When the 12-year-old boy from next door comes over to ask my sons if they want to come out to play, it makes me smile. Getting my kids out of the house for sunshine and sweat feels like good parenting. My younger son is always on board, Nerf gun at the ready, but sometimes my older son would rather stay in and play online with friends.
This has been a tough pill to swallow because I’m trying to cut back on screen time, not increase it. But online gaming with friends is part of how kids socialize. According to a Pew Research study, nearly a quarter of teens report they would give a new friend their gaming handle over a phone number as contact information. So as much as I want to avoid it, I need to start looking at the benefits of playing video games with friends. Here are 3.
1. You get to overhear how the kids interact.
One of our house rules is that open doors are required when playing online. So I get to listen in on how my son speaks to his friends and vice versa. Even if your child wears a gaming headset, one of the benefits of playing video games with friends is that you get to hear the slang he uses, his humor, and his manners. It’s pretty entertaining and can give you a glimpse into his world.
On the other side of the coin is my son who plays outside. Unless he and the next-door kid shout “Attack!” or “Die, Earthling scum!” I don’t hear any of their conversations. This came back to bite me when my neighbor texted to tell me my son told her son what sex is. He was 8. I do wish I could’ve been a fly on the swing set for that conversation. I’m not saying we should be privy to every conversation our kids have, but it’s nice to be a spectator now and then.
2. You can intervene (or not).
A friend of mine heard her son’s buddy call another kid a five-letter word in the middle of a round of World of Warcraft. Her son didn’t pile on, but he didn’t defend the other boy either. She could’ve interrupted the game with a reprimand, but she used a more indirect approach instead. Over dinner, without bringing up the five-letter word incident, the whole family talked about name-calling and how to tell when teasing goes too far.
While the world of online gaming is make-believe, the social scenarios and problem solving are all very real. You can choose to step in, but often, staying out of it and letting your child handle situations himself is a great way to hear how he’s maturing and developing character.
3. For kids who love video games, it creates peer connections.
When I was in high school, the Saturday night hangout spot was the McDonald’s parking lot. I rarely went because the whole thing made me uncomfortable—I didn’t like worrying about being included, wondering where everyone would head to next, and stressing over whether I was dressed right. So I’d stay home or maybe hang out with one friend and watch a movie.
Now, kids who are more introverted but enjoy gaming can connect and build friendships from home. The Pew Research study found nearly eight-in-ten online-gaming teens say they feel more connected to existing friends they play games with. For kids uncomfortable with social dynamics, a gaming controller could be their ticket to deeper peer bonding.
Online gaming is just one way kids socialize through screens today. For parents who want their kids’ eyes not to be staring at a screen all day, it’s a constant battle. Listen to this episode of the iMOM Podcast for our take on helping kids with friendships when screens are such a big part of connecting.
A Word of Warning
Even the most engaged gamer should get out and try some old-fashioned socializing. It’s too easy to fall into the cycle of gaming-induced social anxiety. As Tanya J. Peterson, a mental health counselor and author, says, “Social anxiety can lead to excessive gaming, and excessive gaming can worsen social anxiety. The more someone escapes into the virtual world of video games, the harder it becomes to interact in their real world.”
Online gaming friendships can be genuine, but they can’t replace face-to-face interactions for children. So if you’re on board with gaming, make a deal with your child that he has to pick an outdoor activity or an in-person club to find balance.
Online gaming friendships can be genuine, but they can’t replace face-to-face interactions for children. Click To TweetWhat are the other drawbacks or benefits of playing video games with friends?
