Can I tell you about the time my dad tried to poison me? Well, that’s how we’ve referred to the incident for the past 40 years. It was 1984. He made spaghetti and didn’t cook the ground beef. He just put it in the red sauce and warmed the pot. When it was placed in front of me, I complained that it smelled funny.
My sister and I weren’t allowed to watch the Rainbow Brite special that was on unless we ate our dinner. She (who, coincidentally, is now a pescatarian) ate it up. I cried, but I slowly ate. Then I threw up all night long. Parents usually know best, but sometimes we should listen closely to what our kids are saying, especially when it’s their guts talking (or their guts might start rebelling!). Here are 3 times to err on the side of caution and trust your child.
1. Trust your child when he doesn’t feel good about a friend.
It’s great when you have a friend whose kids are the same age as your kids. You get to connect with another adult while all the kids hang out. But if your child repeatedly tells you he doesn’t like spending time with another kid, you should listen.
I’m guilty of brushing off my kids’ complaints about friends (usually forced friendships). “I’m sorry that you think he’s annoying. Maybe you should try being nicer!” But trust your child if he says he’s uncomfortable or the friend is hurtful or bullying. He might not have the words or want to tattle, or he could be embarrassed to say what’s going on.
2. Trust your child when she doesn’t want to be around another adult.
It was an awkward conversation between my parents and me when I had to tell them I didn’t want to continue to babysit for a man my dad worked with. I found certain magazines sitting out in plain view one evening, and I already had an icky feeling. Plus, the guy always insisted on driving me home.
My gut said it wasn’t a situation I wanted to be in. My parents listened and didn’t make me work for him again. Whether my gut was right or not, we’ll never know, but the message my parents sent me was that I was worth listening to. Conversely, when we tell children to ignore what they’re feeling (their internal voice or their emotions), we’re subconsciously telling them not to trust themselves, which has dangerous repercussions.
3. Trust your child when she doesn’t want to eat.
This is a much more practical tip, but it’s worth remembering. Don’t force a kid to eat when he’s acting funky. What’s “funky?” It’s when he shoves food around his plate or starts crying when you tell him he’s not getting up until he takes three more bites.
It’s easy to have tunnel vision when you’ve spent the evening helping with homework, packing lunches, and making dinner. “Just eat, kid!” But a few hours later when dinner makes a second appearance, everything will click. Ah! That’s why he wouldn’t eat his grilled cheese!
If your child has a history of honesty and responsibility, and her behavior makes sense and lines up with her character, it's reasonable to trust her. Click To TweetBut how do you really know? Kids have been known to lie to get what they want.
In each of these situations, you could make an argument for not listening to your child. The friend is just a little different, and your child needs to learn to be kind to everyone. The adult she doesn’t want to be around smells like smoke, but “Sorry hun, you’ve gotta deal with it.” And “I cooked, so you’re eating at least some of it.”
But the litmus test is whether her words are consistent and align with what you know about her. If your child has a history of honesty and responsibility, and her behavior makes sense and lines up with her character, it’s reasonable to trust her. And don’t forget to listen to your own gut. It will usually steer you in the right direction.
When are some other times it’s good to trust your child?
