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How to be a Good Friend

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I love having coffee with a girlfriend. There is so much anticipation when I know I have plans to sit down with an amazing lady in my life and I’ll get to listen and share. We often laugh, cry, share our struggles, and encourage each other. I hold these moments dear to my heart as I work hard to be a good friend to many in my life.

Companionship is a basic human need. Each of us has an internal desire to be loved, accepted, and cared for by someone we can trust and rely on. {Tweet This} The problem is that many of us have had negative experiences in the friend department. Betrayal, hurt, and rejection sometimes brings your dream of a new “bestie” to a stand still.

One way to build a positive friendship is to be a good friend. Here are 5 easy ways to learn how to be a good friend.

1. Cheer her on

Are you a cheerleader to your friends? Do you encourage and let her know you believe in her? One way to be a good friend is to be in her corner. Let her know you have her back and that you are walking her journey with her. This helps your friend know she is not alone and that you have a genuine interest in her life going well. Everyone loves to feel encouraged and reminded they’re not alone. Doing this can bond you and a friend to a more connected level.

2. Love her well

Do to others as you would have them do to you. This rule of thumb is a good one to practice when it comes to loving your friend well. How do you want to be loved? Think about what would make you feel loved by a friend and start there. Remember: Everyone is different in what they need to feel loved, so keep in mind that what works great for you might not be her thing.

Here are a couple easy ways to love your friend well:

  • Text her to let her know you prayed for her.
  • Send her something funny to make her smile.
  • Offer to watch her kids so she and her husband can have a much-needed date night.
  • When you show up to your next play date, bring along her favorite coffee drink as a surprise.

Simple things like this can show her that you value her and she is someone special in your life.

3. Genuinely listen and follow up

Quality communication makes a big impact on friendship. When she shares…listen. Focus on her and tune out distractions. I understand this can be tough when you are sitting at an indoor play place while your kids are playing, but do your best. When you make eye contact, ask questions, and truly “hear” what she is sharing, you have an opportunity to connect on a deeper level.

Also, remember to check in and follow up when a friend has shared a struggle. She will feel loved when you remember a small detail and ask her how it’s going. Doing this shows you were listening and truly care.

4. Stop competing

Ladies, not all women are a threat! How many of you compare yourself to your friends? How many have internal jealousy and envy of a friend’s life? How many of you feel a secret competition with her to show how you are better than her? Want to know where these ideas come from? Insecurity. When you compare your worth and value to what you see in others, this mentality creeps in. It can destroy relationships.

Next time you feel that spark of competition, take a step back and remember it is okay for her to be doing well. Celebrate with her. Just because something good is happening in her world does not mean that your life isn’t good. When you stop the competition in your friendships, you can get vulnerable and real which can create an emotionally safe connection.

5. Tell the truth

When your friend asks for your opinion, do you give her an honest one or one you think she wants to hear? Being a good friend is being honest even when it’s hard and something she might not like hearing. Close friends can sometimes struggle with full honesty. Sometimes the friendship isn’t emotionally safe enough. Some people like to stay at the surface where it’s comfortable rather than going deeper and being more open and honest. Do you ever notice one of your friends headed down a bad path? Do you say something or just let it slide?

Part of being a good friend is creating a safe environment where you can speak truth into each other’s lives. This isn’t about criticizing or judging your friend. This is about helping her see red flags and the rough road ahead that she might be missing or ignoring. It often reaches a level of keeping each other accountable. Many people hold back for fear of their friend’s reaction. They worry that the friendship will end if they cross that line and speak truth.

Being an honest friend doesn’t just mean in the big things, but it is also in the small things. When you are honest with her about smaller issues, she is likely to accept when you speak truth about the bigger ones. So ladies, let’s add to the list and give some more ideas…what are some simple ways you have felt loved by a friend?


How can you be a good friend to someone?

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