When my husband and I got engaged, we had known each other for a whopping three months. We knew all the things about each other that we liked, but didn’t pay much attention to each other’s flaws. Once we tied the knot, and especially after having kids, we started to notice more flaws. Like many couples, I wondered: “Is there someone better for me out there? Did we make a mistake?”
Here’s the thing: The more we focus on the flaws of our spouse, the more inflated they become. And the more inflated they become, the more tempting it can be to compare them to others who seem to have it more together. Before you go looking for “the one” elsewhere, take a look at these 3 reasons why your spouse is the someone better you’re looking for.
The flaws are not permanent.
One night when I felt like running away from my marriage, I decided to go for a drive, just to get away and clear my mind. I called my mom because I thought she would tell me I was right. But she didn’t. Instead, she told me the things I was trying to run from were so minuscule and not worth separating from my husband over. And I am glad I stuck around. While many people think they can change their spouse or find someone better, I know for a fact that had I left, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to witness the growth that hadn’t happened yet in my husband.
“Someone better” will have flaws, too.
I can guarantee you this: If you’re looking for the perfect spouse, he doesn’t exist. No one is perfect. Just like I fell for my husband early on in our relationship and ignored all the flaws, I easily could have been tricked again. This new person might not have the same flaws, but you’ll still come to notice them over time. Eventually, you’ll just have to hunker down and exercise grace and patience for someone other than yourself. By doing so, you’ll also become a better version of yourself—which leads to my last point.
You have flaws you could be growing out of, too.
My husband has also had to exercise grace and patience for me. I know I can drive him up the wall with my complaining and neediness. I used to need him to do everything with me! Going to the store alone was out of the question. I also had no idea how to cook or do laundry. I lived in so much fear and insecurity and depended on him to reaffirm me constantly. Needless to say, I exhausted him, but he continued to show me love and challenge me in ways that helped me grow in confidence. When you refuse to look at yourself as a potential problem in your relationship, you also rob your relationship of a potential solution. Rather than look for someone better, I had to look at myself and challenge myself to become a better spouse for him too.
When you refuse to look at yourself as a potential problem in your relationship, you also rob your relationship of a potential solution.
Do you ever find yourself thinking there is someone better for you? What can you do to see your husband as the someone better?