I have a recurring nightmare: In my dream I’m single, and it doesn’t look like my husband (who’s still my boyfriend in my dream) is going to propose. I think I have this nightmare because it took me a loooong time to get married. I know what it’s like to be alone and yearn for a husband and children. I know what it’s like to see little families everywhere and then return to an empty house.
I have to tell you, when I have that nightmare it shocks me back into being grateful for my husband. No, he’s not perfect, but I’m not either! What about you, do you take your marriage for granted? Have you forgotten how much you wanted to marry your husband? And I don’t mean to sound harsh, but there are a lot of women who would love to be in our shoes, married to a good guy.
Most of us want to bring out the best in our husband and help him reach his potential. Here’s how to get started.
1. Catch His Vision.
So, your husband comes home from work one day and says, “I want to quit my job and open a coffee/motorcycle repair shop.” Before you panic and start screaming about what a dumb idea that is, try to catch the motivation behind his vision. Is he having a tough time at work? Does he feel like he’s in a dead end job? Does he feel like all he does is work, work, work?
Most men take pride in providing for their family, but if they feel unappreciated and disrespected by their wives and children, they might start to wonder why they’re slaving away, and look for an escape.
So, if your husband falls in that boat, or if his dream is less life-altering but still concerning, hear him out first. Maybe he just needs to have something to dream about.
2. Take the words “I told you so” out of your vocabulary.
One wife watched as her husband invested a couple of hundred thousand dollars in a commercial piece of property at the height of the real estate boom. He had solid plans for the piece, but none of that mattered when the market went south.
This would seem like a natural place for an “I told you so.” But, instead, this wife said, “You know, some of the biggest real estate experts got caught in this downturn. You did your best with the information you had at the time.”
No one likes to make mistakes. Worse still is making a mistake and having someone make you feel like a heel for doing so. Plus, if you say that dreaded phrase, it might make you feel good for the moment, but it could severely damage your relationship with your husband.
3. Understand that he wants to please you.
Even if you and your husband are in a bad spot in your marriage, and there’s a lot of tension between you, chances are, your husband still wants to please you. Try to notice the things that he does that are kind or thoughtful, then, thank him.
In an old movie from the sixties, the wife was told to treat her husband like a dog. Now, that sounds like bad advice, but in this case, it meant praising the husband as you would praise a dog when he does something right. Don’t throw your husband a dog biscuit, but do show him you’re appreciative when he makes the effort.
4. Let him be your hero.
As Dr. James Dobson says, most men are wired to provide for, to protect, and to lead. So, give your husband the chance to do it. If you’re fixing something around the house and he offers to help you, let him. If he wants to help you lift something heavy, let him. When it comes to figuring things out – be it directions or how to get the kids from point A to point B, give him a chance to shine.
5. Build him up.
Think back to when you were dating your husband. Do you think he enjoyed being around you? Does he still? Do you build him up with your comments? Do you tear him down in front of your children?
If you have a son, think about how you’ll want his wife to treat him. Try to find the things about your husband that are good, and dwell on those.
