Happy Marriage Tips

How to Make Your Husband Your Soul Mate


soul mate

A friend of mine was sucker-punched (emotionally) by her husband when he came home from work to tell her he was leaving her; he had found his soul mate. She didn’t know how to respond and wondered, what does soul mate mean anyway? Do soul mates exist?

Wikipedia says that a soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility.

Okay, so if your husband does not fit the definition, or at least a couple of them, what can you do?  First, try to make your marriage stronger so that it becomes an environment where you both feel more connected to each other.

Here are five ways to get started:

1. Practice these Habits of Highly Bonded Couples.

2. Avoid these Beliefs that Lead to a Dead End Marriage.

3. Take Steps to Remain Faithful to Your Husband.

4. Avoid these Patterns that Destroy Oneness.

5. Read a Marriage Book and Motivate Yourself to Make Your Marriage Stronger.

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  • kmk

    The Holy Spirit is so good to me! Just an hour ago, I was praying and feeling discouraged and disappointed that my husband ISNT a, b, and c. But I also know what a good and holy man he is and how blessed I am. But then I open up this article that expresses everything I was feeling. I know I am not alone in my feelings AND I know I am not the Perfect Wife either. But we should both keep trying to connect on all these different levels. Thank you for this important work!

  • Erin

    …but what do you do when your husband can’t give you a reason why after 24 years the marriage he wants a divorce….his only reason is that he feels God is calling him to trust God and face life on his own, without me? We get along and have 4 incredible children (ages 12 to 20). I strongly believe in our marriage and love him more now than ever before. I have recommitted myself to being a wife the way God has called me to be and in doing so my love for my husband continues to grow. I also believe that if my husband were to embrace the commitment he made to me 24 years ago the feelings of love (which seem to have disappeared for him) will spark and regrow. I ask for prayers that my husband’s heart be softened and opened to me again….he closed me out years ago and breaking down the wall is a challenge.

    • dan

      I’m in the same situation but reversed. Wife after 20 years says the same…not happy, wants to separate, loves me but not “in love” with me, has had another relationship, lost a lot of weight and looking best in 20 years. We have 2 awesome children – 11 and 14. We get along great but she says she has a missing piece that she can’t get from me. Planning to separate and preparing to tell kids. I also believe if she were to embrace the commitment things would re-spark, but she is so against doing that.

      • Kari

        after 8 years (not even half of either of your relationships, but still my entire adult life after college) he walked in and did the same thing. ” I love you but I don’t think this is working anymore and I don’t want to fix it” After a year of trying everything I could and dying a little bit each day without any answers, I finally got him to give me a tiny ounce of truth after accidentally finding out he was seeing someone. This person I committed my life to, gave my heart to and thought I would grow old with had lied to me daily for the last year of my working through my pain to show him how I was willing to stand by my man (as the old saying goes). It’s funny though, I still love the man I spent the 8years with but this last year was a completely different person and once I finally had answers, truthful, real answers of what was pulling him away from our amazing life together, I was able to separate the two men (who he was and who he became). Once I compartmentalized the two personalities of this one human being, I started being able to process through my loss of the life I had and get mad at the man who destroyed the strong woman I am. I Know that sounds funny but i had to separate the two men in this one body, to allow myself to see that what I was “fighting” for was not what I remembered we were, who I remember he was or what I wanted myself to be. I was in fact trying to fight for who he was and who we were before he changed and definitely before he met this woman. I was finally compartmentalized enough to see that I didn’t have to let go of the amazing memories I had of him and still see that the person he has become is not someone I would chose to go on a second date with today. His values are not in me or our family so why should I push myself to change my own values in the hope that I could be “good enough” for him. If i have to change my entire being to meet his new and lower standards, doesn’t this mean I have lost myself anyway? For me, it wasn’t until I had some better, more honest answers for why he suddenly came in and wanted out, when I could get up off the floor (literally & Figuratively) and start processing the actual situation. The instant need to repair and get rid of the soul ripping pain, prevented me from seeing the real environment and kind of gave me an evil pair of rose colored glasses in respect to what expected to come out of “fixing” our relationship. I hope this helps more than confuses you. It is an awful and heart wrenching event that you both have gone through and no one should have to feel the pain and desperation that we have each felt, but know that no matter what happens, there is more to our stories than what is happening to us right now. I choose to believe each of our stories will have a happy ending. We don’t have to question, throw away or give up the happiness we had because of the betrayal we face today. We deserve to keep these memories and strive for the happy future we each deserve.

        • dan

          Wow…that is actually a really great way of putting it! I’ve still looked at my wife as the same person, but after reading your post I’m looking at her as two different people. As difficult as this time is, it is a little easier (or at least…different) to see her as two people and hating the person that has broken me down over the last 6 months and is destroying our family. I did the same thing…tried everything to “fix” what I was being blamed for until the real reasons came out and realizing that this was not my fault and it’s beyond my control. I think I had the same pair of rose colored glasses…my wife was quick to say that she could not give any false promises but what I did have was false hope. Realizing that the last 6 months were never about fixing our marriage but rather getting me on board with separating. I know that there is going to be something different out there for me…a different story (although would like to skip ahead a few chapters). You’ve really given me some hope…THANKS!!!

    • Veronica Rodriguez

      I and my husband been struggling in our marriage and gotten to point we discussed divorcing as we could not come to common ground. We knew we loved each other but felt our behavior and difference was causing more harm to family then good we decided to part. I prayed and prayed and came across this website http://www.retrouvaille. org. I was hisistant as I didnt know if I hadnt the strength to continue trying . My husband agree to attend this weekend course. We are currently going to post sessions. II have seen the positive difference in myself and in my husband. I know we have a lot more to over come and am very optimistic and hopeful. This is program is run by non profit organization who devoted to help couples find each other again. I recommend anyone who struggling , separated , divorce or want to just want to simply improve there marriage to look up http://www.retrouvaille. org website and attend one of there programs. God bless

      • Erin

        Veronica,
        Thank you for the information. I am familiar with Retrouvaille and their weekend and follow-up programs. The issue is getting my husband to be open to any help. I have my faith and continue to pray. I continue to love him unconditionally and show him respect and consideration. Only time will tell. God bless you and your marriage.







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