Sex & Intimacy

Help on How to Get in the Mood


Let’s face it, sometimes moms are just not in the mood for sex.  We’re tired, we’re stressed, and we just don’t feel like it.  But sex between a husband and wife is a major part of a healthy marriage; and the act of being physically close can increase intimacy in all areas of your relationship.

Below are 5 things to think about, to help you get in the mood – or at least help you to make the decision to have sex.

1. Remember that your husband needs sex. You and your husband brought different needs to your marriage, just by virtue of your gender. Most women need emotional intimacy – conversation, security and affection from their husbands. Our brains are wired for talking and relating. While men have those needs too, they’re usually secondary to their need for sex. This need is not animalistic; it’s just the way men are made – from their testosterone levels to the wiring of their brains.

So, when you don’t feel like having sex, remind yourself that at its most basic, you’re helping your husband meet a physical need – a need you both committed to meet inside the union of your marriage.

Finally, think of sex as a gift you give to your husband. Yes, moms do a lot for the family – cooking, driving kids around, keeping the house clean; but sex is something you do just for your husband. Hopefully, he’ll see the love in your gesture, and respond with kindness outside of the bedroom.

2. Address any issues you have toward your husband. Maybe you’re upset with your husband for not taking out the trash. Maybe you’re mad at him for not making enough money. Maybe you’re disappointed with him for “not making you happy.” Unresolved anger or resentment can carry over into the bedroom. Try to resolve those issues before they impact your intimacy. If they already have, lovingly talk to him about your feelings. But, if you’re expecting your husband to meet all of your needs – you will likely remain unhappy.

While you’re working on resolving issues with your husband, don’t withhold sex. Again, sex can actually enhance your marriage, even while you’re working through problems.

3. Starting can turn into wanting. Sometimes, if you just go ahead and have sex with your husband, you’ll actually enjoy it. Even if you’re really, really, tired, agree to have sex. The act itself is actually good for you physically, as well as mentally.

4. Take responsibility for getting what you want. What if sex with your husband leaves a lot to be desired? Instead of just wishing things were better, take charge. Talk to your husband about what you’d like in your sexual relationship. If you’re too embarrassed to say what you want out loud, write him a letter.

5. Set the mood. In their book, Unforgettable Sex, authors Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham talk about how physical cues can make sex more interesting and fun. Here are some of their ideas:

· Clean the room. A clean room makes for fewer distractions.

· Get rid of the baby monitors and anything else that says “baby!”

· Put a dimmer on the light switch. You can buy one for less than $10.

· Place candles around the room.

· Have lotions handy.

·  During foreplay, affirm each other verbally – compliment each other on physical attributes.

Sex is just one part of marriage, but it is a very important part. Men tend to view sex less dimensionally than women, and that can be a challenge. If you and your husband aren’t kind to each other during the day, it will likely not diminish his desire for sex. But, when you feel like your husband is unkind or uncaring, it can very much affect your desire to have sex with him.

So, try to take care of your relationship outside of the bedroom, so you’ll be more inclined to want to give inside the bedroom.

© 2011 iMOM. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks.



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