I have fewer feelings of guilt, thinking I’ve messed up or caused irreparable damage. The entire atmosphere at home feels healthier. If you want to see changes in your home, try dialing down the volume. Yelling at kids does more harm than good, but lowering your voice is a powerful tool that can benefit everyone.
If you want to see changes in your home, try dialing down the volume. Click To TweetWhen do you think yelling at kids acceptable? Is it ever OK?
