A few friends and I met for dinner last week, and one was worried about her daughter. “She got really down on herself this afternoon saying, ‘I’m never gonna be good at school! Why do I even try?’ All I did was ask her to be a little neater with her homework.” Everyone at the table held their breath until one brave woman said, “Your daughter is a beautiful, kind person. She really needs to love herself more.” Wow, I thought. I think she’s right.
Kids will go through periods of self-doubt and, left to linger, these feelings can negatively impact all aspects of their lives. Let’s make an effort to give more affirmations for kids rather than criticism so they build their self-worth. Here are 5 things to celebrate in your children so they grow up liking who they are and believing in themselves.
1. Celebrate their kindness to others.
I asked my daughter to take a zucchini from our garden to the elderly widow next door. She didn’t really want to do it, but when she came back 20 minutes later, she bounced with joy through the house. “I’m so glad you went over,” I said. “I’m sure you made Mrs. D so happy.” She admitted she enjoyed her visit. “You’re very kind,” I told her, and she beamed.
Affirmations for kids: You’re so thoughtful. You’re a good person. You’re so generous. Celebrating her good character helps build her self-worth.
Celebrating your kid's good character helps build her self-worth. Click To Tweet2. Celebrate their small victories.
“Your serve is really improving!” I told my son after tennis practice. Even though he didn’t win the match, he’d gotten his serve in almost every time and that was definitely the result of hard work. Noticing when your child makes progress—in multiplication, reading, or fielding grounders—gives him recognition that’ll build his confidence. Even what might feel like a small victory like speaking up more or raising his hand in class is something worth celebrating.
Affirmations for kids: You’re working hard! Your diligence is paying off! You’re brave to do that! Take mental notes of what you see on the field, hear at teacher conferences, or observe when he’s interacting with others, and affirm your child.
3. Celebrate their motivation to do well at something.
My daughter loves to draw one thing: dragons. She really enjoyed the Wings of Fire novels and got inspired to start drawing the characters. So, she studies the book covers and works at it. She’s come a long way in her skill in drawing these rather ferocious creatures, and even though I wish she’d branch out to… anything, I’m trying to celebrate her motivation to improve in this particular area.
Affirmations for kids: You’re really motivated to do well! You’re so focused when you do this! You’ve persevered and really improved! If she’s motivated to do something well (even if it’s not something you’d pick out for her) celebrate the characteristics she exhibits like tenacity, perseverance, focus, and plain old excitement. These are great qualities she’ll likely carry over to other aspects of her life. Celebrate them now to encourage her to keep at what excites her.
Print out iMOM’s Self-Esteem Conversation Starters printable for discussion tonight at dinner!
4. Celebrate the skills they already have in and out of school.
My son started to get down on himself about math and how much effort it took to complete the homework. “But language arts isn’t hard for you at all, is it? Your strong reading skills really help you there.” It’s easy for a kid to start feeling low about himself when he struggles in one area. But talking with him about where he excels can help put things into perspective. Very few children are good at everything.
Affirmations for kids: You’re a great defensive player on the soccer field. You’re good at making new friends. Keeping things in perspective can prevent kids from sinking into negativity.
5. Celebrate their lovability and their importance to you.
By bedtime, we were all tuckered out. My daughter had accidentally broken our ceramic breadbasket (a wedding present!) and my son had played Minecraft without permission. Tears all around. But! Building a child’s self-worth means accepting them for their mistakes and confirming your love for them anyway. Knowing they can mess up and you’ll still accept them, goes a long way in making them feel important and loved—no matter what.
Affirmations for kids: I’m so glad you’re my kid. You’re so gentle with your little brother. You give great hugs! Celebrate your child for the little things. Little things can add up in your child’s mind! Whether she’s easy-going or strong-willed, find something to affirm in her to grow her self-worth.
What are some affirmations for kids you’ve found helpful?
