At seven months pregnant, I awoke one night in a pool of blood. I stood up and it felt like everything inside me wanted to fall out. We called our next-door neighbor to come watch our kids, threw on shoes, and rushed to the hospital.
I was suffering a rare placental abruption that nearly took my daughter’s life. After an emergency C-section, it took 22 minutes of CPR to bring my daughter’s heart rate back. Then followed 126 days of hellish suffering in the NICU. My family left our home to be closer to her hospital. I know firsthand the effects of the NICU on parents are trauma and suffering. But that time has also proven in hindsight to be a blessing for my parenthood. These days, I am more grateful, joyful, and peaceful than ever. Here are 3 invaluable perspectives that have the power to change your parenting forever.
Our children are gifts.
Nearly losing our loved ones illuminates how truly precious every moment with them is. At five days old, my baby’s bowel perforated. She went septic and was on the verge of death, again. As I held her hand that day, I was filled with longing for her to recover and pain and dread if she didn’t. This tiny little person had my whole heart. I begged God not to take her, and I begged her to just keep breathing and come home with us.
Previously, it was all too easy to view my children as burdens. In the everyday frustrations, I sometimes longed to be elsewhere. But now I see my children as gifts. When I’m tempted to get lost in stress over preparing dinner while bickering kids scream, I think back to that day. The day-to-day struggles of motherhood are real and shouldn’t be disparaged; however, I remember they’re “first world problems.” That keeps my problems from swallowing the joy I could feel, and puts them in the context of the big picture.
The simple things are miraculous.
My daughter couldn’t process food through her intestines for four months. She had to be fed by a PICC line in her foot that tethered her within six feet of her hospital bed. I promised her that once her bowels worked, I’d never, ever complain about changing a dirty diaper again! A healthy body that functions well is a miracle.
Hospital visitation was restricted to parents, so my three children didn’t meet for four months. Every day, my heart ached from the separation. Now I recognize being together is a miracle. No day is boring.
Being ousted from my home for four months, I was inexpressibly homesick. I longed to cook in my own kitchen again. Even when it’s messy, being home is a miracle.
Studies show the effects of NICU stays on parents are closely linked to anxiety and depression. That’s no surprise. However, it’s hopeful to remember that it can also massively grow your gratitude as you heal. Deprivation of the small things shows you that they’re big things. Now I can let go of the small stuff more easily.
A mother’s gift of love is invaluable.
Mom, you’re doing eternally valuable work, even if it feels like you’re just eternally picking up Cheerios. Before the NICU, I often wondered about my worth as a mom. I struggled to see the effects of my service for my family. The NICU showed me a mother’s love is heroic and incalculably powerful. Many days, I reached bottom and somehow kept going. Normally I pass out at the sight of a needle, yet I held my baby’s hand and sang to her to keep her calm as she was poked time and again. I sat by her bedside after each surgery, feeling her pain as if it were my own. Beforehand, I would never have believed I could undergo that kind of suffering. But when your child needs you, you put on your mama bear pants and show up. I was amazed at my capacity to love her heroically.
After we made it home, one of our hospital nurses sent me a handwritten card that read, “Love really does heal.” The NICU taught me that a mother’s love can literally heal. We have so much more power than we sometimes realize.
Mom, you’re doing eternally valuable work, even if it feels like you’re just eternally picking up Cheerios. Click To TweetWhat have your trials in parenthood taught you?
